Women, can you hear your clock ticking?
Don’t worry. There’s an app for that.
The Wonder Clock app allows you to countdown your days of fertility on your iPhone or iPad. So if having a baby is a goal, you can literally watch time tick away in your ability to give birth.
What sick bastard came up with this one?
I don’t know how it works. I don’t really care. It is a sadistic exercise for anyone who is trying to have a baby, especially if it is not going well. Talk about pressure. That can’t be good for anyone involved.
And who has time for that?
Posted in Commentary, Humor, Life
Tagged app, babies, birth, clock ticking, commentary, having a baby, Humor, iPad, iPhone, life, pregnancy, Relationships, there's an app for that, wonder clock app
Do you care about your children’s future? Then wrap your mind around this one:
The toilet paper tube is becoming extinct.
It’s true. The toilet paper roll in your bathroom is probably intact…but it’s only a matter of time.
Kimberly-Clark launched the first tube-free toilet paper rolls in their Scott Naturals brand at Walmart and Sam’s Club stores throughout the Northeast in the fourth quarter of 2010. They’re planning tube-free paper towels, too. And SCA, Georgia Pacific, and Procter & Gamble — which manufactures top-selling Charmin toilet paper — are expected to jump on board the tube-free train very soon.
Let’s face it — eliminating that little brown tube is way better for the environment. Can you believe it accounts for over 160 million pounds of waste in the U.S. alone?
But I can’t help but be nostalgic — in advance — for all the silly little toilet paper tube craft projects that kids won’t be able to attempt once that cardboard cylinder is no more.
No more critters with that distinctive shape. No more Christmas candles, wreaths or candy canes. No more log cabins, binoculars, firecrackers, spaceships, or yarn jars. (Yarn jars?) No more handcrafted masterpieces inspired by that simple circle of cardboard that currently comes free with every toilet paper roll.
Going green certainly has its price. Oh well, maybe the iPhone will come up with an app to replace it.
Posted in Art, Business, Children, Commentary, Crafts, Design, Environment, Family, Games, Green, Home, Humor, Life, Shopping, Technology
Tagged advertising, bathroom, Business, cardboard, Charmin, Christmas candles, Christmas wreaths, commentary, craft projects, critters, environment, family, green, home, Humor, iPhone, iPhone app, kids craft projects, Kimberly-Clark, life, Procter & Gamble, Sam's Club, SCA, Scott Naturals, shopping, toilet paper, toilet paper roll, tube-free toilet paper, Walmart
As someone who doesn’t own any Apple products — that’s right, people, nary a one — I am often fascinated by the passion that iPod, iPad and iPhone owners exhibit when speaking about their toys.
To an outsider, they look and sound like members of a bizarre religious cult. The zeal in their eyes is unnerving and feverishly bright. Their quick defense against any perceived insult towards the brand seems almost a rote recitation of hallowed Apple lore.
That must be some tasty Kool-Aid they’re servin’.
I was reminded of this phenomenon Wednesday during my flight to New Orleans. A true Apple-tonian (Apple-ite? Appler?) was seated behind me. As he was putting away his phone for takeoff, the gentleman seated next to him asked if it was the new iPhone4.
Two and a half hours later — when the plane was landing — that apostle of all things Apple emerged from the zone and took a breath.
During that time, he had lovingly detailed every feature, every app, every dimple and dent of his beloved iPhone, the number of “likes” littering his speech increasing exponentially with his level of excitement.
I’ll admit, Apple makes amazing products and has even more effective marketing. But even their biggest fan on the plane conceded that his iPhone was shit at making phone calls. Didn’t work well at all. But this too he turned into an iPositive.
“It’s the only way I can truly escape,” he said with a contented sigh. “Having ‘no service’ is the perfect excuse.”
Somewhere, an Apple genius has a tear in his eye.
Posted in Advertising, Airplanes, Business, Commentary, Design, Humor, Life, Shopping, Technology, transportation, Travel
Tagged advertising, airplanes, Apple, Apple genius, Business, commentary, cult, design, drink the kool-aid, Humor, iPad, iPhone, iPhone 4, iPhone app, iPod, life, Mac, marketing, no service, shopping, technology, transportation, Travel, zeal
I have my issues with Apple.
They make innovative products — I’ll give them that. Their really cool looking gizmos do most of the stuff they’re supposed to do.
But they repeatedly rush their products to market under a blaze of brilliantly constructed advertising — honestly, no one does marketing better — and when their products fall short of what was promised, they totally suck on the customer service end.
There was the pre-order debacle — as in, people couldn’t get through to place one. Now in-store inventories are low. And lines to get the iPhone 4′s that are available at the stores are ridiculously long.
Apple’s poor follow-through even drove perennial everyman Jason Bateman of “Arrested Development” to pull the celebrity card and cut a 2,000-person long line at a Los Angeles store to get his iPhone.
He got booed when he left.
And what’s this? There’s a yellow tint or line on their much heralded display. More seriously, if you hold the phone wrong, you might not get a signal. Pardon me…I hold my cellphone at the bottom, like a normal person.
I’m not hurling all this bitterness at Apple because I was stuck in a long line waiting for my iPhone. I use a Palm Pre quite happily.
I just want Apple to realize that customer service is the other side of marketing. If your can’t deliver on the BS you’re selling…
Posted in Business, Humor, Internet, Travel
Tagged advertising, Apple, Arrested Development movie, Arrested Development tv show, Business, celebrity, cellphone antenna, cellphone signal, cellphones, customer service, Humor, in store, Internet, inventory, iPhone, iPhone4, Jason Bateman, Los Angeles, marketing, Palm, Palm Pre, pre-order, Travel
I’m all for creative proposals, but this one?
A guy used an iPad to ask his girlfriend to marry him.
What the wha??
He started off strong enough. He took his girlfriend to the bench where he first asked her out. He sat down next to her. He took her hand….and gave her his iPad and ear buds, telling her to watch a slide show of photos from their time together. The final slide popped the question.
What happened to going down on one knee? To speaking words from the heart that tell her how you feel? To asking her that all important question yourself?
You were sitting right there, stupid! Did you really need an overgrown iPhone to do the heavy lifting for you???
Use your iPad to create the slideshow for your rehearsal dinner or wedding reception. Don’t use a slideshow to pop the question.
How about some one-on-one communication for a change?
Believe me — once you are married, you can’t text your wife all the time. She is going to expect you to talk to her every once in awhile.
Posted in Humor, Internet, Relationships
Tagged Apple, Applek iPhone, creative marriage proposals, engagements, Humor, Internet, iPad, iPhone, marriage proposals, marriages, pop the question, PowerPoint, PowerPoint slide show, Relationships, slide show, technology, weddings
There’s being buried alive…and there’s being buried with a signal.
Funeral directors say more and more people are asking to have their gadgets placed in their caskets when they go on to their reward.
Apparently heaven just isn’t heaven unless you can twitter and update your facebook page.
And since someone is always finding a way to make money off of the latest trends — even in funerals — we won’t be forced to slip our iPhone or Palm Pre under our satin pillow. How gauche!
Already, at a fair in Verona, manufacturers were selling a golden coffin with a cellphone built-in, retailing for a measly $381,000.
I wonder it that includes any minutes….
Posted in Home, Relationships
Tagged afterlife, caskets, cell phones, coffin, death, Facebook, funerals, Humor, Internet, iPhone, life, Palm Pre, Relationships, Twitter
Mark your calendar. Set your iPhone alarm. Grab a beverage and a snack and plop down in front of your laptop’s live stream.
This Friday at 11am ET, Tiger Woods is stepping back into the spotlight to announce his future plans.
Except it’s not so much a spotlight anymore, is it, Tiger? It’s more like the white hot light of a police interrogation room. All the waves of love and support that you have come to expect from the media and your loyal fans has been reduced to a sub-par trickle.
Maybe that’s why the press conference scheduled at PGA Tour headquarters in Ponte Vedra Beach, Florida is simply you reading a statement — no questions allowed.
But how well did controlling the situation with silence serve you in the past, Tiger? Let’s say it together using yet another pun — it didn’t make the cut. Perhaps taking a question or two or seven might be a good thing…and earn you back an ally in the press.
Personally? I don’t really care who you sleep with. I’m sorry for your wife and kids, and for the way your affairs were made public. But I doubt you are the only professional athlete who has abused his position with so many women (and in so many different positions — booyah!). You just got caught…and in such a spectacularly ridiculous fashion.
Get the help you need, Tiger, and then get back out on the golf course. The sport is less without you.
Let’s get your name on the headline of the sports section again.
Whadda ya say?
Posted in Humor, Sports, Television
Tagged golf, Humor, iPhone, news, PGA, PGA Tour, Ponte Vedre Beach Florida, Sports, Television, Tiger Woods