Tag Archives: airplane passenger

Dead heading

We’ve all sat next to a ‘live one’ on an airplane.

You know, that passenger who just won’t stop talking — who’s super psyched about life. Perhaps it’s their first time flying…or they’re on vacation (instead of business like you). And they simply won’t be quiet.

At that very moment — wouldn’t you trade them for a corpse?

A Swedish woman didn’t have a choice.  She sat next to an honest-to-goodness dead body during her entire 10-hour flight to Tanzania.

He was alive when he boarded, but began to have convulsions and passed away soon after take-off.  There were no other seats available, so the poor woman was stuck with her now silent seat partner until the plane landed.

I know it sounds creepy.  And all my sympathies go out to the deceased man’s family and friends.  But ya gotta admit — there are advantages to sitting next to a dead man.

  1. No talking.  If there is, he ain’t dead.
  2. No sharing the arm rest.  The flight attendant can position him to give you maximum room in the row.
  3. No getting up to let him go to the bathroom. (This assumes the corpse is seated next to the window.  That’s where I’d put him.)
  4. All magazines are fair game. Is your crossword puzzle filled in?  Use the corpse’s!  I don’t think he’ll mind.
  5. More drinks and snacks for you. Take an extra Diet Coke and warmed nuts when the flight attendant passes by.  Just be sure to raise your glass in memory of the corpse.

He’s made your flight extra special.

Sitting pretty

I was wondering what I would write today, and then it hit me.

Literally.

I was sitting on the airplane, and the passenger in front of me reclined his seat back in one fast, forceful, in-my-face motion.  Since he was quite tall, his head was suddenly inches from my face.

There was no look back to see if I had my tray table down.  (It was.)  No quick check to make sure he wouldn’t overturn food or crush a laptop.  (I almost dropped both.)  He just pushed his way into my personal space.

This was war.

Now, I have a lot of sympathy for the overly tall on airplanes.  I have given up my exit row seat on more than one occasion to folks jammed into middle seats.  But this man had two seats to himself.  He could have easily angled his body to gain more legroom without robbing me of mine.

Allowing seats to recline on airplanes is based on the assumption that people will do the right thing.  Can we assume that anymore?

Sadly, I think not.

So I propose that, going forward, we remove the recline lever from all airplane seats.  Instead, the standard airplane seat will be set at a gentle recline at all times.  This compromise position will accommodate the majority of travelers and do away with the growing recline lever abuse.

It will also free up flight attendants of one pre- and post-flight announcement and duty — no more seat backs to straighten or police.

I like it.  What say you?  Vote in the poll below.  Be heard!