Category Archives: Commentary

Dear New York City airports,

Posted on April 28, 2013 | Leave a comment

I will be headed back your way in less than 48 hours. Coming home is always a pleasure. But let’s be honest, my Big Apple airstrips…

Youse guys are fugly.

My current trip through Narita-Tokyo Airport en route to Singapore drove that point home…hard. I only spent two hours in Japan, and the ultramodern, high-tech facility convinced me that JFK and LGA need a major redo.

2013-04-28_09.08.16We can begin with a fun identity for each of you. Look at this little guy; he graces most of the signage at Narita Airport.

What is he?  Who cares? He’s cute… and LaGuardia could use a major dose of cuteness… JFK, too.

There’s nothing cute about either of you now.  No offense.

And speaking of high-tech, check out this gadget in the airport restrooms in Narita.

2013-04-28_09.14.23The facilities in Japan have talents that go far beyond the simple flush. (Come to think of it, everyone was smiling a lot.)

Lastly, you need better food…but I’ve always said that.

Okay, NYC airports, get started.  I’ll be back in two days, and I am expecting great things!

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Posted in Advertising, Airplanes, Commentary, Humor, Life, transportation, Travel

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Most Annoying Celebrity Rag

Posted on April 25, 2013 | 2 Comments

You know how some TV show plot lines are ‘ripped from the headlines?’ I’ve decided People magazine rips theirs from any handy movie premiere calendar.

Easier than workin.’

people gwynethTake their latest World’s Most Beautiful Woman issue featuring Gwyneth Paltrow.

Gwyneth is lovely — I’ll give you that.  But the most beautiful woman in the world?  Of all the choices in Hollywood and around the globe?

In the words of Jerry Seinfeld — speaking to his young son outside my brownstone one Saturday afternoon –

“Probably not.”

But it is far simpler — isn’t it People editorial staff — to crown Ms. Paltrow?   She has Iron Man 3 coming out in a theatre near you…plus, your rival Star magazine just named her Most Hated Celebrity (which is probably more accurate).

Your advertisers are happy!  Moms her age are happy!  And Star has been put in its place.

Who cares if it isn’t true?

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Posted in Celebrities, Commentary, Entertainment, Humor, Life, Magazines, Movies, TV

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Backyard brew

Posted on April 24, 2013 | Leave a comment

A cold beer after you’ve cut the lawn sounds good to most people.

But a beer with that ‘real lawn mower experience?’

lawn mower ad

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I think something got lost in translation back in Sweden…

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Posted in Advertising, Commentary, Foods, Humor, Life, Writing

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Taking to the skies

Posted on April 23, 2013 | Leave a comment

I stole this image from my cousin’s Facebook page.

crows

She was encouraging her children not to feel the need to follow what everyone else is doing — to strike out on their own.

I couldn’t agree more.

But here’s another thing to keep in mind — not only do we see the lone bird first, it’s far easier to take a shot at him.  So if you take a different route, be prepared to defend your choice.

(Don’t worry — it’s totally worth it.)

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Posted in Animals, Children, Commentary, Family, Humor, Life, Relationships

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Seven years or less

Posted on April 22, 2013 | 2 Comments

Can you believe The Rachael Ray Show has been on the air since the fall of 2006?

I moved to Manhattan that July; her show debuted a few months later.  And I signed up for free tickets on the website.

They arrived in my inbox today.

rachael rayCan you believe that??

I mean, I don’t watch the show anymore, so I don’t really care.  But how can The Rachael Ray Show have a seven-year waiting list?

I live right down the street, for cripes sake.  You’d think at some point they would have called me to fill in on a slow taping day.  Other more popular shows certainly have once I was on their mailing list.

Even Late Show with Jimmy Fallon reserves seats a month out.  I’ve been able to see Daily Show several times.  Saturday Night Live and Late Night with David Letterman are harder tickets to score, but even they have standby lines.

So what’s the deal with The Rachel Ray Show?

Maybe it’s her Oprah-esque giveaways that limit her tickets.  I want to think that.  Let’s think that.

Wonder what I’ll get…

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Posted in Celebrities, Commentary, Entertainment, Foods, Humor, Life, Television, TV

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Sheep schtick

Posted on April 20, 2013 | Leave a comment

It has been 22 years since The Silence of the Lambs won the Oscar for Best Picture.

Feeling old?

silenceThen come to New York City and see Silence: The Musical, the way funny parody of that award-winning horror story now playing on Broadway.

Clarisse is there…Dr. Lector, too.  And the wannabe transgender, his little dog and the senator’s daughter, ‘putting the lotion in the basket.’

But the lambs?

Well, they aren’t so silent in this version. They sing.  They dance.  They move set pieces.

Cast-of-Silence-The-Musical-650x433They even ‘clomp’ out a musical number using their little lamb hooves.  I had a major flashback to doing something similar during  a show at Martin City Melodrama & Vaudeville Company in Kansas City…

Just off-Broadway.

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Posted in Academy Awards, Broadway, Comedy, Commentary, Entertainment, Humor, Movies

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Starving, party of three

Posted on April 18, 2013 | Leave a comment

How do you spell BLT?

BLTSeamless.com, my favorite delivery folks, are discussing all the ways to make the tasty sammie with the three-letter name in their blog, The Delivery Bag.

Now, maybe I’m just starving because I’m on day three of a three-day cleanse — yes, I am starving — but the idea of bacon, lettuce and tomato in any configuration is a fun way to pass the time.

When I make a BLT at home, I transform it into a BTCC — bacon, tomato, and cream cheese on whole wheat toast.  I’m not a big fan of lettuce, and the cream cheese just makes the sandwich that much more decadent.

Plus ‘CC’ are my initials — how cool is that?

So, how do you BLT?

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Posted in Blog, Commentary, Foods, Health, Humor, Internet, Life, Restaurants

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Tight spaces

Posted on April 17, 2013 | 2 Comments

I am claustrophobic.

ClaustrophobiaAnd the condition rears its ugly head at the most inopportune times.

Riding the elevator to the top of the St. Louis Arch.  Getting an MRI for a shoulder injury.  Or simply being crowded into the corner of the elevator by one too many people.

But I never thought a facial would freak me out.

I was at a salon today over lunch — indulging in said facial, thanks to a birthday gift card from a generous friend — and the technician completely covered my face with a solid wrap, leaving only a small slit for my mouth.

Needless to say, I panicked.

Once I explained my phobia, she offered to leave a slit for my nose as well.  I still couldn’t see, but I did deep breathing and mind games to remain calm. Not exactly the soothing experience I had in mind…but hey –

My skin looks fabulous!

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Posted in Beauty, Commentary, Humor, Life

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The noise, noise, noise

Posted on April 16, 2013 | Leave a comment

They began in movie theatres months ago, and now they’ve hit TV  –

Trailers for Baz Luhrmann’s The Great Gatsby.

robert redford gatsbyI’ll admit — I didn’t think this movie needed to be remade.  It’s a classic in my mind, as is the book.

And Leonardo DiCaprio playing Gatsby in place of Robert Redford?

Uh, no.

gatsby newBut now that I’ve seen the trailers — many, many times — the casting isn’t even the issue. 

This Gatsby is unrecognizable.  Luhrmann has — well — Luhrmann-ized it; the glitz and glitter is a visual assault.  The soundtrack, too, is so brash and overwhelming, I have actually checked for blood in my ears in the theatre.   Imagine the damage after two hours.

I’m sure Luhrmann has included that, too — in gold…with a dance number.

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Posted in Celebrities, Commentary, Entertainment, Humor, Movies

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Safety is fun!

Posted on April 13, 2013 | 2 Comments

Move over, Southwest Airlines.  There’s a new contender for ‘funniest in the air.’

Delta Airlines

Their new safety video is filled with sight gags large and small.  I’ve seen it on two flights, and am still discovering all the little surprises they have left for the attentive viewer.

juggling chainsawscartwheelsMy favorites?  Bogus safety stickers featured on distant cabin walls.  Sure, we are used to observing “No smoking” and “No electronics”…but “No juggling chainsaws” and “No cartwheels”?

(The video version on my flight also featured “No comb overs”, which I sadly could not find online.)

A robot turns himself off when the cabin door shuts.  The main spokesperson changes clothing and accessories for no apparent reason. And remember the “cat lady” who did the previous safety video for Delta? She makes a cameo, too.

It’s worth a watch or two or seven.  I’ve never enjoyed a safety video more. Or, in fact…

Watched one.

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Posted in Airplanes, Comedy, Commentary, Entertainment, Humor, Internet, Life, transportation, Travel

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