Tag Archives: DUI

Trending topics

Dear Celebrity Reader (and I hope I have at least one):

If you ever find your name under ‘trending topics’ on Twitter, one of three things has occurred:

  1. You are the victim of a death hoax.
  2. You are dead.
  3. You were arrested for DUI.

If you are trending due to reason #1, congratulations!  You are popular enough to be hated by a significant portion of the population.  The rest of the Twitterverse will jump to your defense…or at the very least be reminded of your presence on this earth.

Either way, you’ll score a ratings bump.

If you are trending due to reason #2, you will also get a ratings bump.  “RIP” will start trending, too.  Sadly, you won’t be around to enjoy the good will…but your ancestors will enjoy the associated bump in sales.

If you are trending due to reason #3…

YOU ARE AN IDIOT.

This is one instance where celebrities are NOT ‘just like us.’ Regular people would hire a car if they could afford one, day in and day out.  But celebrities with their ginormous salaries and homes?

Nope.  They drive drunk and wasted and get DUI after DUI after DUI.
You know who you are.  And if you don’t…

Check Twitter.

Take the heat

Sometimes, you just need someone to blame.

And this week…that someone is LeBron James.

A guy in Michigan told the policeman who pulled him over for DUI that LeBron’s decision to go to the Miami Heat was the reason he was drunk.  No lie.

Of course, since he was drunk, he kinda got the facts wrong.  He thought LeBron was with the Boston Celtics — instead of the Cleveland Cavaliers — but it was still upsetting, so that was why he drank too much.

It was clearly LeBron’s fault.

Which got me to thinking — we can all milk this situation for a couple of more weeks.

I mean, LeBron milked his announcement — which should have taken all of 30 seconds — into an hour television special.  And the ESPY Awards were able to milk it yet again into a hilarious sketch on Wednesday night’s show.

Why shouldn’t we all blame LeBron for something this week?

Can’t pay your rent?  It’s LeBron’s fault.  Miss a work deadline?  LeBron made me do it.  Cheat on your wife?  Did you see what LeBron did?  I had to, man.

Use your brain.  Throw the blame.

It’s LeBron’s fault.