Category Archives: Humor

Home improvement

I have become a bit of an HGTV addict since a visit to a good friend last August.

Now the channel is the background noise in my apartment. Property Brothers, Fixer Upper, and Love It or List It are major distractions. And I hear this tired cliche from homeowners all the time
happywifehappylife

 

 

 

 

 

Perhaps I should be thrilled that the woman is ‘winning’ in this scenario, but instead it kinda pisses me off.

I’ve never been married, but I envision a partnership of sorts where decisions are made together and compromise is key. This credo makes it sound like the wife is some crabby curmudgeon who holds every outcome over her husband’s head.  If its doesn’t go her way, grudges will commence! Sex will be withheld! Pain will be inflicted!

Geez — where’s the love?

And where’s the husband equivalent of this saying?  Is there one?

An unmarried woman wants to know.

 

 

Taste test

I am watching ESPN, and a commercial for Cheez-Its just aired.

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You’ve probably seen it.

Scientists are testing cheese to make sure it is mature…because only aged cheddar goes into Cheez-Its.

I don’t know.  The immature cheese sounds like a lot more fun.  I think it would taste better, too.

These are the important issues that occupy my big brain.

All over but the crying

I have just finished binge-watching the new season of House of Cards. But don’t worry — there are no spoilers here.

You have to put in all those hours to learn about their latest foibles.

house of cards2

 

I’m just anxious to interact with real people again after my total immersion the past couple of days (other than brief breaks for UK basketball [29-0] and dog walks).

You know what I missed most?

Blinking.

Not me — I blink quite a bit, whether in conversation or while watching hours of TV.  I wear contacts; it’s required.

But the cast of House of Cards never appears to blink. Not even when the camera takes a long, dramatic look…pushing in for a revealing closeup.

They simply don’t give into the urge.

I would love to be on set when the director yells ‘cut.’ I envision the actors blinking furiously. Eye drops being administered post haste. A furious rubbing of eyelids, followed by frantic makeup touch ups.

Or, I hope that happens.

 

Acid wash

boyfriend jeansWhat does the term ‘boyfriend jeans’ mean to you?

Loose jeans? Distressed jeans?  Or…

Super sexy jeans?

Old Navy is now selling this popular style to girls and babies, and continuing to call them boyfriend jeans. Some parents and psychologists argue that this name is inappropriate for such a young clientele, who shouldn’t be thinking about wearing their boyfriend’s jeans or even have a boyfriend at all.

In the words of Seth and Amy at the SNL Weekend Update desk — “Really?”

I’d argue that the ‘highly sexualized nature’ of the name lies in the minds of these doctors and parents. Jeans shoppers have heard it in the marketplace for years; it simply means ‘loose fitting.’  Any babies and little girls made aware of the name will define it in terms of their own innocent friendships (unless their parents attempt to explain it in an adult context and scar them forever).

Keep calm and carry on, parents. There are far bigger boogie men out there to fight.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Color my world

Have you seen the dress that has blown up the Internet?

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Looks white and gold to me…although the woman who originally posted the pic has revealed the dress is really blue and black.

What colors do you see?

Consult your local listings

I know that every Kentucky fan is thrilled with the new SEC Network, which pretty much guarantees that any UK Wildcats basketball game not on network television or ESPN will now be televised.

Unless you live in the Northeast.

This is what tonight’s game between Kentucky and Mississippi State looks like to me —

SECNetwork

I’m guessin’ that tall, light-blue bar is Willie Cauley Stein, right?

Have a seat

It’s a running gag in television shows and movies —

Dad’s ugly recliner

It often has seen better days, no longer fitting in with Mom’s decorating updates inspired by HGTV. And when Dad sees it, Dad sits in it. And stays.

Oh, the hilarity that the average sitcom has mined from that age-old dynamic. It’s funny ’cause it’s true.

If you remember that chair–or, more tragically, still have that chair sitting in your home and rue the day–perhaps this recliner will help you realize…

Weird-organically-designed-sofa-seat

It could be a lot worse.