Tag Archives: New York City

Looney tunes

We all know that B-list celebrities do reality shows to boast their sagging careers.  But to reveal their mental instabilities?

That’s just a viewer bonus.

I decided to watch this season of Celebrity Apprentice because Adam Corolla was in the cast.  I had seen him on Dancing with the Stars , and he was one of my favorites — self-effacing, witty, and yet really trying to win.

I like that.

Tragically, Adam was fired quite early on Apprentice. But Lisa Lampanelli, a comedienne I’ve never heard of until now, has provided more than ample entertainment.

It’s not that she’s that funny.  She’s mean.  Really mean.  And she has a tremendous ego.  (She is the smartest and most important person in the room and in every challenge, don’t you know.)

In the boardroom, where Donald Trump fires folks each week, she hurls verbal and mental abuse and F-bombs…and cries as a last resort.

She’s a fricking looney.

I don’t know if Lisa will win Celebrity Apprentice, but I doubt she is winning over any new fans in this endeavor.

Except perhaps a long line of psychiatrists, just chomping at the bit for her business.

6:30am

Where were you at the crack of dawn?

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I was in Times Square, shooting a commercial.  Now I’m in a van headed to our second location.

Did I mention who is directing the spot? The same guy who directed “Thriller” for Michael Jackson.

Whackadoodle doo.

Vote with your stomach

Foodies have the James Beard Awards.  But what’s out there for Cheetos lovers like me?

The Munchies

The self-proclaimed ‘People’s Choice Food Awards,’ The Munchies recognize the “most amazing tastes, faces and places in the food world.”

Thirteen culinary experts have selected 100 nominees in 20 categories.  I mean, when comedian Michael Ian Black , co-host of the “Mike & Tom Eat Snacks” podcast, is on the selection committee —

You know it’s legit.  And fun.

Of course, you would expect New York City to be well-represented in any food competition.  But I was excited to see some local spots in the running, including our neighborhood coffee shop Joe in the “Coolest Coffee Shop” category.

So, cast your vote today!  The contest closes April 30th.  Remember, this one matters most because…

It’s the people’s choice.

Twice

I loved the movie Once. 

So much that I boycotted the musical when it opened off-Broadway .  The original stars weren’t in it — how could the musical compare?

My heart was closed.

Then the show moved to Broadway, and the TV commercials began.  Yes, ‘guy’ and ‘girl’ were different, but their voices, the harmonies were as beautiful as the movie that inspired them.  So I decided to give the show a shot.

Last night I was in the audience for Once on Broadway. I loved the staging, a working Irish bar — they even served drinks during intermission — that was transformed throughout the evening by creative lighting.  Every actor also played an instrument, so there was no orchestra pit.

Most importantly, every voice, every note was perfection.  There were a lot of tears in the audience.  (People were talking about it as they left the theatre, so it wasn’t just me.)

The only thud in the production — which occurred at the start of the play and made me sad — was the playwright’s need to ‘funny up’ the script, making the characters extreme stereotypes of themselves.  This was especially true of ‘girl,’ who was a quirky, jokey one-liner, which was counter to her gentle spirit in the movie.

But once she and ‘guy’ began to sing, she softened and the music drove the show, as it did the movie.

And all was forgiven.

Hot time

So, this happened.

I worked at home yesterday and had just sat down to eat lunch when someone rang my front door. Assuming it was UPS, I buzzed him in and stepped into my coop’s hallway.

My dog Rory ran ahead to greet my visitor and brought back…

HIM

Okay, not this particular fireman.  The firefighter in my building had black hair and was tragically wearing his shirt uniform.  But still –

He was smoking hot!

I said, “Are we on fire?” and he flashed a perfect smile.

Well, I was.

He explained he was conducting the building’s yearly walk-through, and proceeded to ask some questions about the basement and elevator access while he petted my dog Rory.

To soon, he was on his way.  But my heart was happy.  You see, the firehouse is only one block away.

Rory, it’s time to try a different walk route!

Super Sonic

Turns out teeny tiny songstress Kristin Chenoweth and I have something in common.

It’s not our singing ability — which I’m sure was your first thought — and it’s certainly not our size.  (I have shoes bigger than her.)  And while it’s true we both love musical theatre, I’m talking more ‘guilty pleasures’ here.

Kristin and I are both fans of chain restaurants.

She waxed poetic for her love of ‘em on Conan last night — Olive Garden, Outback Steakhouse, Applebees.  He called her a ‘cheap date.’  I call her a comrade in arms.

One of her favorites and mine?

Sonic Drive-In

Grilled cheese on Texas toast, tater tots, and a grape slush is my favorite meal at Sonic.  But we don’t have Sonics in Manhattan.  Apparently LA doesn’t have them, either.  So Kristin and I both suffer their national ads.  And dream.

See?  Celebrities are just like us.

Smelly cab

Remember the Seinfeld episode where Elaine gets in the cab that reeks of killer B.O.?

The smell stuck to her clothes — was even in her mouth — long after she got out of the taxi.

I can do her one better.

After being out of town all week — four cities in four days, two missed flights, and more airplane boxed meals than I care to remember — I excitedly jumped in the cab to get home to my dog.  And what was there to greet me?

KILLER FARTS

I say farts (plural) because it wasn’t just one that faded away as I sat there.  No, the odor was constant and cloying and seemed to invade every pore of my skin.

Elaine, if you’re out there in your imaginary world, I’m pretty sure farts trump B.O. — I win!

Which means I lose.  Oh yes, I lose BIG TIME.

Mr. Imagination

I’m in the cast of a short film being shot today in Jersey.

It’s called ‘Mr. Imagination.’

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Jesse King, a student at the School of Visual Arts in Manhattan, is the director.  We are on location at her parents’ home, who also provided the crafts service.

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It is a very happy set.

Horse sense

Luck’s luck ran out.

So HBO canceled the series.

I applaud the network for halting production and ultimately making the decision to end the series after a fourth horse died on the set.

Some reports say the animal rights issue gave HBO a good excuse to cancel the new drama, which had poor ratings right out of the starting gate.  Whatever the reason, I’m just glad the horses are out of harm’s way.

No TV show is worth the risk.

Now…if we can just convince the City of New York that carriage rides for tourists are no excuse for horses losing their lives.

Alien encounter

A spaceship crashed in Manhattan last night.

You didn’t hear about it?  I did.  I was in the theatre that it hit.

That’s the back story of the off-Broadway musical Voca People playing now at New World Stages.

I hadn’t heard much about the show until Jimmy Fallon gave it a rave review.  Then it seemed like everyone was talking about it.

The eight performers — residents of the planet Voca performing to gain ‘life energy’ for their spaceship so they can return home — act as alien as they appear.  When they first walk on stage, they can’t even speak English; however, linking hands with an audience member quickly engages their ‘universal translator.’

Space age gimmicks aside, the vocals and harmonies of Voca People are — forgive me — out of this world.  The entire act is a capella; they create every note with only their mouths and microphones.  While I could have done without the narrative, the song selection, quality of performance and sheer energy made me an instant fan.

Seriously — they do a rendition of “Bohemian Rhapsody” that is worth the complete price of admission.  And their interaction with audience members is an endearing combination of awkward and awesome.

So, if you’re near the theatre district and see a UFO…

Run towards the light.