Monthly Archives: December 2009

Tongue lashing

Posted on December 21, 2009 | Leave a comment

Did you watch “Saturday Night Live’s” salute to Adam Lambert this weekend?

Host James Franco ended his monologue by saying this was going to be “the best Christmas show ever.”   And apparently the show’s writers decided adopting some of Lambert’s moves would ensure — if nothing else — it was one of the most talked about.

They began with a sketch premise I first saw used with guest host Paul Rudd — the extremely affectionate family.  In this version, Franco brings home his girlfriend for the holidays, and she gets to watch him mouth kiss his mom, dad, brother, grandfather, and UPS man over and over and over again.  The sketch really hit a high note when Franco slipped his grandpa some tongue.

It’s a funny bit.  But it was interesting to watch in the post-Adam Lambert debacle era.  So, Adam, here’s what we have learned:  It’s okay to kiss a boy on television if a) it’s late night and b) the two guys doing it are straight.

A bit later in the show, SNL brought back another freaky segment: Vincent Price’s Christmas Special.  It had a great lineup of celebrity impressions — Kristen Wiig’s spot-on Kate Hepburn; Franco’s tortured James Dean; and Fred Armisen’s Liberace.  And, Adam, did you see? — Liberace went down on James Dean at the piano bench!  People laughed and laughed — no outrage in the media — I’ve checked.

So, Adam — here is my message to you:  you need to be a guest host on “Saturday Night Live.”  All the stuff you did on the American Music Awards that got you in so much trouble will be considered awesome humor in late night.

The big question is — are the writers and cast members brave enough to go there with you?

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Posted in Holiday, Humor, Television

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Uggs – ugh

Posted on December 20, 2009 | 1 Comment

Maybe it’s the nine inches of snow on the ground.  Maybe it’s the fact that my dog’s post-surgery leg kinda resembles a little bootie.  Or maybe it’s the darn online shopping articles that I’ve encountered this week.

But I feel compelled to speak out against a product today.

That product?  Uggs.

That’s right.  The celebrity favorite.  Worn in every kind of weather, on every coast.  A brand that has almost lost its trademark because people throw the name around with the same regularity of ‘Kleenex’ and ‘Xerox.’

But I have to go on record here.  In the beginning , I craved Uggs.  Had to have Uggs.  Asked for Uggs for Christmas and was lucky enough to receive Uggs.

I wore my Uggs for less than one winter season, and my classic, beautiful, expensive Uggs developed a hole — not in the bottom where you might expect it — but in the top of the toe.  That one-of-a-kind, special Australian leather crapped out in just a few months.

Damn Uggs.

I replaced them with a pair of L. L. Bean knock-offs.  That pair was less than half the price and lasted for years.  In fact, I only replaced it this year because I wanted more colors.

This year, I got two pairs.  These knock-off Uggs are made by Lamo — that’s right — Lamo.  The name is ridiculous, but they are comfortable and durable and come in all kinds of colors…and cost me $30.

So, if you think you NEED a pair of Uggs for Christmas this year, remember my cautionary tale.  The brand name is simply that — a name.  The companies that have followed have not just copied the design.

They’ve made it better.

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Posted in Dogs, Fashion, Humor

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Reason for season

Posted on December 19, 2009 | Leave a comment

Unless you are avoiding the news for some reason, you’ve probably heard about the huge snowstorm barreling toward the Northeast this very minute.  New York City — which storms normally dance around in these instances — is predicted to get over a foot of the white stuff.

And to think, just Thursday I was bragging to a cab driver in Rochester about how ‘we don’t get that kind of weather where I live.’

Oops.

Well, it will make a lovely white Christmas for everyone visiting Manhattan (my sister and her husband included).  But the local headlines are focused primarily on the possible loss of retail dollars if shoppers can’t get to the stores in the bad weather.

Have any of these people ever been to New York City in a snowstorm?

Minutes — and I mean literally minutes — after major inches of snow have been dumped on the city, they disappear from the streets and sidewalks.  Our street cleaning crews are on it…sometimes quicker than I — a dog owner — would prefer.

Those streets are cleared and salted pronto, and I have to pull out the dog booties to get Rory to venture out since the salt really bothers his feet.  It’s either embarrassing booties, or me carrying him all the way to Central Park…and ya gotta romp in Central Park in the snow.  It’s a New York City tradition.

Just like shopping at Christmas time.  We’ll get out there, don’t you worry.

And if it’s that bad, there’s always online, right?

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Posted in Dogs, Holiday, Humor

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Gossip girl

Posted on December 18, 2009 | 1 Comment

If your holiday lights seem to have lost some of their twinkle today, don’t waste time searching for a faulty bulb.  The shadow that has fallen comes from an altogether different source.

Today Nancy O’Dell co-hosts “Access Hollywood” for the last time.

Gasp.

After 10 years of anchoring this entertainment staple, Nancy is stepping down, and two years before her current contract ends.

The reason?  O’Dell is unhappy with the more ‘sensational direction’ that the show has taken in recent years — this from an unnamed source in People. Nancy isn’t talking, though; her website says nothing.  She hasn’t tweeted, either.  But supposedly today is her final day co-hosting with Billy Bush.

Now, I don’t watch “Access Hollywood” regularly, but the thought that Nancy is leaving because entertainment news is becoming ‘sensational’ makes me laugh.  More intrusive?  Absolutely.  But I think sensationalism is a just a part of the celebrity machine.

I suspect Nancy has bigger things up her sleeve.  Will be interesting to see where she ends up.

Or not.

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Posted in Books & Mags, Humor, Television

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Forever friends

Posted on December 17, 2009 | 1 Comment

Ten days ago, my dog Rory had surgery on his torn ACL. He is recovering like gangbusters, and I want to thank everyone for their good wishes.  I feel incredibly lucky at his continuing good health.

But today’s column is dedicated to the dogs that have gone before him — to the dogs in my past, my friends’ best buds, and , in fact, any dog who has brought joy to his or her person.

To Pepe, a true hound dog who loved to chase cars (and caught a few from time to time).

To Muffin, a cute little dog with a girlie name, whose long hair hid one eye and a sneak-up-behind-you bite.

To two dogs named Booger, one who never really learned to come when his name was called, and the other who would have been wise to hide when it was.

To Ubu, the ‘five-minute dog,’ whose excitability (and poor sense of direction) lives forever in legend.

To Pepper, a sweetheart of a dog who introduced me to cockapoos, and inspired me to bring Rory into my life.

To Rocky, the smartest Sheltie I ever met, and Beth’s best friend for more than a decade.

To Juneau, a beautiful white American Eskimo dog who loved Lisa very much.

To Digger and O’Malley, Paul’s best friends, who traveled with him across the US (and, in O’Malley’s case, Europe, too).

And to Shooter, Mike’s very best friend, who left him Sunday for the biggest journey of all.

We will never forget you.

Pay tribute to a dog friend you have known and loved by making a contribution this holiday season to the Humane Society of the United States.

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Posted in Dogs, Humor

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Hair care

Posted on December 16, 2009 | Leave a comment

Okay, this will be  short one, but my passion for the topic is long.

I flew to Boston on the Delta Shuttle this morning, and the plane was packed.  The woman who sat next to me was your standard business traveler. Well dressed.  Brand accessories.  Blackberry at the ready.  Tasteful makeup.

God awful hair.

What’s up with that?  I know it was an early flight — a 7:30am shuttle requires a 5:15ish wake up to get it all done and get to LaGuardia on time — but how come you can pull together a stylish wardrobe — complete with accessories– but can’t spare a few moments for your coif?

For shame.  You are not excused.

And don’t brush it 20 times like that is going to make a difference.  You didn’t blow it dry, you didn’t style it, and brushing it doesn’t do much more than make your frizzy mop that much more pathetic.

I got up the extra 15 minutes to deal with my massive amounts of hair.  You take responsibility for yours, too, sister.

That is all.

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Posted in Fashion, Humor, Television

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Seeing double

Posted on December 15, 2009 | Leave a comment

The Golden Globes have always been a bit of a bad boy in the awards community.

The Hollywood Foreign Press is in charge, so newcomers and outsiders are recognized (to the insiders’ dismay).  Everyone is clearly drinking during the ceremony, which can lead to some rather colorful acceptance speeches. (Remember Kate Winslet’s semi-hysterical ramblings after she finally won not once but twice last year?)

And then, there is the name of the awards themselves.  Golden Globes?  I’ll bet pretty much every man out there visualizes a certain part of the female anatomy when he hears that term.

Based on this year’s Golden Globe nominations announced just this morning — my, aren’t I topical — we will all be seeing double come January.

Sandra Bullock is nominated twice — for Best Actress, Drama, “The Blind Side” and Best Actress, Comedy, “The Proposal.”

Meryl Streep is nominated twice as well…this time in the same category (Best Actress, Comedy), for “It’s Complicated” and “Julie and Julia.”

Matt Damon is nominated twice, too — for Best Actor, Comedy, “The Informant!” and Best Supporting Actor, Drama, “Invictus.”

Pretty exciting, huh?  With all those nominations, you’re bound to snag at these one, right?

Not necessarily.  Just ask Julianne Moore.  She’s been nominated twice before and walked away empty-handed.  Kate Winslet’s vapor-inducing win last year was the exception, not the norm. I think multiple nominations often muddy up the field and, if anything, just point more clearly to the other actors in that category.

And let’s not forget — the Golden Globes recognize television as well.  Anna Paquin, nominated Best Actress,  “True Blood”, was also nominated Best Actress, made-for-TV movie “The Courageous Heart of Irena Sendler.”

Who’s going to win it all?  It’s still “Up in the Air.”

He he he

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Posted in Humor, Movies, Television

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Lovely vision

Posted on December 14, 2009 | 2 Comments

“I am in awe.”

I heard these words as I was filing out of the theater last night after seeing “The Lovely Bones,” and I thought that simple phrase kinda said it all.

I read Alice Sebold’s disturbing novel soon after its release in 2002 on a friend’s recommendation.  Although the subject matter is a bit gruesome  — a teenage girl brutally raped and murdered by a neighbor — seeing death and its effect on the survivors through the eyes of the victim was somehow life-affirming.

Now, anytime you love a book, the film will usually disappoint, and the critics have leapt upon Peter Jackson’s interpretation with claws unfurled.  “The Lovely Bones” movies had been declared only 40% fresh on rottentomatoes.com. Critics have chastised Jackson for both overdoing the visual effects of the “inbetween” — where victim Susie Salmon watches her family struggle with her murder before going on to the afterlive — to underdoing her rape and murder, which he alludes to onscreen but never shows graphically.

Personally, I was relieved Jackson didn’t show us a blow-by-blow account of her death; the more subtle ways he pointed to it were infinitely more chilling.  And, if you think about it, would Susie have taken those memories with her into the next life?  Wouldn’t she choose to leave the most horrendous details of her murder behind?

I certainly hope so.

“The Lovely Bones” movie honors the book by honoring the vision of Susie Salmon.  Jackson told the movie through her eyes, as the book told the story in her words.  It is a moving interpretation, made real by the amazing performances of Stanley Tucci and Saoirse Ronan.

Ignore the critics and see it. Then, go home and hug your family.

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Posted in Books & Mags, Humor, Internet, Movies

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One more time

Posted on December 13, 2009 | 1 Comment

Is there ever too much of a good thing?

I say ‘yes’ when it comes to food.  I’ve definitely eaten too many Cheetos in one sitting, and they are pretty much my favorite thing in the world.  Same goes with candy.  Too many Hot Tamales or Milk Duds or Whoppers at one time, and it can turn me off of them for, gosh, almost a week.

And I think we all know that too much of the demon brew can turn on you with painful results in less than 24 hours.

But can you ever watch a really good movie too many times?

I say a loud, resounding ‘no.’

And I’m not talking about the often dark, depressing Oscar winners.  Films like “Million Dollar Baby” and “The English Patient” — while very deserving of the award — are just too painful to sit through the second time around.

No, I mean the “B level” films — the ones made without awards in mind.  They simply entertain the audience with a great story…those films I can watch again and again and again.

And I have.

This morning, for instance, I watched “The Rookie” with Dennis Quaid for the umpteenth time…and cried for the umpteenth time.  I have “Sense and Sensibility” and “Pride and Prejudice” (the Knightley/MacFadyen version) saved on my DVR for lunch time viewing.  I can watch “Just Friends,” “Notting Hill,” “The Namesake,” “The Princess Bride,” and “Elf”  — just to name a few — time and time again, and they just keep getting better.

And no hangover — bonus.

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Posted in Foods, Humor, Movies

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Tat tale

Posted on December 12, 2009 | Leave a comment

You are more likely to see a person with a tattoo on their body than a bumper sticker on their car.

Next time you are on the road, see for yourself.

I had a meeting in Jersey City this weekend, which meant I was driving back and forth through the Holland Tunnel en route to the hotel.  To distract myself from how tightly the cars were packed in the tunnel — and the unspoken reality that we were frickin’ underwater for a really long time — I was looking at the surrounding vehicles closely to occupy my slightly claustrophobic mind.

Of all the cars, trucks, vans and motorcycles that passed my cab during our putt-putt-putt progression, I only saw one bumper sticker in the bunch….and that one was so old, I couldn’t make out the words.  All the other vehicles had naked bumpers — not a sticker in the bunch.

But I did spy — when we loitered close enough — a driver or two who had visible tattoos!  And you know there were bound to be some tats that fell below the ‘window line.’

A 2006 study by the Pew Research Center said 36 percent of 18-25 year olds have a tattoo, and that number climbs to 40 percent of 26-40 year olds.  And those percentages tend to rise during times of recession, which makes me think many an inked arm, leg or backside was in the tunnel with me as I crossed the New Jersey/New York state line.

So, if a person can make the leap to permanently decorate their body parts, why leave their car unscathed?

Perhaps it’s just a question of autonomy.

(Sorry…I couldn’t resist.)

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Posted in Fashion, Humor, Travel