Category Archives: Health

Come clean

Grab the takeout menu; it’s time to celebrate!

If you’ve been looking for a legitimate reason to never cook again, now there’s scientific proof.  A new research study suggests that at least one in seven home kitchens wouldn’t pass the health inspection given to restaurants…so the meals prepared in them could make people sick.

In the study — which was conducted online in 2008 in California’s Los Angeles County — only 61 percent of the homes taking the test would have scored an A or B if put through the actual health inspection.  In comparison, 98 percent of all restaurants in Los Angeles County scored an A or B in their inspections.

Think of all the cases of food poisoning that have been blamed on restaurants, when the real culprit was a lot closer to home.  Your mother?  Trying to kill you.  Your wife?  Plotting to get your money.  Or perhaps you simply have a death wish.

Not convinced?  Think your kitchen would score an easy A?  Take the online test and see for yourself.

And if your score is a disappointment, the only other decision you have to make is delivery or carryout.

Color crime

If you have a few extra pounds on your person, don’t blame yourself.

Blame Benjamin Moore.

A study published in a recent issue of Contract magazine reveals that people who eat in kitchens and dining areas painted red, orange and yellow feel hungrier.  The sunnier hues apparently make food more attractive.

To eat less, we need to surround ourselves with blue light and blue tones…or, at the very least, use blue utensils and dishes to help curb our hunger.

Now they tell me!

My entire house  is a tribute to the colors red, yellow and orange.  They’re even in my bathroom.  I have always loved their energy and fire, but now I guess — deep down – I was really just looking for another excuse to eat.

This revelation has its advantages.  Now, if I gain a pound or two, it’s not my fault; it’s the yellow paint in my kitchen.  And all those red dishes.  Or maybe the orange FLOR tiles in the living room.  Heck, I even have a red leather love seat.

I’m the victim here!

Smart foods

Retinal scans.  They’re all the rage in action films.

  • How do you gain access to most high-security labs?  Retinal scan.
  • What unlocks the CONTROL headquarter doors in “Get Smart?”  Retinal scan.
  • Why does Tom Cruise steal eyeballs in “Minority Report?” Retinal scan.

Ick.

And now retinal scans are coming to a vending machine near you! (Well…if you live outside the United States, that is.)

Massachusetts-based Next Generation Vending and Food Service has begun testing machines that use retinal scans to identify and charge customers for their vending machine purchases.

Kinda creepy, kinda invasive.  Which may be why in the United States, they decided to instead test cash-free machines that link a person’s thumbprint to his or her credit card.

Not sure why that’s less creepy…but it is.  Maybe because we shake hands with people all the time, but it’s rare that we rub eyeballs.  Or let people scan our heads unless it’s medically necessary.

Buying a PayDay doesn’t seem like a medical necessity.  Unless it’s been a really hard day at work.

Crazy good

Unlike most of my friends, I didn’t have many food rules growing up.

My mother was a tremendous cook who always kept the kitchen fully stocked, and as long as we ate at mealtimes, she didn’t really fuss about snacks.  Heck, she liked to snack as much as we did.

She even let us eat Pop-Tarts for breakfast on school days.  So I did.  Every day.  She did put a multivitamin on the kitchen table in an attempt to inject some vitamins and minerals into the meal.

I can get behind that.

So, my mom was the first person I thought of when I heard that Kellogg had opened a Pop-Tarts store in Times Square.  I walked by yesterday on the way to an appointment; just seeing the store made me smile.

I plan to go this weekend and try the new Pop-Tarts sushi.  Create my own custom box of Pop-Tarts, which will definitely contain Brown Sugar Cinnamon and definitely not contain any frosted Pop-Tarts, thank you very much.  And taste test the more than 30 flavors on display.  (I know my sister is very jealous right now.)

Of course, they are also rumored to have t-shirts and the like.  I mean, it is a store in Times Square.

But I doubt very much if they sell vitamins.

Hair show

I have been on the road for the past five days, which means I’ve heard the following phrase a lot:

“Do people tell you that you look like…Kathy Griffin?”

Why, yes…yes, they do.  Pretty much every day.  But especially when I am in airports or train stations or anywhere that people — gay men in particular — think Kathy might be out and about.

I think it’s the hair more than anything.  I’m sure if we stood side-by-side, they’d notice I’m a good half-foot taller, eat more and curse less.

I really don’t mind.   Even though Kathy’s show on Bravo is called “Life on the D-List,” let’s face it — the lady is an A-List celeb now.  She’s won two Emmys and has been nominated for two more this year.

If you watch the “D-List,” which used to simply chronicle her attempts to promote her tour — you’ve probably noticed it’s morphed into something decidedly more high concept this year.  Yes, she’s still a shameless self-promoter, but now she’s using her celebrity to draw attention to causes she believes in, like the repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” and ovarian cancer awareness.

Her methods are uniquely Team Griffin, which means she is often cleaning up messes she made along the way.  That’s what makes the show so hilarious.

That…and her toilet of a mouth.

Childhood scars

The Sticky Egg happily takes topic requests.  Today we answer the following email from J. in Boston:  “Tell the hostage story!”

It is a defining moment in Sticky Egg history.

It’s the reason I will always wear bangs.
It’s probably why I always cry if hit on the head.
And it explains why the “Harry Potter” saga speaks to me on a very personal level.

I was in the third grade, the youngest child, scorned by my siblings.  On that particular Sunday, my sister — three years older and the coolest person I knew — offered to play with me.

This was a BIG DEAL.

She found a length of rope in the small building behind our house and suggested, “Let’s play hostage!”   She then hog tied me, wrists to ankles.

(You’re probably wondering why I went along with this.  She was playing with me.  This was a BIG DEAL.)

After she secured the rope, and I was awkwardly squatting, she told me to try to walk.  On the count of three, she pulled her end, and I fell forward, flat on my face.

That might not have been such a BIG DEAL…except I had been sitting on a cement sidewalk, and my forehead hit the edge.  Hard.

I rolled over onto the grass and started to cry, my nose already swelling.  My sister stood over me, blocking the sun.

“Get up, you big baby” she said.  The truce had ended.

As I quickly sat up, a curtain of bright, red blood cascaded — seemingly in slow motion — across the yard.  I went silent, then began to scream.

The rest is a blur of my brothers and my mother and the rush to the hospital.  I do remember Dr. Stone, my pediatrician, had a pillow mark on his face, like he had been woken up from a nap.  He was especially grouchy in the ER, even for him.

In the end, I had to have 12 stitches in my forehead and was monitored for a possible skull fracture.  (I didn’t have one.)

But I was left with a slightly crooked scar on my forehead…

And a special power — even today — over She-Who-Will-Not-Be-Named.

Potty time

Love potty humor?  How ’bout potties themselves?

Cintas Corporation, provider of specialty services to businesses — including bathroom sanitation — is searching for “America’s Best Restroom” in their ninth annual competition.

Nine times they’ve done this?  Where was I — in the john?

They started taking nominations in February and recently announced 10 finalists. Now it’s up to all of us to vote for our favorites…and in September, they’ll name “America’s Best Restroom.”

I’m proud to say that two of the nominees are right here in New York City — the public restrooms at The Muse Hotel and Bryant Park.  But there are toilets on the list from Wichita to Louisville to Fort Wayne to Las Vegas.

And these potties — all public restrooms, mind you — are pretty spectacular.  Even if you initially thought “Why is the Egg talking toilets?” I think you’ll enjoy a tour of the Top 10. Vote while you’re at it, too.

If you’ve ever needed a public restroom and couldn’t find one, you know how truly important this topic really is.

May the best potty win!

Oops, there it is

Umm…what’s that?

I had outpatient surgery Tuesday — nothing fancy, in and out, all is well –  but it was fancy enough that I wasn’t awake to watch.

When they pulled off the sticky pads that held the electrodes that monitored my heart rate, they not only took off some skin cells, but my self tanner as well!  And in its place?

An unexpected ink-free tattoo as a reminder of my four hours at Lennox Hill Ambulatory Surgery Center!

And we’re not talking one funky, free-form ink-free tat.  We’re talking four — one on each arm, and two on my chest.

I know you’re jealous.

And it gave me a great idea for how folks who don’t like needles can achieve distinctive, tat-like patterns on their person.

  1. Lay down a good base of self tanner.
  2. Apply heavy-duty stickers in the desired shape.
  3. Leave on for a minimum of 90 minutes.
  4. Pull off with great gusto.

Voila — instant, ink-free tats that will last as long as, well, self tanner.

Or you can do it the old-fashioned way and have surgery.

Good luck!

Fat chance

As someone who has tried to outrun her backside most of her life, I had to at least entertain this idea.

FreezeAwayFat — how’s that for a company name — has created a product that uses the cold to reduce fat cells in your stomach, hips and thighs.

How does it work?

They contend that extreme cold activates your body’s brown fat cells, which in turn cause the white fat cells — the icky kind you apparently don’t want — to shrink away, thereby making you trimmer and slimmer.

You achieve this by wearing their Cool Shapes Contouring Shorts and inserting cold gel packs next to the areas you want to trim. Thirty minutes a day for five weeks is all it takes.  You’ll see results without surgery.

I want to believe this will work — even though the shorts look ridiculous — and I’ve never heard of brown and white fat cells before.  It also runs counter to all the things I’ve doubt done in the past to shrink my hips and thighs…like wrapping them in saran wrap under my sweat pants.  (Attractive, I know.)

Plus, if extreme cold is the key, wouldn’t people who live in arctic cold conditions be predisposed to be thin?  Because I’m not sure demographic data supports that.

In the end, Cool Shapes only costs $90 plus shipping — and five weeks of your life — to check out.  If they do work, good for you!

If they don’t, you’ll be set in ice packs for life.

Toot toot

Looking for the perfect 4th of July family holiday destination?

This one’s a GAS.

Only in the South — land of my birth — would folks erect a museum dedicated to beans.  That’s right.  Bush Brothers & Co., the baked bean guys, are opening a museum and visitors’ center this weekend in Chestnut Hill, Tennessee, at the site of the company’s original general store.

Cool beans.

Granted, the television commercials for Bush’s Baked Beans — you know, the ones featuring Jay Bush and his sneaky yet  lovable dog Duke — are pretty funny.  That alone may spark some curiosity about the place.

But the museum doesn’t sound like it has as much of a sense of humor about beans as Jay and his dog do.  The attractions sound fairly standard — a theater showing the TV ads; a display of the original canning tools; a kiosk where you can put yourself in a photo with Duke; and a giant replica of a bean’s journey from field to can.

That’s it?  A bean museum that doesn’t poke even a little fun at itself?  No innuendo — implied or overt — about the bean and its relationship to the more, well, smelly aspects of our person?  Heck, they could have at the very least had Beano sponsor the visitors’ center.

Let’s face it, the movie studios have made several small fortunes laughing at pee, poop and farts.  I hate to see the first bean museum lose out due to good manners.