If you’re tired of playing that dated and — let’s be honest — rather trite ‘Aren’t you proud to be here today doing your civic duty?’ video to newbies in the jury pool each day, help is on the way!

Wouldn’t a sweeping tale of love and romance — ripped from the headlines “Law and Order” style — be way more inspiring to the usual herd of unwilling victims…and easier for you to stomach watching over and over and over again?

Well, I’d say it’s only a matter of time before a dramatization of the real life courtroom love story between a certain famous former plaintiff and a member of his jury will be coming to a holding room near you.

The couple?  None other than Rodney King, the Los Angeles man who was notoriously beaten by members of the LAPD, and Cynthia Kelley, a member of the jury that awarded him a $3.8 million settlement in the civil suit against that very police department.

(The two met the day after the trial at a pizza shop, so it’s all above board.)

Think of the singles who normally crowd into bars, or suffer through blind dates or church mixers, desperately looking for Mr. and Ms. Right.  Now, those same singles will be clamoring to meet their special someone and send people they don’t know to prison.

There’s a fun two-fer…and the meal’s included.

Now, there’s no guarantee that everyone will find happiness in the courtroom and walk down the aisle like Rodney and Cynthia.  But if you wanna take a chance on love…

You’re just gonna have to face the judge.

In the two years since she left the show, she’s been back numerous times to do stints on “Weekend Update,” imitate Hillary Clinton, and guest star on the Betty White special.  She still seems like a member of the cast.

Why bring her back now as a “guest host,” especially when the show is introducing four new cast members?

The two new girls — Vanessa Bayer from Second City and Taran Killiam from The Groundlings — will already have to fight tooth and nail for every moment on stage, since most female roles seem to go automatically to Kristen Wiig.

Now you’re adding Amy Poehler to the mix…so all they can hope for is the rudimentary waitress role or maybe the face-in-the crowd scene.  If they get lucky, they’ll be a reporter asking a question from the audience.

Wow — that rocks.

Don’t get me wrong.  When you consider all “Saturday Night Live” femmes — current and former — Amy is near the top of the list.  She’s not only an amazing improviser, character actor and comedienne, but in all interviews and conversations, she appears to be a down-to-earth, nice person.

That is a rare compliment indeed in that business.

But half the fun of “Saturday Night Live” is bringing in an A-list celebrity who’s not the first name in comedy and seeing what they can do.  Remember how unexpectedly great Peyton Manning was as a guest host?  Or Brian Williams from “NBC Nightly News”?  Even a great dramatic actor can quickly lose his footing on SNL — or be amazing like Christopher Walken.  And that’s what we want to see…not a very-very-recent cast member who seems like she never left.

So, while I’m sad Amy’s sitcom “Parks and Recreation” is on hiatus until mid-season — and she’s no doubt looking to fill her schedule — I think there are plenty of other celebs out there (not to mention the new cast members, hello) who are chomping at the bit for the opportunity to show what they can do in the comedy arena.

But Amy?  Girl, you’re good to go.  Give our best to Will and the boys.

Yeah, I thought it sounded made up, too, but it’s not.  National Rain nor Snow Day celebrates the opening of the New York Post Office building on this date in 1914.

The building has the following inscription:

“Neither snow nor rain not heat nor gloom of night, stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds.”

A lot of people — myself included — think of this as the United States Post Office motto, but it’s not; it was actually the motto of the Pony Express, which was never a government-funded operation.

I know…as holidays go, it’s not that exciting.  Ask Kevin Costner; he did an entire movie on the topic — it was called “The Postman,” and nobody went to see it (except my brother Kent, who liked it a lot).

But I’m doing my best to extend your holiday weekend — to give you an excuse to stop your work and go home.

So, run!  Be free!  Find a horse and gallop off into the sunset!

If you’ve been looking for a legitimate reason to never cook again, now there’s scientific proof.  A new research study suggests that at least one in seven home kitchens wouldn’t pass the health inspection given to restaurants…so the meals prepared in them could make people sick.

In the study — which was conducted online in 2008 in California’s Los Angeles County — only 61 percent of the homes taking the test would have scored an A or B if put through the actual health inspection.  In comparison, 98 percent of all restaurants in Los Angeles County scored an A or B in their inspections.

Think of all the cases of food poisoning that have been blamed on restaurants, when the real culprit was a lot closer to home.  Your mother?  Trying to kill you.  Your wife?  Plotting to get your money.  Or perhaps you simply have a death wish.

Not convinced?  Think your kitchen would score an easy A?  Take the online test and see for yourself.

And if your score is a disappointment, the only other decision you have to make is delivery or carryout.

On the walk back uptown, we were laughing at the snippets of conversation we overheard from passersby — everything from one man’s recitation of his daily pill intake to a teenager’s repeated, “So, what are we gonna do now, huh?  Huh?” to his rather bored looking girlfriend.

(We weren’t eavesdropping; they were just talking really loud.)

That’s when my friend told me about a website called OverheardinNewYork.com — a compilation of conversation overheard in New York City and beyond that is posted online for everyone to enjoy.

These hilarious gems are submitted by everyday folks; the website editors put them into categories — heard in the office, the beach, New York City, celebrity wit, and everywhere (as in everywhere else) — and then give them snarky headlines.  They let site visitors get in on the fun, too, with regular contests where you can submit your headline ideas.  Winners receive copies of the book Overheard in New York.  (Yes, there’s a book, too.)

Here are a few you might enjoy:

Mom to daughter, wandering off: No, come back here, I don’t want to lose you in the store. I already lost one of my kids that way, and that’s enough.

Wife: You’re so grim!
Husband: You made me grim.
Wife: Did I make you grim?
Husband: I’m not grim.

Girl: I’m so glad I don’t work nine to five.
Friend: So, when do you work?
Girl: Eight to four thirty.

Silly, right?  But if nothing else, regular visits to the website will make you feel smarter.

Enjoy!

They were dealing with some weather issues of their own, and while the commentators discussed past winners, the name “Adam Scott”, the 2003 champion, jumped out at me.

Adam Scott…a professional golf player?  Adam Scott doesn’t play golf.  Adam Scott is an actor.  I knew him first as Henry in the exceptional Starz cater waiter comedy “Party Down,” but he made the leap to the NBC sitcom “Parks and Recreation” last season.

(Good decision on his part, too, because Starz canceled the comedy, the bums.)

So, I checked Wikipedia — ’cause if it’s there, it’s gospel — and sure enough, Adam Scott is a golfer from Australia.  It’s funny, though — when you look at the promotional pics of Adam Scott the golfer and Adam Scott the actor, it’s not immediately obvious which is which (unless you already know).

Take a look yourself.

See what I mean?

If you don’t know, there are some clues.  Adam Scott the golfer [on the left] has a killer tan and a bit more muscle definition — he works outside, so it stands to reason.  (No offense intended, Adam Scott the actor.  Chances are, you are much, much funnier.)

An interesting side note — Adam Scott the golfer is no stranger to the movie biz, either; he dated actor Kate Hudson back in the day.

Man — don’t you love sports??

The Egg ain’t no Twitter, but today — on the national release date of “Going the Distance,” starring Drew Barrymore — I have the perfect excuse to talk up an actor who has been one of my fav’s for years:

Justin Long

I remember Justin’s very first film –  “Galaxy Quest,” that wonderful send up of the “Star Trek” series.  Although he was 21 at the time, Jason was cast as teenage sci-fi nerd Brandon, who helps save the cast of a space TV show when they have to play their roles for real to save an alien culture.  (It is way funnier than that sounds.)  The cast includes Tim Allen, Sigourney Weaver and Alan Rickman, and it is genius.

Next, Jason played another geeky high school kid in the TV series “Ed,” starring Tom Cavanaugh.  That gig lasted four years, so he able to flesh out the role and make it more three-dimensional.  I loved that show — it was an amazing ensemble — but when it ended, Justin went on to play versions of that same lovable, slightly geeky guy in a series of movies.

Then he became the MAC guy.

That person seemed a bit cooler and less nerdy (even for someone talking computers).  And while you might think a role with that kind of visibility would move his career forward, it seemed to stall it a bit.

As he described in an interview, ‘it’s hard for the MAC guy to play a cowboy in a western.’

So, I’m really excited to see “Going the Distance.”  Many of the top critics are saying good things, and the trailers look really funny.  Plus, I think it could mean good things for Justin’s career in the years to come.

Because I want only the best for my friend.

It’s always a thrill to watch the top seeds LIVE under the lights.

But if you’ve caught any of the tournament coverage to date, you may have noticed a bizarre preoccupation on behalf of the announcers.  Not on stats or seeds or rivalries or revenge.

This year, it’s all about ‘what you’re wearing.’

John and Patrick McEnroe have anointed themselves the unofficial Joan and Melissa Rivers of ESPN2.  They’ve been doling out fashion advice to male and female tennis players pretty much every match.

Nadia Petrova’s striped tennis dress was deemed ‘too loud; she really needs to seek out some help.’  They seemed to find her outfit a bigger problem than her defeat to Andrea Petkovic. I’ll admit — the stripes aren’t my favorite, either.  But going on and on about her outfit seemed a bit like rubbing salt in the womb after she lost in a three-set tiebreaker.

Rafa Nadal’s neon tennis shoes were ‘a risk, but a good one.’  They did match his outfit, which I thought was cool since there wasn’t a stitch of white on him.  But his match with Teymuraz Gabashvili of Russia was surprisingly competitive — I would have liked to have heard a bit more about this relative unknown.

Even in Andy Roddick’s late night upset by Janko Tipsarevic, there was as much talk about the many tats that Tipsarevic was ‘wearing’ as the lack of energy in Roddick’s game.

I know this is a change of pace for me.  Here I am asking for depth when shallowness is being offered.

But we’re talking John McEnroe here — the snarliest man in sports telling people how to dress and shape their image on the court.  Granted, both his look and personality have improved with age, but I don’t think anyone thinks of him as a style icon.

As we say in the country, ‘it’s hard to escape your raising.’

Other times…not so much.

That’s when you find yourself scouring the Internet, going from website to website, looking for any germ of an idea to get started.  A headline or even a word may be all it takes.  There are even online generators geared to writers that spit out random words or phrases, which can be really helpful at times.

But today I discovered a random image generator that is so cool, I just had to share it.  It’s called “Things on a White Board.” All you do is open the link and click the image.  New images will continue to appear as long as you keep on clickin.’

Frogs, dogs, ghosts, traffic signs.  They hadn’t started repeating when I stopped clicking…but deep down, I kinda wondered if they would.

What will be the last image you see?

Now, you might wonder, “What’s the point?”  I guess some people might find inspiration for new ideas in the images they see.  Or they might just be curious, like me, to see if the loop is as endless as it appears.   Or maybe it’s just a good way to blow five or ten minutes.  Give your brain a break.  Look at some pretty pictures.

Be careful, though.  Like all good things, it’s kinda addictive.

But Katy Perry has been hard to avoid.  She’s everywhere.  I’ve seen her all over the talk show circuit promoting her new album “Teenage Dream,” and more recently hosting the Teen Choice Awards, which I’m not ashamed to say I watched.

(Okay, maybe I have a little shame.)

If you haven’t seen the album cover, Katy is lying in a cloud of pink cotton candy, which I assume inspired the scented CD.

That’s right.  When you open it up, your nose is tickled by the sugary-sweet smell of everyone’s favorite carnival/circus/baseball game confection.  Even if you’ve gotten sick on cotton candy in the past — hasn’t everyone? –  it will no doubt inspire a memory of a good day.

Which begs the question:  why aren’t more things out there scented?

In the movie “Legally Blonde,” Elle Woods scents her resume and prints it on pink paper.  She says it ‘gives it a little something.’  Her instructor and future husband both seem to agree.

What other items would benefit from good smells?  We obviously add scent to detergents and candles and body splash.  But what about movie posters on display at the theater?  Or Playbills handed out at Broadway shows?  Or how about best-selling hardback novels?

Would scent add ambiance or irritation? Inspire comprehension or incite allergy attacks?

Add a ‘little something’ or ultimately, take away?