Dear Celebrity Reader (and I hope I have at least one):
If you ever find your name under ‘trending topics’ on Twitter, one of three things has occurred:
- You are the victim of a death hoax.
- You are dead.
- You were arrested for DUI.
If you are trending due to reason #1, congratulations! You are popular enough to be hated by a significant portion of the population. The rest of the Twitterverse will jump to your defense…or at the very least be reminded of your presence on this earth.
Either way, you’ll score a ratings bump.
If you are trending due to reason #2, you will also get a ratings bump. “RIP” will start trending, too. Sadly, you won’t be around to enjoy the good will…but your ancestors will enjoy the associated bump in sales.
If you are trending due to reason #3…
YOU ARE AN IDIOT.
Nope. They drive drunk and wasted and get DUI after DUI after DUI.
You know who you are. And if you don’t…