Tag Archives: Apple

Cook it yourself

Hosting Thanksgiving this year?

There’s an app for that.

image

Butterball, who has long provided a telephone hotline on Turkey Day to help panicked poultry purveyors, is entering the social media realm this holiday season with an app for Apple users.

That’s right, fellow Androidites. We’ll just have to muddle along old-school. No Butterball specialness for us.

We could chose to be offended, I suppose. Or take it as a sign from the turkey gods that we should be a guest at dinner instead.

Oh yes. I am likin’ the taste of that stuffing.

Branded

You can tell some folk’s politics by the signs in their yard.  But the logo on their coffee cup?

Wake up.  It’s true.

A report by Buyology, Inc., a New York City firm that measures the unconscious
decision making that drives brand preference, links consumers’ politics to the brands they buy.

For example, Democrats are more likely to buy Starbucks coffee.  Republicans prefer Dunkin Donuts’ brew.

No beans about it.

Partisanship also rears its ugly head in folks’ choice of car, insurance, sport and gaming system.  Democrats prefer Jeep, Progressive, NFL and Wii; Republicans go for BMW, Allstate, Major League Baseball and XBOX.

But both parties agree on Coke, Google, VISA, Apple and Olay.

Wha?  The Democrats and Republicans agree on five whole things? This is either a sign of a huge turnaround…

Or the end of the world.

Juiced

As someone who doesn’t own any Apple products — that’s right, people, nary a one — I am often fascinated by the passion that iPod, iPad and iPhone owners exhibit when speaking about their toys.

To an outsider, they look and sound like members of a bizarre religious cult.  The zeal in their eyes is unnerving and feverishly bright.  Their quick defense against any perceived insult towards the brand seems almost a rote recitation of hallowed Apple lore.

That must be some tasty Kool-Aid they’re servin’.

I was reminded of this phenomenon Wednesday during my flight to New Orleans.  A true Apple-tonian (Apple-ite?  Appler?) was seated behind me.  As he was putting away his phone for takeoff, the gentleman seated next to him asked if it was the new iPhone4.

Two and a half hours later — when the plane was landing — that apostle of all things Apple emerged from the zone and took a breath.

During that time, he had lovingly detailed every feature, every app, every dimple and dent of his beloved iPhone, the number of “likes” littering his speech increasing exponentially with his level of excitement.

I’ll admit, Apple makes amazing products and has even more effective marketing.  But even their biggest fan on the plane conceded that his iPhone was shit at making phone calls.  Didn’t work well at all.   But this too he turned into an iPositive.

“It’s the only way I can truly escape,” he said with a contented sigh.  “Having ‘no service’ is the perfect excuse.”

Somewhere, an Apple genius has a tear in his eye.

Stand and deliver

I have my issues with Apple.

They make innovative products — I’ll give them that.  Their really cool looking gizmos do most of the stuff they’re supposed to do.

But they repeatedly rush their products to market under a blaze of brilliantly constructed advertising — honestly, no one does marketing better — and when their products fall short of what was promised, they totally suck on the customer service end.

There was the pre-order debacle — as in, people couldn’t get through to place one.  Now in-store inventories are low.  And lines to get the iPhone 4′s that are available at the stores are ridiculously long.

Apple’s poor follow-through even drove perennial everyman Jason Bateman of “Arrested Development” to pull the celebrity card and cut a 2,000-person long line at a Los Angeles store to get his iPhone.

He got booed when he left.

And what’s this?  There’s a yellow tint or line on their much heralded display.  More seriously, if you hold the phone wrong, you might not get a signal.  Pardon me…I hold my cellphone at the bottom, like a normal person.

I’m not hurling all this bitterness at Apple because I was stuck in a long line waiting for my iPhone.  I use a Palm Pre quite happily.

I just want Apple to realize that customer service is the other side of marketing.  If your can’t deliver on the BS you’re selling…

Don’t sell.

iKill

When my friend Leah and I walk by the Apple store in our neighborhood, I always bow.  I sometimes add a sound effect, too….a long, drawn-out and other-worldly “laaaaaaaaaaa” that befits the store’s cathedral-like presence.

She just keeps walking.

You see, she’s an Apple fan.  I still use a PC.  Don’t get me wrong — I think the company is very innovative.  I just don’t rush out and buy every Apple product the minute it hits the market.  Like the iPad.

And thank goodness I didn’t.  It might have saved my life.

At the Foxconn factory in China where the iPad is made, there have been a disturbing number of suicides among the factory workers.  Is it the factory conditions?  Officials say no.  Could it be low wages?  Apple pays above the national average.

Is it the iPad itself?

Let’s think about it.  There have been complaints about the tablet since its release in April, including:

  • the low visibility screen
  • weak WiFi
  • difficult typing
  • more expensive apps
  • recharging and syncing problems
  • its fragile casing

All annoying, yes…but perhaps now we should add ‘makes people want to off themselves’ to the list.

My PC is looking better and better…

iPad i do

I’m all for creative proposals, but this one?

A guy used an iPad to ask his girlfriend to marry him.

What the wha??

He started off strong enough.  He took his girlfriend to the bench where he first asked her out.  He sat down next to her.   He took her hand….and gave her his iPad and ear buds, telling her to watch a slide show of photos from their time together.  The final slide popped the question.

What happened to going down on one knee?  To speaking words from the heart that tell her how you feel?  To asking her that all important question yourself?

You were sitting right there, stupid!  Did you really need an overgrown iPhone to do the heavy lifting for you???

Use your iPad to create the slideshow for your rehearsal dinner or wedding reception.  Don’t use a slideshow to pop the question.

How about some one-on-one communication for a change?

Believe me — once you are married, you can’t text your wife all the time.  She is going to expect you to talk to her every once in awhile.

Geeez.