Tag Archives: babies

Tickled pink

There are rules on the subway. I’ve outlined them here before…along with my tendency to violate “No eye contact.”

It’s a Southern thang.

But today I found the secret weapon that turned an entire subway car full of New Yorkers. We’re talking eye contact with the person of interest. Eye contact with each other. Smiles even.

onesie

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Even the most jaded East Coast native can’t resist a cute baby wearing a pink onesie with ears.

Adorbs.

Might I suggest…

By now you all know that His Royal Highness has been born to William and Kate. His name, though, they say “may take some time.” Don’t worry –

I’m all over it.

Sebastian

call me whatIt’s a worthy name; the Greek translation is “venerable.” It began to be widely used in the third century after it was the name of  a Christian martyr…so it’s certainly manly enough.

Sebastian also has British ties. It’s in the Top 100 list of boy’s names. Sebastian Cabot is a British actor; Sebastian Faulks, a British writer. And there are characters named Sebastian in popular British fiction, including Sherlock Holmes and Brideshead Revisited.

Most importantly, I like it.

Look, I’m only trying to expedite the process.  Princess Diana and Prince Charles took seven days to name William; William and Kate took three weeks to name their dog, Lupo; and Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip took a month to name Charles.

Let’s not give the child an identity crisis!

Prince(ss)

I’m pretty excited about the Royal Baby.

kate and williamI like Kate. I like William, too. And I just know that baby is gonna be a charmer.

Even if he/she is giving his/her mom a serious case of morning sickness right now — bad enough to send her to the hospital, no less.

But what fun it will be once that baby makes an appearance!  I can already imagine the photos of him/her, rolling around on the lawn with their cocker spaniel Lupo.

The only possible negative?

Any celebrities birthing babies around the same time.  Sorry, folks — the Royal Baby is gonna steal the spotlight on both sides of the drink.

Nine months

Women, can you hear your clock ticking?

Don’t worry. There’s an app for that.

The Wonder Clock app allows you to countdown your days of fertility on your iPhone or iPad. So if having a baby is a goal, you can literally watch time tick away in your ability to give birth.

What sick bastard came up with this one?

I don’t know how it works. I don’t really care. It is a sadistic exercise for anyone who is trying to have a baby, especially if it is not going well. Talk about pressure. That can’t be good for anyone involved.

And who has time for that?

Toys gone wild

I’ve heard of baby dolls that go potty…

…but dolls with potty mouths?

Some customers are demanding Toys R Us pull the “You & Me Interactive Play & Giggle Triplet Dolls” from their shelves because one of the dolls says “you crazy bitch.”

Triplet’s got ‘tude.

The dolls are sold exclusively at Toys R Us and are intended for children 2 years and up.  The store says the complaints have been scattered and they will stand behind the product.

Listen for yourself.

Personally?  I think the doll did it.  And I think parents are crazy not to want to keep it around.

Your kids start cursing?  You would never talk that way in front of them.  Must be that darn baby doll the children wanted so badly.

Not your fault.  Nope, you’re good parents.

Softer side

During a marathon errand-running session on Saturday, I stopped at my new favorite gift shop, Stoopher and Boots, located at 79th and Amsterdam on New York’s Upper West Side.

My friend Stephanie has an amazing array of eclectic gifts for kids, dogs, adults too. While I was checking out the latest finds — because there is always something new and fun every time I go in — she handed me one of the new baby bibs she has in stock.

Now, I wasn’t really looking for one at the current moment. But one touch and, man, I almost bought one just to put on my pillow. It was the softest thing I have ever felt in my life.

Which begs the question: why are all the softest things reserved for babies?

I agree that newborns deserve the best of the best after their shock of a delivery into this world.  Babies are cute as a bug, so why would you not give them cushy comfort?

But, be honest:  do you have any memories of those early days?  Wouldn’t some softness now have a tremendous impact on your quality of life?  We’ve been through hell to get to our current age — don’t we deserve that same softness, if not more?

But no…we drape ourselves in rough, ‘natural’ fibers and exfoliate our bodies down to the bone with sand, pumice and stone.

Why can’t we just give ourselves a break once in a while…and strap on a super-soft bib?

Junior who?

I’ve heard of people naming their kids after their parents, their grandparents or good friends…maybe even a celebrity or two.

But a dog?

Yep.  4BoyMom is pregnant with her fourth child and wants to name him Jasper, which was the name of their dog and “first child,” who passed away some five years ago.  One of the main reasons she is considering the name is that they have moved away from the town where they had the dog, so no one in their current city will make the connection.

Wow.

Granted, dogs are some of the best people I know.  And I am the first to blur the lines between the two.  But even I have to admit…this is one family story that would be a little difficult to tell around the Thanksgiving table.  And how exactly do you document that on the family tree?

Personally, I’ve questioned friends who’ve reused the same dog name in their family.  (For example, they’ve had Oscar I, II and III.)  To have both a dog and a human named the same thing in the same family?

Creepy.  Weird.  Crosses a line, even for me.

(Rory agrees with me, by the way.)

The Myth of Selflessness

Doctors are now able to help woman at the age of 50 and beyond conceive and bear children.

But should they? No. A resounding no.

There’s a reason a woman can’t naturally have a baby after a certain age. It’s the body’s way of protecting her and the child. Having that baby could kill her. And if she is lucky enough to carry that baby full term, the child probably won’t be lucky enough to have parents past junior high.

All these overly zealous ‘I-have-to-have-a baby’ people need to actually put the baby’s needs first. Show the selfless intentions that are always automatically associated with parenthood…and don’t have a baby when you are well past the age when you can somewhat guarantee that you will be around to usher them through their developmental years.

I lost both my parents at a young age due to sudden death and disease. You never get over that loss. It colors your entire life, your every choice.

We shouldn’t set up future generations to be practically assured of losing their parents when they are still babies.