What the flarp?
No, seriously — do you know what ‘flarp’ is?
I encountered this word yesterday for the very first time in an article online. Thanks to the all-knowing, all-seeing Google, I soon learned that flarp is a liquid-like goo that makes a fart noise when you stick your hand in it.
Brilliant.
Flarp no doubt has a lot of admirers amongst the pre-teen set. But what makes flarp rise above the farts it attempts to mimic is it smells good. In fact, it comes in no less than six fruity aromas — orange, lemon, banana, strawberry, pineapple and grape.
You can see how that would beat the real thing every time.
Obviously, flarp entered the scene long after my childhood had passed. When I was a kid, we were all about Silly Putty. Silly Putty didn’t make any noise to speak of, and it came in only one color/smell combo — putty grey.
You could copy newspaper print and comics with Silly Putty. Remember newspapers? That stuff we used to read before the Internet?
You’re using your flarp right now to make fun of me…aren’t you?
Pfffttt!
Smelly cab
Remember the Seinfeld episode where Elaine gets in the cab that reeks of killer B.O.?
I can do her one better.
After being out of town all week — four cities in four days, two missed flights, and more airplane boxed meals than I care to remember — I excitedly jumped in the cab to get home to my dog. And what was there to greet me?
KILLER FARTS
I say farts (plural) because it wasn’t just one that faded away as I sat there. No, the odor was constant and cloying and seemed to invade every pore of my skin.
Elaine, if you’re out there in your imaginary world, I’m pretty sure farts trump B.O. — I win!
Which means I lose. Oh yes, I lose BIG TIME.
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Posted in Automobiles, Cars, Commentary, Entertainment, Friends, Humor, Life, Television, TV
Tagged airplane food, B.O., body odor, cab, commentary, Elaine from Seinfeld, entertainment, farts, flight, friends, Humor, life, New York City, odors, Seinfeld tv show, smelly, taxi, Television, TV, TV shows