Monthly Archives: December 2009

Resistance is futile.

Okay, haters — it’s time to admit the world has succumbed.

Taylor Lautner is hosting “Saturday Night Live” this weekend.

Anna Kendrick — Jessica in the “Twilight” saga — is getting much-deserved Oscar buzz for going toe-to-toe with George Clooney in “Up in the Air” (and stealing many if not most scenes in the process).

“Eclipse,” the next installment in the “Twilight” saga, announced this week its simultaneous IMAX release in June, 2010.

And in the ultimate sign of surrender, Uma Thurman, Robert Pattinson’s co-star in the 2011 movie “Bel Ami,” broke up with her fiancee as the movie begins pre-production.

Ya just can’t fight this thing, people.  Better men (and women) than you have tried.

In the words of the Borg — that’s a Star Trek reference for those less geeky than I — well…just read the title.

Who’s the addict?

I think Seth Meyers said it best on SNL’s Weekend Update:

“Last Friday Tiger Woods hit a tree, and a bunch of ladies fell out.”

Now the news outlets are all Tiger, all the time.  Interviews with his supposed mistresses.  In-depth analysis of the supposed mistresses’ remarks.

In fact,  just this morning, subject matter experts on “The Today Show” were discussing Tiger’s alleged sexual addiction — the signs, the symptoms, the treatments.

Wow.

I’ll bet Tiger is rethinking that whole “this is a personal, family matter that we’d like to keep that way” strategy.

Because, in truth, it doesn’t really matter whether Tiger has 100 mistresses or is a sex addict or is a golf robot (as many other golfers would like to contend).

Whatever addictions he is struggling with are miniscule in comparison to the public’s addiction with celebrities’ personal lives.  We gotta know what happened — every tiny detail, especially if any of them smack of the lude, the crude, or near nude.

Tiger’s first foray into the tabloids has got it all.  And the media is happy to feed the public’s need — because it is a need — to know.

So, really — who is sicker here — the public or Tiger?

Puppy planner

How do people without dogs organize their days?

I’ll admit, I’ve quite forgotten.

As most of you know, my dog Rory has been in the hospital since Monday morning.  (He’s coming home later today.)  I knew his being away would be weird for me — the house seems empty when he’s at the groomer for three hours — but I never imagined how profoundly his absence would change my days.

For starters, I can’t get up in the morning.  Rory is my alarm clock.  I find myself falling back to sleep…and I usually pop right out of bed.  Yesterday, noises in the hallway finally jarred me awake at 9:00am!

Nice one, Carla.

I also forget to eat meals without Rory here to remind me.  I work from home and, without his very regularly scheduled head bumps on my leg at noon and five o’clock, I end up eating two or three hours late…or not at all.  And I don’t get my regular walks in Central Park or around the neighborhood, either.

It’s true what they say — dogs do keep you healthy.

And bedtime just isn’t the same without Rory Dog around to ‘bark me in.’  (I never seem to move fast enough for him, so he is always ‘encouraging me’ to move it along.)  Last night I found a dozen mindless chores to occupy my time, and didn’t lie down until almost two o’clock in the morning (which may also explain why I overslept).

Rory loves his routine, and his routine has become mine.

And apparently, I need his daily supervision to stick to it.

Common thread

On Sunday, I went to see the final matinee of “Oleanna” on Broadway.

“Oleanna” is a David Mamet play about a student who accuses her university professor of sexual exploitation on the eve of his university tenure announcement. Julia Stiles and Bill Pullman played the lead roles, and since I typically like Mamet (and love Bill Pullman), I was there.

This is one of those plays you experience, but don’t necessarily enjoy. It’s hard to watch people push each other to their breaking point…and then actually break.

In the final bows, Julia was weeping. (Part of that may have been the physical altercation she has with Bill in the last scene.) Bill hugged her, apologetically it seemed. I just felt bad for everyone.

Then yesterday happened. I had to take my dog to the hospital. His surgery, originally scheduled for early that morning, got pushed back to very late in the day, which meant he had to sit there at the hospital in a kennel, not allowed to eat or drink, for hours.

Mama Dog was pissed.

Then, when I arrived home from dropping him off at the hospital, my building super announced that there was a water pipe break in my building, and they needed to go through my kitchen wall to make the repair.

Awesome.

In come the workmen, down come my kitchen cabinets, and — BAM! — two big holes appear in my wall.  There was noise a’plenty — do you have to slam the door every time you walk through it? — dust, debris, and it wasn’t like I was getting an incredible rehab or anything.

With the combination of doggie worry and kitchen drama, I was hanging on by a very fine thread.  I could see myself, dangling there, but I couldn’t pull myself up.  The crying jags, the quick temper, the inability to concentrate — thank goodness I have so many incredible friends who let me tell them the same story over and over!

Then…Rory’s surgery was over, and he was fine.  And the workers were gone…and they actually cleaned up their mess.  They didn’t even slam the door when they left.  I could feel my grip slowly returning.

I almost feel like taking a bow.

Rory Dog

Rory is having surgery today.

“It’s really nothing major,” his surgeon reassured me.  “Lots of cockapoos have bad kneecaps and ruptured ligaments.  We do this procedure all the time.”

I know it’s true.  Heck, Rory had this surgery a couple of years ago on his other hind leg.  But it’s hard to tell your shaking, frightened puppy that the next six weeks of pain and changes in his beloved routine are ‘standard.’

Rory will bounce back from his experience far sooner than I.  And in the long run, I know it’s the best thing for his health and well-being.

But that was hard to remember this morning.

A STUMP FOR A TAIL

You can’t buy loyalty, they say
I bought it though, the other day;
You can’t buy friendship, tried and true,
Well, just the same, I bought that too.
I made my bid, and on the spot
Bought love and faith and the whole job lot
Of happiness, so all in all
The purchase price was pretty small.
I bought a single trusting heart,
That gave devotion from the start.
If you think these things are not for sale,
Buy a brown-eyed puppy
with a stump for a tail.

— author unknown —

Love actually

During a recent flight to California, I sat next to a woman who was particularly forthcoming about the personal details of her life.

(Hey, it was a long trip, and I was bored.)

She wanted my advice: should she dump her live-in boyfriend of three years before or after the holidays?

Now, I once had a relationship breakup at the end of the year.  I chose to wait until after Christmas because I knew we had already invested in the gifts.  Might as well go ahead and exchange them, right?  And we still needed dates on New Year’s Eve.  Then, come January — BAM!  Drop the hammer.  Start the year off right.

That’s my philosophy.  I think it’s sound.

Well, apparently if you’re a celebrity, such niceties go out the window.

Exhibit A:  Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal.  Last Sunday, the papparazzi saw Jake’s assistant moving luggage out of Reese’s home and delivering it to Jake’s place.  Such transactions usually spell breakup in Hollywood.

A month before Christmas, too. They are both passing up some serious swag, and probably a holiday trip to an exotic locale.

Exhibit B: Tiger and Elin Woods.  Okay, so it appears Elin isn’t leaving Tiger…for a cool $5 million dollar paycheck.  But that hardly counts.  Can’t imagine they are going to have a very happy holiday, particularly with all the ho-ho-ho’s in Tiger’s past.

(I crack myself up.)

Perhaps I shouldn’t be surprised that celebrities operate by different rules.  But Reese and Jake?  Tiger and Elin?  They were golden couples, meant for the long haul.

Next thing you know, you’ll tell me Pam Anderson and Kid Rock are breaking up.

Wait. What??

Whistle while you…

I worked all day today.

I mention it because it’s Saturday, which is the weekend in most civilized cultures.  And I had to work.  And I’m feeling a bit sorry for myself.

But even as I say that, I know I’m not the only person who worked today.

How did I get to the hotel in Jersey City where my meeting was held?  A taxi, driven by a cabbie who clearly was working.

How did my client and I conduct business all day? Because the hotel manager, waiters, concierge and housekeeping staff all showed up.

Heck, you could surmise that the only reason I am able to post this blog — which is something I do each and every day — is because tech support is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week to keep it up and running.

Funny thing, though…this blog, which is my own self-imposed, daily deadline, never feels like work.  And right now, just writing it making me less irritable and tired after working all day…on a Saturday.  (I mentioned that, right?)

A friend asked me once how much I got paid for writing my blog.  I laughed at the time.

But right now, this feels like payment enough.

Look up!

A big shout out to the team behind Halls cough drops on this chilly winter day.

I spied your new ad campaign lining the subway cars here in New York City as I rode back and forth to Penn Station yesterday — inspired!

If you’re in Manhattan, you can’t miss it.  It’s as plain as the nose on your face.  In fact, you could say they’ve taken a real hard nose approach.  Might get a few noses out of joint, too.  Hey — no skin off my nose…I’m just saying.

Guessed the focal point of the campaign yet???

(I’m so subtle.)

Halls has taken photos of people whose noses are — shall we say — fairly prominent, and through a combination of clever angles, shading and an entertaining smirk or two from the models, have somehow elevated the red, miserable, snotty nose to a thing of glory!

These photos, which have been colorized to the point of graphic art, treat these sufferers as proud soldiers in the fight against the winter cold.  It really is a fun, eye-catching display.  And since Hall bought an entire wall of each subway car, you are treated to literally five or six different winter soldiers, male and female, red noses at the ready.

I couldn’t help but be excited…not only by the clever idea behind the campaign, but for the actors in the photos.  Up to this point, their bulbous noses must have been a negative in their careers.  But this time?

Their big bulbs got them the gig.

Plugging along…

Have you flown American Airlines lately?

During the month of December, passengers are getting a big ol’ serving of product placement with their complimentary beverage.

You see, American is the featured airline in the George Clooney film “Up in the Air” [opening Friday in theaters everywhere], and they are promoting the movie on every screen, magazine and mixed nut package.

Vera Farmiga, the actress who plays Clooney’s love interest in the film, also just happens to be the cover story for the December issue of the American Way in-flight magazine.

Funny how those things happen.

As an extremely frequent flier myself – usually on Delta Airlines (full disclosure) – I am very excited to see “Up in the Air.”  While I don’t come close to the 322 travel days a year that Clooney’s character logs in the film, the promos that I have seen to date certainly capture the annoyingly-wearing-mind-numbing-sameness of business travel.

And while American Airlines may be pimping the movie a bit much, I’m still psyched to see this tiny slice of my life on the big screen.

It’s like I always tell people –  business travel is only glamorous if you’re not the one doing it…or if George Clooney is.

Dog day!

As dates go in history, December 2nd is a biggie.

Case in point:  Charles Dickens held his first public reading in New York City on December 2, 1887.  Wonder if anyone said, “Please sir, I want more”?

Or, if you’ve ever shaved any part of your body, thank Gillette — he patented the first disposable razor on this date back in 1901.

And, in a surprising find for even the Internet, Ringo Starr had his tonsils removed on December 2, 1964….which kinda explains a lot.

But of all the events that have taken place on this day in history, I declare December 2, 1998 the most monumental…at least, in my world.  For on this day, 11 years ago, Rory Diggins Dugan Curtsinger was born a chocolate cockapoo in southeastern Missouri.

I didn’t have the great pleasure of meeting him until January 12, 1999 — his adoption day — but I celebrate both….usually with a birthday cake for his human friends  (’cause Rory prefers meat, cheese or peanut butter).

Business took me out of town today, but never fear — I will be with the birthday boy this evening.  And we’ll do something worthy of the history books…and of all the love and joy this amazing little pup has brought into my life.

Happy Birthday, Rory Dog!

XOXO
Mama Dog