Trust me on that last one.

So why do so many people attempt to photograph the food on the plate in front of them?

True, cameraphones today have the technology to produce great images, but that doesn’t automatically mean we can…especially when hot and cold foods are involved.

Food stylists employ all kinds of amazing techniques and non-food items to create the beautiful images we enjoy online and in magazines.

Like Hollywood superstars, these foods are airbrushed and artificial.

That’s why your picture of grandma’s green bean casserole or turkey chili or that special cocktail from the bar that you text from your phone or post on Facebook or Twitter often receives such unexpectedly negative comments from your family and friends.

It looks kinda gross.  Sorry.

“…so then I threw it all up, and I have never eaten it again.”

Man.  I guess we all have one of those stories. Mine happened when I was 13 years old.

After a morning of shopping, my mom and I got chili dogs at the Midtown Drive-In in Mayfield, Kentucky.  They were a favorite.

Then.

On the way home, I started feeling not-so-good.  Bad, actually.  And I told my mom, who was driving the car, that we needed to pull over.  NOW.  Her response?

“Hold on.  We’re almost there.”

How does one “hold on” when you getting ready to throw up?  I don’t know now, and I certainly didn’t know then.  My clothes and her car upholstery suffered as a result.

And I’ve never eaten a chili dog since.

So…have you sworn off a food that turned on you?  Share your story in the comments section.

And enjoy your lunch!

I got a peek behind the curtain yesterday during my flight to Dallas.  Discovered something that can turn a cold, distant flight attendant into a friendly and engaged conversationalist.

Cookies

It’s as simple as that.

Two pilots were deadheading on my flight from New York City, and they were in the row in front of me.  After we achieved a ‘comfortable cruising altitude,’ the flight attendants started coming.  One by one.  Big smiles on their faces.  Gratitude on their lips.

All because one of the pilots brought the crew cookies when he boarded the plane.

With the rest of the passengers, the flight attendants were polite, but we didn’t get those genuine grins.  Or the frequent check-ins to see if we needed anything else.

I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised.  I’ve received a less effusive version of this treatment when I’ve given a flight attendant a magazine when I’m finished with it.  But yesterday I learned an important nuance:

Do it at the start of the flight.

I have never been a fan of cake.

For my birthday, I prefer pie.  Fruit pie.  (Lemon pie, to be picky and specific.) Sometimes I get one; often I don’t.

But then again, I don’t have a pie fairy like Willis Welch.

For the past 35 years, Willis has received a pecan pie at his Columbus, Ohio door every Christmas.  From whom he can not say, even after all this time.

This year’s pastry was accompanied by a note announcing the pie fairy’s retirement saying,  “I am a little too fat to fly anymore.”

While I’m sad this particular pie maker is grounded, I am inspired by his tradition.  We need more pie fairies in the world!  At birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, sick beds — you name it!  Life needs more pie in it.

Will you be my pie fairy?

You heard me.

And don’t act like you aren’t celebrating, either.

I mean, how could you not?  Baking soda has a plethora of uses around the kitchen and home.

Did you know that baking soda…

• Helps baked goods rise
• Relieves stomach indigestion
• Removes odors in the refrigerator and kitty litter
• Can tenderize meat
• Can minimize flatulance from eating beans
• Polishes silverware
• Removes burned food from pots and pans

How would we get along with it?  Why aren’t we celebrating National Baking Soda Week??

Sorry.  Got overly excited.  Going to drink some baking soda mixed in water to calm myself.

Enjoy the day.

He argues that they are just pancakes with holes in them. I like pancakes better myself.

I’m more interested in the idea of foods that ‘don’t have a point.’

I know I have a list.

• Pâté
• Veal
• Anything that I have to ‘acquire’ a taste for

And on the day after Thanksgiving — when most people’s stomachs are stretched and sad from a day of overeating — more food and drink is bound to make that list.

What are your pointless foods?

Place them in the comments section…and we can rush to agree/argue!

Just ask my family.

So I appreciate clever companies who create products with compromises built right in.

For example, I don’t do the big Turkey Day dinner; I haven’t for years.  I prefer to spend the day at the Macy’s Parade and the movie theater, munching on popcorn and candy.

And this year’s menu will include Thanksgiving Gumballs!

In turkey, pumpkin pie and cranberry flavors, these candies are a mini-Thanksgiving dinner, which should placate friends and family horrified that I’m skipping the biggest holiday-sanctioned food fest of the year.

Plus, they will help me keep the holiday in mind while I’m viewing The Muppet Movie and The Descendants.  ‘Cause nothing makes a person feel more thankful than…

Turkey balls.

It might have a family?

Sometimes, late at night, you can hear the screams coming from the pumpkin patch.

Or that’s the legend. That I just made up.

(And yes, I do realize that’s an orange in the photo. I’m just using it to make my point.)

Juicers have no doubt split up a few happy homes as well.

Happy National Pumpkin Cheesecake Day!

I had planned to write more, but I find myself rather hypnotized by the pumpkin and cheesecake, softly swirling together, round and round and round and round and round and…

If anyone needs me, I’ll be hitching a ride to The Cheesecake Factory.

Resistance is futile.

Take a close look.  What do you see?

A child’s party favorite, certainly.  A dessert small enough to eat without much guilt.  A treat that’s often pretty enough to do double-duty as decor.

But a weapon — a legitimate ‘book ‘em Dano’ weapon?

Police in Chicago fell for it.

They charged a local woman with misdemeanor domestic battery Sunday after she allegedly threw cupcakes at her husband during an argument.  When officers arrived on the scene, his head and shirt were smeared with icing.

Excuse me, but — so what?

According to the Chicago Tribune, the ‘cupcake war’ victim had been arrested three times in the last eight years on domestic battery or battery charges himself.  Wonder if his weapon of choice was something as soft and cushy as a cupcake?

I’m guessing no.

Note — his charges were all dropped.  Wonder if they will be as lenient with our cupcake criminal?