Category Archives: Humor

Harry scary

Thinking about seeing The Woman in Black, starring Daniel Radcliffe, this weekend?
The Sticky Egg was at the theatre first thing this morning to bring you this review.

Plus, I don’t see scary movies close to bedtime.  I’ve learned that lesson the hard way. (Remind me to tell you about my Blair Witch Project fiasco sometime.)

The Woman in Black is my favorite kind of horror film.  The ghosts are scary, but they pretty much stay in one place — in this instance, an old haunted house in Yorkshire at the turn of the century.  There’s also no gore.

I hate gore.

Daniel Radcliffe, who has joked about being cast as Harry Potter because of his ‘orphan eyes,’ uses them to full effect here as a still grieving widowed lawyer sent to the haunted manse on business for the former owner.

Once there, he sees the legendary Woman in Black and soon children in the village begin to die in horrific ways.

I love the look of the film — so gray and cold.  I kept burrowing under my coat to get warm in the theatre.  Radcliffe disappears into the role as well; you won’t confuse him with Harry here.  The film is well paced, building slowly and eerily towards it climax.

Or what you think is the climax.

Bwha ha ha.

Daytimer

I didn’t watch the series 24 starring Kiefer Sutherland.

I know it was great.  Perhaps one day I will.

But right now, I feel like I’m living it…because I can’t go 24 hours without running into Kiefer Sutherland.

He’s the voice of calm on the current Bank of America television campaign. (They need one.)  He’s the spokesperson for Apple Intel, his raspy voice the perfect complement to their space age-y spots.  He’s also the voice of Nissan and Verizon — and that’s just in the United States.

In Canada, his dulcet tones sell Ford Fusion.  In Brazil, it’s Peugeot.

I know he has a new series on television called Touch, and a 24 feature film in the works.  But seriously Kiefer, why bother?

You already RULE THE WORLD.

Food as art

There are many pursuits in life that we trust only to experts. Electrical.  Plumbing.  Surgery.  The cutting of our bangs.

Trust me on that last one.

So why do so many people attempt to photograph the food on the plate in front of them?

True, cameraphones today have the technology to produce great images, but that doesn’t automatically mean we can…especially when hot and cold foods are involved.

Food stylists employ all kinds of amazing techniques and non-food items to create the beautiful images we enjoy online and in magazines.

Like Hollywood superstars, these foods are airbrushed and artificial.

That’s why your picture of grandma’s green bean casserole or turkey chili or that special cocktail from the bar that you text from your phone or post on Facebook or Twitter often receives such unexpectedly negative comments from your family and friends.

It looks kinda gross.  Sorry.

That’s entertainment

During a lively discussion about the Oscar nomination hits and misses with a friend of mine in the ‘hood, a nine-year old girl listening in countered,

“You know this awards stuff isn’t really important, right?”

A child with perspective.  I hate that.

Well, she’s gonna love this.  I now want to address the egregious omission of Ben and Leslie of Parks and Recreation from the E! Online “TV’s Top Couples Tournament.”

Thirty-two couples are vying for the title, and Ben and Leslie aren’t even being considered.

Thank goodness Lil’ Sebastian isn’t alive to see this day.

Since the obvious winner isn’t allowed to compete, I want to make sure some good couples make it into the round of Sweet 16.

Couples like…

  • Phil and Claire of Modern Family
  • Castle and Beckett of Castle
  • Leonard and Penny of The Big Bang Theory
  • Barney and Robin of How I Met Your Mother

I’m sure you have your favorites, so vote today!

It’s very important.

The producers

If you’re a fan of Downton Abbey — and really, who isn’t — you’ve no doubt seen this a few times:

“Funding for Masterpiece is provided by the Masterpiece Trust, created to ensure the series future, with support from Donald and Darlene Shiley and the following…”

“The following” change episode to episode, but the Shileys remain at the top of the list.  You’ll even see their names as supporters of Masterpiece Mystery.

Which got me thinking — who are Donald and Darlene Shiley? Should I know their names already?  And can I personally thank them for ‘ensuring the future’ and very existence of Downton Abbey?

Sadly, Donald died in August of last year, but not before he made tremendous contributions as a doctor and philanthropist.  Shiley collaborated with Swedish cardiologist Dr. Viking Bjork to develop the Bjork-Shiley heart valve, which is credited with saving hundreds of thousands of lives.

He also contributed millions to research centers in San Diego which bear his name. The Shiley Eye Center at UC San Diego. The Shiley Center for Science and Technology at the University of San Diego. The Donald P. Shiley Cardiovascular Research Center at San Diego State University.

He and his wife Darlene have given millions to Alzheimers research, the Scripps Clinic, The Old Globe Theater and KPBS.  (She worked as a TV public service director and promotions manager before their marriage.)

So now, each time I sit down to enjoy another addictive episode of Downton Abbey, I’ll smile knowing an even greater love story made the whole darn thing possible.

Snooze button

Prudential’s current television campaign, entitled “Day One,” features men and women enjoying their first day of retirement. Having enough money to do so comfortably may be the underlying message, but Prudential is smart enough to focus on why it’s so desirable.

More time to spend with family. Travel. Enjoy your hobbies. Volunteer. And the image that made me smile and shake my head in ready agreement…

No more alarm clocks.

Since today is Sunday, many of us — retired or not — got to skip the alarm. Now, close your eyes and imagine….

One day you can take a sledge hammer to that thing.

For realsies.

Lady luck

When it comes to bugs, I earned my wimp card years ago.

I’m not a fan.

But the ladybug?  That’s one very different beetle.  It’s cute, it eats a lot of harmful insects and it’s lucky.  (That’s a scientific fact.)

If you like ladybugs too, you might consider this Ladybug Nightlight that my friend Stephanie sells at Stoopher & Boots on the Upper West Side.

Look at that face.

And you might stop reading right now.  Because the rest of this post on ladybugs will freak you out.  It did me.

Hungarian Artist Gabor Fulop also likes ladybugs.  A lot. So much so that he created 20,000 and hand-painted them.

He then applied his ladybug creations to a  sculpture of the human form, forcing viewers to imagine what it would feel like to have ladybugs crawling over every inch of their bodies.

Me?  I wouldn’t feel lucky at all.

Rain day

Guess who was waiting to greet me at my front door this morning?

Surly little devil.

And rumor has it he plans to hang around all day.

Uninvited.

Now, I have two possible responses to my unwelcome guest.

First, I can let him ruin my day.  Get nothing accomplished.  Eat too much.  Get depressed. Perhaps shed a tear or two for no particular reason.

Or I can chose the far healthier response…

Go see a movie.

I still may not get as much work done as originally planned.  I may — okay, I will — eat junk food.  And if I end up crying, that simply means…

It was another great day at the theatre.

Like the Dickens

While I was on a business trip in London a few years ago, a surprise snow blanketed the city.  A colleague, looking out the window of our hotel room at the falling snow, quipped:

“It’s so Dickensian!”

And we had our catchphrase.

It did feel like we had stepped back in time, into one of the classic novels we had all read in school.  The snow didn’t last, but the memory of that brief interlude has to this day.

Stateside in 2012, ‘Dickensian’ has an entirely different vibe.

StrangeBeautiful just launched their Dickensian Edition of nail colors, which is roughly 10 different shades…of black.

(Only true New Yorkers can discern the difference.)

Creator Jane Schub said her interpretation of Dickens for the collection was inspired by photography, literature, art, coal and broken shale.

Geez, Jane — did you even read the novels?

They have happy endings.

Popping the question

My nephew got engaged last week.

He proposed to his girlfriend while they were making dinner at his apartment.  They texted me the news, including photos of the ring.  A few days later they made the announcement on Facebook.

A modern love story.

I couldn’t help but compare that to Mr. Darcy’s proposal to Elizabeth Bennet in Pride & Prejudice.  (I watched it again last night when my cable box was on the fritz.)

He proposed the first time in the rain.  They argued, and she rejected him.

The second time (pictured here) they met in the middle of a field — in the middle of the night — in their night clothes. 

Then Mr. Darcy asked Elizabeth’s father for her hand in marriage before the family had even eaten breakfast.

For such a proper time in history, that whole thing seems a bit scandalous in comparison….don’t you think?   Imagine your own son or daughter wandering into your front lawn at dawn in their PJs talking weddings.  You’d think they were drunk.

Of course, it would make a good story.