Tag Archives: Bella Swan

Say it isn’t so

This is my final Twilight saga movie review.  No doubt my friend Tina is already poised to type the words “Barf.”

I wonder if she is feeling sentimental, too.

I saw Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 last night at a special early screening.  I was curious if director Bill Condon could pull together a fitting end to the series, since he  had already used in my estimation all the ‘good stuff’ from the final book in Part 1.

The audience at the early show was pumped, but there was none of the mania of years past.  I’d like to think we’ve all matured a little.

The film has, too.

The screenplay has a sense of humor.  It was funny…on purpose.  And at times also sweet and sad.

Part 2 also features vampire Bella.  For all the critics who have slammed her character for being weak and codependent, come see her being seriously bad-ass. To everyone.  All she needs is a bow-and-arrow and ‘luck forever in her favor.’

Most importantly, Part 2 is action-packed and full of surprises.  I haven’t made this much noise watching a movie in ages — the vampire battle is shocking and strewn with death.

Even if you’re not a big Twilight fan, I strongly recommend you come see how it all ends.

Epic?  Indeed.

Royal flush

There’s Team Edward and Team Jacob. But in the doll making game…

It’s Team William all the way.

Mattel has released a Barbie and Ken version of William and Kate to commemorate their upcoming one-year wedding anniversary.

As you can see, they have given William a full head of hair — something he doesn’t possess in real life — and strengthened his jawline. And although Kate looks a bit like every Barbie I’ve seen, she’s pretty and her gown is spot-on.

No doll marker would risk offending the royal family.

That clearly wasn’t a concern for the Mattel designer selected to create the dolls that recreate the wedding of Bella and Edward in Twilight Breaking Dawn.

I’m guessing he isn’t a fan of the saga.  And Edward in particular.

His doll’s face is flat and fat, and his hair looks like an old lady’s wig.  I know the white makeup isn’t flatteringly on anyone in the movies, but it eliminates all detail here.

In the words of my friend Tina…

Barf.

Spray say

With all the talk of late about pepper spray — meme, ecards, Bella toting it in Twilight (yes, I watched it again on FX) — I found myself wondering:

Is there a difference between pepper spray and mace?

Yes. Yes, there is.

Turns out they are two very different self defense products.

Mace is the brand name for an irritant similar to tear gas and usually has no effect on criminals under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

Pepper spray is an inflammatory agent that will immediately take down and cause temporary pain to an assailant. It inflames the capillaries of the eyes and skin causing temporary blindness, nausea, breathing difficulties and an intense burning sensation.

Wow.

Makes you wonder why pepper spray was the self defense product ‘of choice’ at places like Walmart and Occupy Wall Street.  Wouldn’t a simple irritant have been good enough?

(And wouldn’t nothing have been the best choice?)

Plus, this seems less funny now.  And way more painful.

That’s rich

You learn something new every day.  I know I do.

Take Forbes.com.

When I think of Forbes, I think of lists — lots of ‘em, all about money and investing.  The best colleges to attend to get a job.  The best companies to work for.  The best investments that money can buy.

Basically, they know a lot more about money than I ever will…and probably take it more seriously.  That’s it — I think of them as being serious.

Well, when I’m wrong, I’m wrong.

Turns out Forbes.com has a sense of humor.  In fact, they have an entire “Fictional” section of their website.  Fictional lists.  Fictional interviews.  Still in their wheelhouse of jobs and money, but purely imaginary.

Their latest is “The Forbes Fictional 15” — a list of the wealthiest fictional characters, based on info gleaned from the source material and valued against real-world commodity and share price movements.

They update the list every year — how have I missed this — and the 2011 collection includes characters old and new.  For example, Russell Brand’s new version of Arthur Bach came in at #10, but Beverly Hillbilly Jed Clampett is still holding strong at #5.

And who’s Number #1, you ask?

Well, last year’s t0p dog, Dr. Carlisle Cullen, the patriarch of the Twilight film saga, slipped to #2.  (Bella’s getting married; no doubt vampire weddings cost a pretty penny.)  Which means our new number one is an oldie-but-goodie…

Scrooge McDuck, estimated by Forbes.com to have a net worth of $44.1 Billion.

This fictional character biz appears to pay pretty well.  Wonder what ya gotta do to get that gig?

Triple threat

I hesitate to talk “Twilight” in this space…and never two days in a row.

But the premiere of “Eclipse” early this morning — which I attended with 7 million of my closest friends — seems like a worthy exception.

The large number of Twihards at the midnight screening isn’t that surprising.  The reviews are.

Even major papers — like The New York Times and Washington Post — had good things to say about the third installment of the “Twilight” saga.

“A more robustly entertaining film than either of its predecessors…”

“Darker, grittier, and a tad more thought-provoking…”

“If the movies keep improving like this, the people who automatically hate them just because they’re popular with teenage girls will be forced to reconsider.”

Wow.  I don’t think I could have found one sincere compliment about the other films…and these are a just a handful for “Eclipse.”

As for myself, I found the film very different as well.  I’ve always called the “Twilight” movies romances, but “Eclipse” is definitely an action/romance.  The fight sequences are incredible, yet the more emotional moments are handled with just as much care.  Jacob seems more animalistic, Edward more human, Bella more frustrating.

Pretty much by the book.