Monthly Archives: September 2009

Danger, danger…

Posted on September 10, 2009 | Leave a comment

Have you ever watched “Deadliest Catch” on The Discovery Channel?  Commercial fisherman risk life and limb to catch Alaskan king crab in the middle of the Bering Sea.  As you watch these men clinging to the ship, waves crashing over them, you think, “This has to be the scariest job there is.”

Try being a basketball coach at the University of Kentucky.

It may all seem like gravy while they’re on staff, but once they leave, they really seem to scrape bottom.

Exhibit A:  Louisville Coach Rick Pitino.  He offended the UK basketball gods by going to their biggest rival, UL.  And what happens to him there?  Sex scandal with a staffer’s wife. And he pays for her abortion.  Bad, bad publicity…and even worse attitude from Pitino who seems to think he’s above it all.

Exhibit B:  More recent former Coach Billy Gillispie. He just checked into alcohol rehab after getting arrested for his third DUI.  UK fired Gillispie after two years more for his tragic personality than his coaching record.  And he’s still awaiting a decision on his lawsuit with UK for the remaining pay on the contract that he never signed.  (Good luck with that.)

At least Eddie Sutton, who coached UK during my college years, waited to have his drinking problems at Oklahoma State.  (He just had recruiting violations at Kentucky that got us suspended for a few years.)

Our new coach John Calipari appears to be one of the greats.  Of course, right now, he’s still knee-deep in the gravy.

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Posted in Humor, Sports

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Ellen Degeneres: keep your day job

Posted on September 10, 2009 | 1 Comment

TheEllenShow Guess what? Go ahead… nope… keep guessing… Okay, I’ll just tell you–I’m gonna be the new judge on American Idol!

When I read this on my Twitter homepage, my jaw literally hit the floor.  I recently dislocated my jaw, so on a physical level, this really hurt.

Ellen Degeneres as a permanent judge on American Idol?

I know American Idol is a television show first, and ratings are king.  Bringing in a judge who already has a huge following on her popular daytime talk show may seem like a ratings bonanza.  But in the words of US Open tennis star Melanie Oudin…

COME ON!

Ellen Degeneres, although probably one of the nicest, funniest, girl-next-door-iest comediennes on the planet, has no credibility to sit on the American Idol judging panel…not even as a guest judge. And I seriously doubt she is ever going to drop her nice gal persona long enough to give anyone any useful vocal criticism.

When people give me crap for watching American Idol or Dancing with the Stars because they are ‘reality TV shows,’ I always stand up for them because they are competitions, not a lot of celebrity seekers sitting in a living room starting fights for the cameras.

But Ellen Degeneres as a judge of singing talent on American Idol smacks of reality show casting in the worst way.

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Posted in Humor, Music, Television

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Very superstitious

Posted on September 9, 2009 | 2 Comments

Turns out today’s date — 09.09.09 — has turned the whole world whack.  Literally thousands of Chinese couples are marrying today because the number ‘nine’ sounds very similar to the word ‘longlasting’ in all major Chinese dialects.

What would they have all done if it sounded like ‘Cheetos?’  Or ‘democracy?’  Or ‘animal rights?’

We should be so lucky.

I, for one, am going to use all the superstition surrounding today’s date to ward off the rain. I have tickets to the US Open tonight, so I will knock wood, step over cracks in the sidewalk, and toss salt over my shoulder to keep the storm clouds at bay.  I want to watch Roger Federer and Melanie Oudin on Center Court…not reruns on ESPN2.

If time permits, I’ll wander down to the food court and enjoy an egg roll.  And if a marriage proposal comes with it, I’ll consider it.

But I prefer spicy mustard.

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Posted in Foods, Humor, Sports

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A hurricane by any other name

Posted on September 8, 2009 | 1 Comment

I was watching the Weather Channel this morning for my daily walk-the-dog temperature check, and caught Stephanie Abrams and Mike Bettes discussing the current hurricane developing in the Gulf.  ‘Fred’ is this one’s name. (As you may recall, ‘Danny’ caused some weather along the East coast a couple of weeks ago.)

Fred?  Danny?  Is it just me, or are the hurricane names this year kinda…well, dull?  ‘Katrina’ was the killer hurricane in New Orleans, and that was fitting — a name you don’t hear everyday for a storm that we will never forget.

So, I turned to Google for the answer.  Turns out hurricane names come from a pre-approved, alphabetized list that the National Hurricane Center has been churning out annually since 1953.  Names for hurricanes rotate through the lists except when a hurricane is particularly devastating, like Katrina.  Then the name is retired.

My name, ‘Carla,’ was a devastating hurricane that struck the Texas coast in 1961.  A Category 4 when it struck land, it is the second most powerful storm in history after the great Galveston Hurricane of 1900.  (Remember, they didn’t have naming lists back then.)  Hurricane Carla caused over $2 billion in property damage and killed 43 people.  The name ‘Carla’ was immediately retired.

Two years later, I was born, and my parents named me…after a killer hurricane.

I’m trying not to take that personally.

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Posted in Humor, Television

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Man’s best co-worker

Posted on September 7, 2009 | 1 Comment

I have always slept with ease.  I fall asleep quickly and wake up after eight hours of sleep.  No awakening during the night — just solid, restful sleep.

I have always chalked this up to keeping a regular schedule, which is primarily due to my dog Rory.  We tend to get up at the same time for his morning walk, which means I get tired and go to bed at approximately the same time each night.

Turns out I was right…but for the wrong reasons.

A study just published in SLEEP, a scientific journal, finds that being ‘bullied’ at work can lead to serious sleep disturbances.  Both men and women who experienced or simply witnessed ‘hostile behavior’ in the workplace had trouble falling to sleep or going back to sleep after awakening during the night.

I work from home.  My only co-worker is my dog Rory.  When I am sitting at my computer, he will occasionally come over and place his head against my leg, asking for a scratch.  Or, at meal times, he will stand in the doorway, smile, and wag his tail, signaling that it is time for one of the many walks that punctuate my day.

All of my work day interactions with Rory are filled with smiles, unanswered chatter on my part, pats, and love….nothing hostile at all.

No wonder I sleep well at night.  And enjoy my work days so much, too.

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Posted in Dogs, Health, Humor

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Double feature dilemma

Posted on September 6, 2009 | Leave a comment

I have looked forward to two movies of late:  Extract and All About Steve.  I love the featured actors in both, and I thought the trailers looked kinda fun.

Both movies were released Friday, and I made the mistake of reading the reviews. All About Steve got the worst of it — 5% freshness on rottentomatoes.com.  The consensus of the critics? 

“All About Steve is an oddly creepy, sour film, featuring a heroine so desperate and peculiar that audiences may be more likely to pity than root for her.”

Wow…sounds like fun.

Extract faired a bit better with 64% freshness.  Many of the critics hailed the performances of the actors — Ben Affleck in particular as a stoner bartender — but as one reviewer summed it up, “the film is very dull and dry.” (Even my friend Dan told me it sucked…and he was as excited about seeing it as I was.)

In direct defiance of all this bad press, I still went to see them both — a ‘bad movie double feature,’  if you will — on Labor Day Sunday.  My review?

Extract — A movie without a point…or many laughs.  Ben Affleck is great as the do-much-harm bartender friend of factory owner Jason Bateman.  And there is one very funny scene with a ridiculously large bong.  But overall, the movie is very uneven and very unnecessary.

All About Steve — This movie definitely has a point, but like Extract, struggles to be consistently funny while trying to make it.  Unlike the critics, I can empathize with Sandra Bullock’s character, and enjoy the trouble stirred up by Thomas Haden Church as a newsman with more ambition than talent.

In the end, the reviews were mostly right:  both comedies are mediocre — renters at best.  But I left All About Steve with a smile on my face, whereas Extract just left a bad taste in my mouth.

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Posted in Humor, Internet, Movies

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An inspiring second shot

Posted on September 5, 2009 | Leave a comment

I love the US Open tennis tournament.  Stories like this one from Friday night are the reason why.

Taylor Dent and Ivan Navarro’s match was not on center court. In fact, they are both ranked below 100 on the tour.  But they played their match to a tie break in the fifth set, a true serve-and-volley, low-error, great serving , pour-everything-you-got-into-each-shot match — the kind of tennis that is a pleasure to watch.

It finally came to an end with Dent defeating Navarro 6-4, 5-7, 6-7, 7-5, 7-6.  But the final score is not the story here.

After fusion surgery on his back two years ago, doctors told Dent he would never play tennis again.   He started making plans for alternative careers.  Dent considered color commentary and even real estate.

But when his recovery went better than expected, the doctors encouraged Dent to go out and hit a few balls.  And he decided he had to give professional tennis another shot.  That shot led him to the extraordinary match that I was lucky enough to witness Friday night.

Dent certainly didn’t take the win for granted either.  Asking for the umpire’s microphone, he immediately thanked the crowd for their support.  He followed that with a victory lap around the court, high five-in’ everyone he could reach.  He also stayed for an hour after the match signing autographs.

Dent faces number-two seed Andy Murray in the third round of the US Open.  Regardless of that outcome, Dent is already a winner.

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Posted in Humor, Sports

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inaudible.com

Posted on September 4, 2009 | Leave a comment

So, you’re audible.com‘s marketing team, and you’ve come up with this clever advertising campaign for the banner ads in the New York City subway cars.

“Stephen King reads Stephen King on audible.com”

“Toni Morrison reads Toni Morrison on audible.com”

“Stephen Colbert reads Stephen Colbert on audible.com”

Awesome.  Your favorite authors reading their own bestselling works on audible.com.  What a simple yet effective way to get readers to check out the website.

But as I’m reading all the ads lining my subway car, I notice that one of them takes a slightly different tack:

“Sean Penn reads Bob Dylan on audible.com”

What is this?  Bob Dylan isn’t reading his own work?  Why so ever not?  Doesn’t Bob like to read? Or maybe…no one could understand a single word the man says!?!

Bob Dylan mumbles and mutters so badly these days, you’d think he was speaking a different language.  Even when I know what words he’s supposed to be saying, I still can’t understand him.

I’m just glad audible.com didn’t have Dylan record the audio simply to save face.  That would have been a waste of time and digital recording space.

You don’t need to hear Dylan’s voice to learn from his cautionary tale…right, kids?

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Posted in Internet, Movies, Television, Travel

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Celebrity sighting

Posted on September 3, 2009 | 1 Comment

I do extra work from time to time.  Walk from point A to point B in a commercial or television show.  I’m in the back, behind the main action, adding to the ambience but not the narrative.

Thursday I was an extra in a PSA for the Travel Channel.  I had the rare opportunity to showcase skills honed as a frequent flier: I walked across a hotel lobby, roller bag in hand, and checked in at the reservation desk.

You just can’t teach that.

It was an easy shoot.  The cast and crew were great, the day was short. But the moment of the afternoon — my moment — occurred when a hotel guest pulled me aside and said, “I know you, right?  You’re someone.”

Now, we had a crowd gathered rubbernecking most of the day.  The principles were only on set sporadically, so it was hard for folks to figure out what the spot was for or who the ‘stars’ were.

The Travel Channel’s Samantha Brown — the star — was standing mere feet from me, but this woman did not appear to recognize her.  I smiled.  “Trust me.  I’m no one you’ve heard of.”

She was not deterred.  “No.  You’re that comedienne…the one with the show.”

I get this about once a day. “You mean Kathy Griffin.”

“Yes.  You’re Kathy Griffin.”

“No.  But I hear that a lot.”

“You look just like her.”

And she smiled and walked over to her friends, telling them that, sadly, I was not on the ‘D List’ like they thought.

But I stood up a little straighter, and walked a bit jauntier, and checked into — in my backstory, at least — the presidential suite, my entourage at the ready.

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Posted in Humor, Television, Travel

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Al Roker: overexposed?

Posted on September 2, 2009 | Leave a comment

Al Roker, ‘Today Show’ weatherman.
Al Roker, Food Network host.
Al Roker, Weather Channel star.
Al Roker…clothing designer?

Al Roker — what the hell is going on?

You are already wringing every dollar you can out of the weather.  Is becoming a fashion icon the logical ‘next step?’

I know you have three kids and live in perennially pricey Manhattan. Is the private school tuition starting to take a bite? Can you not deny them every shiny, pretty thing they want?  Is it time for wife Deborah to go back to reporting full-time?

Your recent ‘Today Show’ interview with Speidi was the talk of the Internet.  Everyone applauded your straightforward condemnation of their ‘bad behavior.’  Don’t inadvertently fall into one of their worst habits — putting your face on anything in the name of publicity and the almighty dollar.

America likes Al Roker in tiny ‘Today Show’ bites.  If you are served up at every meal, we may just lose our taste for you.

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Posted in Humor, Television

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