Tag Archives: iPad

Nine months

Women, can you hear your clock ticking?

Don’t worry. There’s an app for that.

The Wonder Clock app allows you to countdown your days of fertility on your iPhone or iPad. So if having a baby is a goal, you can literally watch time tick away in your ability to give birth.

What sick bastard came up with this one?

I don’t know how it works. I don’t really care. It is a sadistic exercise for anyone who is trying to have a baby, especially if it is not going well. Talk about pressure. That can’t be good for anyone involved.

And who has time for that?

Limitless

Dear Time Warner Cable:  Two is not enough.

(As in the number of HD shows I can record concurrently per DVR.)

I have always been aware of this restriction.  But there will come a night — like tonight, Sunday night — when I have three shows in one given time slot that I want to watch and/or record.

And I’m forced to make Sophie’s Choice.

Yes, I know some or all of these programs may be available online. But call me old-fashioned — I like watching my favorite shows on my big ol’ LCD TV.

Not on my laptop or iPad.  Unless forced.

And this ‘two program limit per DVR’ is forcing me to not watch television in the comfort of my own living room.

Harumph.

Juiced

As someone who doesn’t own any Apple products — that’s right, people, nary a one — I am often fascinated by the passion that iPod, iPad and iPhone owners exhibit when speaking about their toys.

To an outsider, they look and sound like members of a bizarre religious cult.  The zeal in their eyes is unnerving and feverishly bright.  Their quick defense against any perceived insult towards the brand seems almost a rote recitation of hallowed Apple lore.

That must be some tasty Kool-Aid they’re servin’.

I was reminded of this phenomenon Wednesday during my flight to New Orleans.  A true Apple-tonian (Apple-ite?  Appler?) was seated behind me.  As he was putting away his phone for takeoff, the gentleman seated next to him asked if it was the new iPhone4.

Two and a half hours later — when the plane was landing — that apostle of all things Apple emerged from the zone and took a breath.

During that time, he had lovingly detailed every feature, every app, every dimple and dent of his beloved iPhone, the number of “likes” littering his speech increasing exponentially with his level of excitement.

I’ll admit, Apple makes amazing products and has even more effective marketing.  But even their biggest fan on the plane conceded that his iPhone was shit at making phone calls.  Didn’t work well at all.   But this too he turned into an iPositive.

“It’s the only way I can truly escape,” he said with a contented sigh.  “Having ‘no service’ is the perfect excuse.”

Somewhere, an Apple genius has a tear in his eye.

iPad i do

I’m all for creative proposals, but this one?

A guy used an iPad to ask his girlfriend to marry him.

What the wha??

He started off strong enough.  He took his girlfriend to the bench where he first asked her out.  He sat down next to her.   He took her hand….and gave her his iPad and ear buds, telling her to watch a slide show of photos from their time together.  The final slide popped the question.

What happened to going down on one knee?  To speaking words from the heart that tell her how you feel?  To asking her that all important question yourself?

You were sitting right there, stupid!  Did you really need an overgrown iPhone to do the heavy lifting for you???

Use your iPad to create the slideshow for your rehearsal dinner or wedding reception.  Don’t use a slideshow to pop the question.

How about some one-on-one communication for a change?

Believe me — once you are married, you can’t text your wife all the time.  She is going to expect you to talk to her every once in awhile.

Geeez.

iPademonium

I am entertained by the online indignation surrounding the iPad storyline in last Wednesday’s episode of “Modern Family.”

Maybe I have become immune to product placement in movies and TV shows, but I thought Phil’s obsession with getting Apple’s new gadget on the release date — and his hilarious steps toward acceptance when he thought he would have to wait a week instead — were perfectly in keeping with his character.

Using an actual product like the iPad as subject matter is one of the things that keeps “Modern Family” topical.  So, I think we should all just relax a bit.

I actually think “Modern Family” missed an opportunity at taking a swing at the product’s truly awful name.  Whether the show renamed it for the episode or simply referenced the disturbing images the real name brings to mind, I would have appreciated their point of view.

Apple, more so than ABC or “Modern Family,” deserves a slap for that one.