But what if the very floor could give you vertigo?

Don’t laugh.  It’s happening.

Researchers in Jersey City, New Jersey have found that high contrast black-and-white carpeting is making people sick.

We’re talking headaches.  Visual distress.  Even seizures in epileptics.

Man…that boat trip is sounding better all the time.

They aren’t exactly sure why a high contrast repeating pattern can give the illusion of motion and make viewers sick.  But based on their findings, researchers do recommend that you give carpet more than a quick glance before you make any purchase for your home.

Your home?  I think this information is even more important for all the planes, trains, and automobiles out there.

Talk about a double whammy!

What are my favorite buildings in Manhattan?

The lovesick architect Tom, played by Joseph Gordon-Levitt, was able to find inspiration in Los Angeles.  I live in New York City, home to some of the most iconic buildings in the world.  What speaks to me?

The Lucerne Hotel

When I was looking for my first apartment in the city back in 2006, this Upper West Side building immediately caught my eye.  The realtor had made an appointment for me at a nondescript high-rise across the street; I just wanted to talk about this beautifully ornate structure.

I soon learned it was a boutique hotel with a decidedly European influence — a French restaurant occupies the entire ground floor — and that had it just undergone a major renovation.

But at the turn-of-the-century, The Lucerne was a residence hotel.  Eugene O’Neill is one of its more storied occupants.  I’m sure it was less grand back then, but the man knew his architecture.

I wish the darn thing would go co-op now!

The hosts used only napkins, cups and plates that could be placed directly into the compost –  very smart, very green.

Unfortunately, paper products of that ilk aren’t green…or any color, for that matter.  Composting means they can’t contain dyes.  So the party ware was of the decidedly winter white variety.

It was worth it.

But if you prefer color in your paper products, get a load of these! Toilet paper, paper towels, napkins and tissues by Renova in the brightest of the brights!

I love these vibrant, saturated tones.  The toilet paper pictured here is made of 100% virgin pulp, is very soft and absorbent, and is tested under “dermatological and gynaecological control.”

Ya gotta admit, it looks pretty cool.  And it’s also available in black, green, orange, and purple.

White Christmas?  Not necessarily.  (Can’t wait to see Nana’s face…)

He’s a nightlight for sale at my friend Stephanie’s shop, Stoopher & Boots.

Every time I have seen him, I couldn’t look away. (We don’t get a lot of his kind on the Upper West Side.)

Then I started hearing a sound when I was near him…a soft chant. “Milo. Milo.” (He’s a friend of mine — the baby boy variety – who has a particular interest in the ‘bots.)

He needed that robot nightlight.  So after a quick consultation with his parental units, it was soon on its way to Milo’s robot-themed bedroom in sunny Los Angeles.

Look at it — sitting in his room, like it was made for the place.

It’s almost an exact match to the robot in the print on the wall!

How a’bot that?

I like scary movies — not gory, mind you, but scary.  I saw all three Paranormal Activity films (even the last one which spit all over the franchise) and can’t wait for Daniel Radcliffe’s new venture The Woman in Black.

The trailer totally creeps me out.

I like scary TV shows, too.  American Horror Story is easily the spookiest thing I have ever seen on television (next to Dark Shadows from my childhood days).

Being scared — if only for an instant — is big fun.

But getting a friend request from your unborn child on Facebook? That’s sick scary….as in just a little too real to laugh about later.

But that’s how Olla Condoms, a Brazilian company, has chosen to market their products.  They randomly select men on Facebook, create a fake profile for their unborn sons and then send friend requests with the message “Avoid surprises like this. Use Olla Condoms.”

Jeepers creepers.

It reminds me of a Halloween card that Shoebox had in their line years ago — they may still.  It featured a women on the cover saying, “For Halloween, I wanted to send you the scariest card I could find.”

Inside it said, “I’m pregnant.”

Talk about scary — I couldn’t even hold the card in my hand.

Just ask my family.

So I appreciate clever companies who create products with compromises built right in.

For example, I don’t do the big Turkey Day dinner; I haven’t for years.  I prefer to spend the day at the Macy’s Parade and the movie theater, munching on popcorn and candy.

And this year’s menu will include Thanksgiving Gumballs!

In turkey, pumpkin pie and cranberry flavors, these candies are a mini-Thanksgiving dinner, which should placate friends and family horrified that I’m skipping the biggest holiday-sanctioned food fest of the year.

Plus, they will help me keep the holiday in mind while I’m viewing The Muppet Movie and The Descendants.  ‘Cause nothing makes a person feel more thankful than…

Turkey balls.

All by his/herself.  Without my help.

I know this is not in his/her wheelhouse, so I want to provide all the support and inspiration that I can from afar.  Look at what you can achieve, my friend, with some closet finery and lots of blood, sweat and tears!

Oooooooo.

Ahhhhhhh.

I have faith in you, kid.  Send me pics when you are finished!

Talk about self-control.

Now the competition is in full swing.  I like David and Carson and find Nancy Grace annoying as predicted.  They’ve had their first truly shocking celebrity elimination — Kristin Cavallari, say it isn’t so!

But, as usual, the team that is surging to the forefront — the one that is the clear audience and judge’s favorite is…

Derek Hough + one

It doesn’t matter who he dances with, really.  She can be famous, unknown, tall, short, talented, or just so-so.  If Derek is dancing with her — and choreographing their numbers — you will be hard-pressed to find another pair that can take that glittery, mirror ball trophy away from him.

Except maybe his sister Julianne…and she’s moved on to bigger and better things.  (See Footloose this weekend.)

If you aren’t a DWTS watcher — my my, what you are missing — go to the Intertubes and get a load of Derek and Ricki Lakes’ tango to the Psycho movie theme song that they danced last night.

Killer.

No, seriously — do you know what ‘flarp’ is?

I encountered this word yesterday for the very first time in an article online.  Thanks to the all-knowing, all-seeing Google, I soon learned that flarp is a liquid-like goo that makes a fart noise when you stick your hand in it.

Brilliant.

Flarp no doubt has a lot of admirers amongst the pre-teen set.  But what makes flarp rise above the farts it attempts to mimic is it smells good.  In fact, it comes in no less than six fruity aromas — orange, lemon, banana, strawberry, pineapple and grape.

You can see how that would beat the real thing every time.

Obviously, flarp entered the scene long after my childhood had passed.  When I was a kid, we were all about Silly Putty.  Silly Putty didn’t make any noise to speak of, and it came in only one color/smell combo — putty grey.

You could copy newspaper print and comics with Silly Putty.  Remember newspapers?  That stuff we used to read before the Internet?

You’re using your flarp right now to make fun of me…aren’t you?

Pfffttt!

Best of luck to everyone working hard (and playing hard) at today’s Fancy Farm Picnic!  No one does barbecue better — I can almost taste it — and there might be loss of life during the political speeches this year.

I hate to miss that.

At the very least, could someone play a few cards of tab bingo for me?  And if that doesn’t work out…

…just make sure I win the car, okay?

Thanks.