Category Archives: Advertising

Daytimer

I didn’t watch the series 24 starring Kiefer Sutherland.

I know it was great.  Perhaps one day I will.

But right now, I feel like I’m living it…because I can’t go 24 hours without running into Kiefer Sutherland.

He’s the voice of calm on the current Bank of America television campaign. (They need one.)  He’s the spokesperson for Apple Intel, his raspy voice the perfect complement to their space age-y spots.  He’s also the voice of Nissan and Verizon — and that’s just in the United States.

In Canada, his dulcet tones sell Ford Fusion.  In Brazil, it’s Peugeot.

I know he has a new series on television called Touch, and a 24 feature film in the works.  But seriously Kiefer, why bother?

You already RULE THE WORLD.

Snooze button

Prudential’s current television campaign, entitled “Day One,” features men and women enjoying their first day of retirement. Having enough money to do so comfortably may be the underlying message, but Prudential is smart enough to focus on why it’s so desirable.

More time to spend with family. Travel. Enjoy your hobbies. Volunteer. And the image that made me smile and shake my head in ready agreement…

No more alarm clocks.

Since today is Sunday, many of us — retired or not — got to skip the alarm. Now, close your eyes and imagine….

One day you can take a sledge hammer to that thing.

For realsies.

By George

Have you seen this promotional pic of the new movie The Descendants?  Did you wonder what George Clooney was hiding from?

Turns out his co-stars.

I saw the movie this afternoon with my friend Caroline who is visiting from Kentucky — George Clooney’s hometown, in fact.  (She knows the man.)  So we were excited to see if the movie and George himself deserved all the Oscar buzz.

Not so much.

Apparently director Alexander Payne spent all his money on the big man himself and surrounded George with a TV movie-of-the-week cast.  I mean, Shaggy from Scooby-Doo as his co-star?  Get real.

While there were excellent turns by Shailene Woodley as George’s oldest daughter Alexandra and Beau Bridges as his cousin Hugh, no one else really measured up to George or the script.

Hey Alexander — when you center a film around a sick room, you might want to make sure your cast is healthy first.

Scared for life

Halloween weekend is here.

The pumpkins are carved. Parties planned. Costumes conceived.

And now critics on-air and online are recommending what horror films you should include in your Halloween movie marathon. The expected have risen to the top — the Halloweens, the Nightmares on Elm Street, the Screams, the Exorcists.

Your basic nightmares.

And while Paranormal Activity 3 has been advertised to have 15 minutes that will “mess up your life,” I’ve already “been there, done that.”

The Town that Dreaded Sundown (1976)

I saw this film in the theatre with my sister, mom and her good friend Jeanean who loved horror movies. (The rest of us really didn’t know what we were getting ourselves into.)

Based on a true story, The Town that Dreaded Sundown follows a Texas ranger’s hunt for a serial killer who terrorized the people of Texarkana, Arkansas in 1946. The killer wore a pillowcase over his head as he preyed on the residents of the town, primarily young people parking in the woods.

He was brutal and cruel and terrifying. And he was never captured.

Suffice to say no one slept in our house that night. Actually, I’m not sure any of us slept much that week, even knowing he was probably long dead. The imagine of his face covered by that pillowcase — breathing in and out like an animal — will haunt me for the rest of my life.

If you like really scary movies, I recommend it.

But it will mess you up.

Terrible twos

Those pesky Winklevii are at it again.

Or is it ‘pouting?’

The courts awarded the pair a cash and stock settlement in their 2008 lawsuit against Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg.  Then The Social Network made ‘Winklevoss’ a household name.

Now they’ve taken their grievances to the public as spokespersons for Wonderful Pistachios.

So classy.  They’ve even sued Zuckerberg a second time.

When are these two gonna give it a rest?  As Aaron Sorkin penned so eloquently in his Oscar-winning script:

“If you guys were the inventors of Facebook, you would have invented Facebook.

And let’s face it — actor Arnie Hammer, who portrayed both twins in the movie, is way better looking than the real Winklevii.

Should have stayed off television, boys.  You were a far better looking pair of pricks on film.

Fly away home

Here’s one for the birds.

A couple of weeks ago, I noticed MISSING posters on 81st Street between Columbus Avenue and Central Park.  When I got a closer look, I learned the ‘missing’ in question were a pair of cockatiels.

My first thought was — how did they get out?  Did they escape through an open window that didn’t have a screen?  Or through a door when a delivery was being made?

My second thought was that lost birds would be really hard to find.  It’s not like they have to stay at street level where they can be easily seen.

I felt bad for the owners, too…but I admired their determination to get their birds back.  Then the signs came down, and it kinda slipped my mind.

Yesterday Rory and I stopped to chat with one of the doormen on 81st Street.  A gentlemen I had never met before stopped to pet Rory.  Guess who he was?

The owner of the two cockatiels

Amazingly, both birds were found — 15 blocks from home — by a worker in Central Park who had seen the flyer. They had survived outside for a week, on their own, during Tropical Storm Irene.

I asked the owner how the birds got out.  My theories weren’t even close.  His partner was walking down the street with the birds in a carrier.  They weren’t happy about it, forced the door open and bolted.

I’ll bet home looks a lot better now.

Action!

The Daily Show may be smarter and funnier.and The Colbert Report more cutting edge.

But The Onion News Network?

They’ve got action figures.

And not just dolls of the lead anchors like you might expect them to sell — even Stephen Colbert has one of those — but action figures for names that appear daily in their newscast…like ‘missing sorority girl,’ ‘trunk mom,’ and ‘noted author pundit doll.’

Awesome sauce.

It’s the quality you demand in your children’s action figures. They want to play with ripped-from-the headlines toys, and The Onion News Network is bringing them to their playrooms and sandboxes.

Here’s the commercial for the figures, but be warned.  If your kids see it, they’ll want ‘em.

So be prepared…to take action!

Buggin’

I’m okay not knowing everything.

For instance, I had never heard of the Asian long-horned beetle. Then I saw this poster in the subway.

Now I not only know what the gnarly bugs look like, but that they’re killing our trees. And we need to stop them…and never move firewood.

Never move firewood?  Okay.

Hardwood trees in my adopted state of New York have been destroyed; trees in Illinois, Massachusetts and New Jersey, too. Trees in forests and cities all across America are at risk.

I went into the subway for a ride, not an education on scary bugs.  But unfortunately, you can’t erase unwelcome memories Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind-style in real life.

So, if I have to have this tree killer’s image in my head, so do you.

If you see one, report it to 866-702-9938.  Better yet, they recommend you catch a few in a jar and freeze them, or take digital pictures.  Both will aide officials in identifying the beetles.

Got it?  Good.  Now go de-bug your brains.  Pet a warm, fuzzy puppy…or read celebrity dish in US Weekly.

That’s my plan.

Alone again

Sunday, bloody Sunday.

You’ve been my favorite night of television all summer.

But last night The Glee Project wrapped, with Damian and Samuel winning the right to a seven-episode arc on the prime time version of Glee.

In true gleek fashion, the Irish import and the Christian rocker prevailed to share the crown.  The other two runners-up also received  two-episode stints on the show.

Even Cameron, who left the competition early because he didn’t ‘fit in,’ was voted fan favorite.

Everyone’s a winner on The Glee Project.

And last Sunday, Food Network Star also came to a close, with fan favorite — and my choice from early on — Jeff Mauro the Sandwich King getting his own show.

The first episode aired yesterday morning, and it was pretty slick, thanks to the Food Network production team.  I think Jeff should settle in quite nicely.  (As he pointed out himself, he is ‘kinda cuddly.’)

So now Sunday nights are left to only the critters and crazies on True Blood.

Granted, there is enough insanity on that one show alone to carry Sunday night.  But I will kinda miss all the DVR juggling — and Twitter avoidance — I had to manage to watch all three programs without having outcomes or plot twists spoiled.  It made the vast wasteland that is the Monday-thru-Friday’s-of-summer a little easier to bear.

Everyone who’s psyched for premiere week, raise your werepanther!