My eyes!

In basketball games, the home team wears white, and the visiting team wears a more saturated color.

In tennis, the players wear whatever they please, regardless of their seed in the tournament.

Djokovic Monte CarloNadal Monte Carlo

That’s why all of us watching the Monte Carlo Rolex Masters tournament on Tennis Channel are experiencing eye strain.

Both players in orange jerseys.

On an orange clay court.

I believe my eyes are bleeding orange blood, too.

Who’s laughing now?

I haven’t watched Cooking Channel much at all, but a commercial for Cutthroat Kitchen caught my eye.

Host Alton Brown is always good for a laugh.

Cutthroat_Kitchen_LogoIf you haven’t seen the show, four professional chefs compete in cooking challenges while Alton Brown sabotages them.

But there’s a catch.

He actually gives each chef money at the beginning of the game so that they can bid to sabotage each other, making the timed competition even more challenging.  The eventual winner keeps whatever money he has left at the end of the game.

As the episode comes to an end, I realize it’s not for me.

It reminds me too much of hazing…or those degrading initiation days that some of my high school clubs subjected new members to freshman year.  The folks in charge are laughing, but it’s more mean-spirited than funny.

Just ask Jon Hamm. That stuff comes back to bite you in the butt.

Time warp

My advice for today: never take time for granted.

As in, don’t assume your smartphone clock is always right. Like I did this morning.

alarm clock graphicI woke up and glanced at my phone — 6am.

Perfect.

I could turn off my usual 6:30 alarm (because I hate alarms) and check my email, Facebook, etc. before I woke up the dog, who I could hear snoring on his pillow.

A lazy, relaxing start to the day.

When the two of us ventured out into the living room some 45 minutes later, the DVR clock held a surprise  —

It was 5:45, not 6:45 like my phone seemed to think.

A quick check of my phone’s clock settings revealed that the “automatic date and time” selection that links your phone to the network time was unchecked.

I don’t know how that happened. I certainly didn’t do it.  But consider this post an opportunity for you to double check your smartphone settings…

And get all the sleep you deserve tonight.

Deep thoughts

When I logged on to Twitter this morning, the trending topics reflected the serious topics of the day.

tax-day#TaxDay

#BostonDay

I was impressed that people were discussing issues of import instead of the usual One Direction laments and Kim Kardashian’s bottom.

But by day’s end?

#Arrow

#Survivor

#Bandwiches

Equilibrium has been restored.

I hear voices

I had appointment after appointment today, so I was walking through the streets of Manhattan for hours….which meant I overheard a lot of chatter.

My favorites were between kids and their parents.

overheardEAVESDROP #1

Child: Mom, can I get a smoothie?

Mom: I don’t have any money.

Child: Well, can’t we just buy some?

EAVESDROP #2

Child: …we saw Adrian afterwards.

Grandmother: It’s nice that he lives close by.

Child: Yes, right by the sewer.

EAVESDROP #3

Child in Stroller: Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo…

Dad: Do you simply have to be heard all the time?

Child: (silence) Yes. Woo Woo Woo Woo
You’re welcome.

Woof

It’s hard to believe that it has been 15 years since Christopher Guest’s mockumentary Best in Show sent-up show dogs and the people they own.

So imagine my surprise when two familiar faces from the movie appeared on my TV set tonight, hawking Petsmart in the same hilarious fashion:

It’s no coincidence — Christopher Guest directed an entire ad campaign for the pet food chain, with other Best in Show stars making an appearance as ‘pet-obsessed nut jobs.’

Funny — they seem perfectly normal to me.

Fried, not grilled

Everyone’s had a cheesy grin on their face today cause it’s National Grilled Cheese Day.

image

But some critics are accusing our fav sandwich of being a fraud.

It’s true — most folks cook grilled cheese sandwiches in a skillet, which technically makes it a fried cheese sandwich.

Is this supposed to make us feel bad? Or the ‘grilled’ cheese sandwich taste less amazing?

No and no.

As we say in the South, get over your fine self.