Tag Archives: flight attendant

Bribes accepted here

I flew home from Frankfurt today, and the fine folks at Delta upgraded me to Business Class — a first for me on an international flight.

I hope it’s not the last.

Sure, the attendants are friendlier, and the food is fresher and more readily available.  But the real selling point?

business classSPACE

When you have a nine hour flight, being able to stretch out your legs — and even lie down if you want — is the greatest luxury of all.

Thanks again, Delta, for showing me some love.

How ’bout we keep our relationship at this level…hmmmm?

Dead heading

We’ve all sat next to a ‘live one’ on an airplane.

You know, that passenger who just won’t stop talking — who’s super psyched about life. Perhaps it’s their first time flying…or they’re on vacation (instead of business like you). And they simply won’t be quiet.

At that very moment — wouldn’t you trade them for a corpse?

A Swedish woman didn’t have a choice.  She sat next to an honest-to-goodness dead body during her entire 10-hour flight to Tanzania.

He was alive when he boarded, but began to have convulsions and passed away soon after take-off.  There were no other seats available, so the poor woman was stuck with her now silent seat partner until the plane landed.

I know it sounds creepy.  And all my sympathies go out to the deceased man’s family and friends.  But ya gotta admit — there are advantages to sitting next to a dead man.

  1. No talking.  If there is, he ain’t dead.
  2. No sharing the arm rest.  The flight attendant can position him to give you maximum room in the row.
  3. No getting up to let him go to the bathroom. (This assumes the corpse is seated next to the window.  That’s where I’d put him.)
  4. All magazines are fair game. Is your crossword puzzle filled in?  Use the corpse’s!  I don’t think he’ll mind.
  5. More drinks and snacks for you. Take an extra Diet Coke and warmed nuts when the flight attendant passes by.  Just be sure to raise your glass in memory of the corpse.

He’s made your flight extra special.

Boys will be…

I love this story.

Justin Bieber, international recording artist, 2010 AMA Artist of the Year, 2011 Grammy-nominated New Pop Artist of the Year, leader of the Bieber nation, reason for the Bieber fever…

…wouldn’t give his cellphone to his mom, so she canceled his service.

Hey, he may bring home the bacon, but he’s still not old enough to fry it up in the pan unsupervised.

Go Mom.

Perhaps Fergie should try a similar punishment on hubby Josh Duhamel.  He recently got pulled off a flight from New York to Kentucky because he wouldn’t turn off his Blackberry.

He reportedly taunted the flight attendant, who asked him to turn off his phone three separate times with no success.  They finally had to turn the plane around and return to the gate.

So, everyone was delayed because Josh was acting like a brat.

And what was so important that he couldn’t turn off his phone?  He was texting about the plane being delayed.

Josh later said he was sorry.  (Wonder if Justin ever did?)

Air space

So, I’m standing in Hudson News at DFW this afternoon, pretending to select a magazine (but really in a bit of a post-meeting fog), when the lights in the airport newsstand suddenly appeared to dim.

It wasn’t an emergency situation, or even a passing storm.  No, the tallest airline pilot I have ever seen in my life stood next to me and temporarily blotted out the light!

I kid you not — this guy must have been seven feet tall!  I spent the rest of my time at the racks watching him stare at magazines and wondered…

How the heck does he fit in that teeny tiny cockpit??

Granted, in the post-9/11 era, none of us are doing cockpit tours a la “Airplane!”  But from the quickest of peeks that I’ve taken when boarding, their ride looks even more cramped than mine back in coach.

So, I did what I always do when I have a question — I turn to Google.  According to airlinepilotforums.com, all jets have adjustable rudder pedals and seats.  So, presumably, even the Goliath pilot that was purchasing woodworking mags earlier today has legroom during his flight.

So, now I know.  And now you know.

And when I get on my flight today, I’m going to ask the flight attendant where my adjustable rudder pedals are!