Tag Archives: commentary

Most Annoying Celebrity Rag

You know how some TV show plot lines are ‘ripped from the headlines?’ I’ve decided People magazine rips theirs from any handy movie premiere calendar.

Easier than workin.’

people gwynethTake their latest World’s Most Beautiful Woman issue featuring Gwyneth Paltrow.

Gwyneth is lovely — I’ll give you that.  But the most beautiful woman in the world?  Of all the choices in Hollywood and around the globe?

In the words of Jerry Seinfeld — speaking to his young son outside my brownstone one Saturday afternoon –

“Probably not.”

But it is far simpler — isn’t it People editorial staff — to crown Ms. Paltrow?   She has Iron Man 3 coming out in a theatre near you…plus, your rival Star magazine just named her Most Hated Celebrity (which is probably more accurate).

Your advertisers are happy!  Moms her age are happy!  And Star has been put in its place.

Who cares if it isn’t true?

Backyard brew

A cold beer after you’ve cut the lawn sounds good to most people.

But a beer with that ‘real lawn mower experience?’

lawn mower ad

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I think something got lost in translation back in Sweden…

Taking to the skies

I stole this image from my cousin’s Facebook page.

crows

She was encouraging her children not to feel the need to follow what everyone else is doing — to strike out on their own.

I couldn’t agree more.

But here’s another thing to keep in mind — not only do we see the lone bird first, it’s far easier to take a shot at him.  So if you take a different route, be prepared to defend your choice.

(Don’t worry — it’s totally worth it.)

Sheep schtick

It has been 22 years since The Silence of the Lambs won the Oscar for Best Picture.

Feeling old?

silenceThen come to New York City and see Silence: The Musical, the way funny parody of that award-winning horror story now playing on Broadway.

Clarisse is there…Dr. Lector, too.  And the wannabe transgender, his little dog and the senator’s daughter, ‘putting the lotion in the basket.’

But the lambs?

Well, they aren’t so silent in this version. They sing.  They dance.  They move set pieces.

Cast-of-Silence-The-Musical-650x433They even ‘clomp’ out a musical number using their little lamb hooves.  I had a major flashback to doing something similar during  a show at Martin City Melodrama & Vaudeville Company in Kansas City…

Just off-Broadway.

Starving, party of three

How do you spell BLT?

BLTSeamless.com, my favorite delivery folks, are discussing all the ways to make the tasty sammie with the three-letter name in their blog, The Delivery Bag.

Now, maybe I’m just starving because I’m on day three of a three-day cleanse — yes, I am starving but the idea of bacon, lettuce and tomato in any configuration is a fun way to pass the time.

When I make a BLT at home, I transform it into a BTCC — bacon, tomato, and cream cheese on whole wheat toast.  I’m not a big fan of lettuce, and the cream cheese just makes the sandwich that much more decadent.

Plus ‘CC’ are my initials — how cool is that?

So, how do you BLT?

Tight spaces

I am claustrophobic.

ClaustrophobiaAnd the condition rears its ugly head at the most inopportune times.

Riding the elevator to the top of the St. Louis Arch.  Getting an MRI for a shoulder injury.  Or simply being crowded into the corner of the elevator by one too many people.

But I never thought a facial would freak me out.

I was at a salon today over lunch — indulging in said facial, thanks to a birthday gift card from a generous friend — and the technician completely covered my face with a solid wrap, leaving only a small slit for my mouth.

Needless to say, I panicked.

Once I explained my phobia, she offered to leave a slit for my nose as well.  I still couldn’t see, but I did deep breathing and mind games to remain calm. Not exactly the soothing experience I had in mind…but hey –

My skin looks fabulous!

The noise, noise, noise

They began in movie theatres months ago, and now they’ve hit TV  –

Trailers for Baz Luhrmann’s The Great Gatsby.

robert redford gatsbyI’ll admit — I didn’t think this movie needed to be remade.  It’s a classic in my mind, as is the book.

And Leonardo DiCaprio playing Gatsby in place of Robert Redford?

Uh, no.

gatsby newBut now that I’ve seen the trailers — many, many times — the casting isn’t even the issue. 

This Gatsby is unrecognizable.  Luhrmann has — well — Luhrmann-ized it; the glitz and glitter is a visual assault.  The soundtrack, too, is so brash and overwhelming, I have actually checked for blood in my ears in the theatre.   Imagine the damage after two hours.

I’m sure Luhrmann has included that, too — in gold…with a dance number.

Safety is fun!

Move over, Southwest Airlines.  There’s a new contender for ‘funniest in the air.’

Delta Airlines

Their new safety video is filled with sight gags large and small.  I’ve seen it on two flights, and am still discovering all the little surprises they have left for the attentive viewer.

juggling chainsawscartwheelsMy favorites?  Bogus safety stickers featured on distant cabin walls.  Sure, we are used to observing “No smoking” and “No electronics”…but “No juggling chainsaws” and “No cartwheels”?

(The video version on my flight also featured “No comb overs”, which I sadly could not find online.)

A robot turns himself off when the cabin door shuts.  The main spokesperson changes clothing and accessories for no apparent reason. And remember the “cat lady” who did the previous safety video for Delta? She makes a cameo, too.

It’s worth a watch or two or seven.  I’ve never enjoyed a safety video more. Or, in fact…

Watched one.

But, seriously…

I spent my Friday afternoon at the movies. Today’s feature:

The Place Beyond the Pines

The-place-beyond-the-pinesHere’s a still from the movie.

Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes look kinda depressed, don’t they?

I was pretty low after the film was over, and I only had to watch it — I can only imagine how they must have felt living that story.

It’s a downer, no lie.  And it’s violent.  Plus, Ryan Gosling is only in the first third of the movie — I cry foul!  Thank goodness Bradley Cooper was there to pick up the slack.

That’s the positive hing tabout the movie.  Wonderful actors, moving performances.  But grim.  The previews were dark and violent, too.

If you go, be sure to get candy for moral support.

There’s a cold front a’comin’

What’s up with Dairy Queen?

They seem as fascinated with natural disasters as Quentin Tarentino is with blood and gore.

mudslideI’ve never really thought about it until today, when a friend posted a picture of a DQ Mudslide (left) on Facebook.

Looks tasty.

But then I realized DQ has Mudslides.  And Blizzards.  And Earthquakes.

And it makes you wonder what naming guru at DQ — or their agency of record — associates really bad weather with ice cream treats?

You gotta admit, it’s weird.

And probably weirder still that we don’t spare the names a second thought as we cram all that gooey chocolate sauce into our pie holes.