Tag Archives: reality tv

Looney tunes

Posted on April 16, 2012 | Leave a comment

We all know that B-list celebrities do reality shows to boast their sagging careers.  But to reveal their mental instabilities?

That’s just a viewer bonus.

I decided to watch this season of Celebrity Apprentice because Adam Corolla was in the cast.  I had seen him on Dancing with the Stars , and he was one of my favorites — self-effacing, witty, and yet really trying to win.

I like that.

Tragically, Adam was fired quite early on Apprentice. But Lisa Lampanelli, a comedienne I’ve never heard of until now, has provided more than ample entertainment.

It’s not that she’s that funny.  She’s mean.  Really mean.  And she has a tremendous ego.  (She is the smartest and most important person in the room and in every challenge, don’t you know.)

In the boardroom, where Donald Trump fires folks each week, she hurls verbal and mental abuse and F-bombs…and cries as a last resort.

She’s a fricking looney.

I don’t know if Lisa will win Celebrity Apprentice, but I doubt she is winning over any new fans in this endeavor.

Except perhaps a long line of psychiatrists, just chomping at the bit for her business.

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Posted in Celebrities, Comedy, Commentary, Entertainment, Humor, Life, Television, TV

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Splitting hairs

Posted on August 18, 2011 | Leave a comment

Bearding is a competitive sport.

I did not know this.

I didn’t even know bearding was a word, let alone a concept — the growing of facial hair by, um, athletes.

You see, I watched a movie on IFC yesterday, and it was inundated with promos for Whisker Wars, a reality show slated for a seven-episode run on IFC in August and September.

Whisker Wars follows Beard Team USA, a ‘devoted group of whisker warriors’ as they compete for top bearding honors at events across the country.  Their journey culminates at the World Championship Competition in Trondhjem, Norway.

Apparently Germany is the longtime favorite in hair growing — I’m so proud of my kin — but this year, Beard Team USA stands a follicle of a chance.

I am obviously entertained by this whole idea.  I mean, there are even beard categories: Moustache, Partial Beard, Full Beard Groomed, Freestyle and what is considered the most prestigious, Full Beard Natural.  Gosh, I’m so excited my hairs are standing on end!

But seriously, guys — I think you have finally come up with the one competition that women will never ask for their own division.

Even the ones who can compete.

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Posted in Beauty, Commentary, Entertainment, Fashion, Humor, Life, Television, TV

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AI vs DWTS

Posted on April 1, 2010 | Leave a comment

I don’t think it was an April Fool’s Day joke.

AOL is asking — and letting people vote, ’cause that’s what we like to do –  what is the best live reality show competition:  “American Idol” or “Dancing with the Stars”?

As of this writing, “Dancing with the Stars” was winning 60/40.

AMEN.

AI may have been first on the scene, but DWTS is doing it better.  Here’s why:

1.  Judges — There are three unique personalities who each know dance, have distinct opinions on dance, and give actionable critiques after each performance about the dance. They are entertaining, yes — and Bruno just might be insane — but the celebrities and their pros know what they are doing right and what needs work.

2. Host — Tom Bergeron is simply the best host working in television today.  He runs the show with perfect pacing and energy, never baubles a scripted intro and — most importantly — can ad lib on the fly no matter what is thrown his way…and this show really throws it.

They have added a new co-host this year, former model and  DWTS champion Brooke Burke — gorgeous, but you could prop up a mannequin and not notice any difference.

3. Casting – This is where “American Idol” has the big disadvantage.  The judges and producers can pre-cast to their hearts content, but they are still dealing with raw, undeveloped talent. And the viewers decide who stays or goes.

“Dancing with the Stars” can choose from actors, singers, athletes and celebrities whose fame (infamy?) is an immediate audience draw.  Add their existing stable of pro dancers and you’ve guaranteed tears, injury, illness, scandal, laughs — oh, and dancing.

How can you not love it?

I’ve told friends to only watch an episode of DWTS if they are committed to following the rest of the season…’cause you can’t watch just one.

No foolin’.

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Posted in Humor, Television

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Pick me

Posted on January 29, 2010 | 2 Comments

Pick me.

Pick me, pick me, pick me.

Have you considered…me?

Pick me!!

I refer to the recent announcement that Samantha Harris is leaving her job as co-host on “Dancing with the Stars.”  After eight years with the show, she plans to focus on her ‘reporting duties’ on The Insider and Entertainment Tonight Weekend.

I imagine her new baby has something to do with her decision.  Or perhaps “Dancing with the Stars” is ready for new blood?

Sure, they could hire a more seasoned personality of the reality show ilk for the job, but let’s face it — the celebrity dancers don’t want to share star power with the person holding the microphone when they already have to contend with a dozen other divas.

I would simply be that nobody that ABC plucked out of nowhere who has average looks and an above average sense of humor.  I would give the job a nice balance between throwing props to the pros and their progeny and finding the funny in the feathers and frills.

Plus, I am a Tom Bergeron fanatic.  If he has grown weary of a co-host like Samantha who spends most of her time sculpting her arms, I would be a breath of fresh air.  I don’t have a sculpted anything — unless Tom wants me to — anything to learn at the right hand of the guru of TV show hosts.

Pick me, Tom.  Pick me.

Did I mention I’m interested in the job?

(Pick me.)

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Posted in Humor, Television

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Unreal money

Posted on October 4, 2009 | 2 Comments

I am a reality TV snob.

Don’t get me wrong.  I watch it.  I have been with ‘American Idol’ since the very beginning, and converted to “Dancing with the Stars” the year that Emmett Smith took home the mirror ball trophy.

But I only watch reality TV shows that are competitions.  And I’m talking talent competitions…not competitions for love like “The Bachelor,” or for basic survival like, well, “Survivor.”  You definitely won’t catch me listening to idiots sitting on the couch talking trash on “Big Brother,” “The Housewives of New York City,” or “The Hills.”

But yesterday I read an article listing the salaries of some of these reality TV stars, and I’m starting to think they are way smarter than they appear.

“The Housewives of New York City” ladies, for example, are reportedly making $30,000 per episode. When Jon and Kate Gosselin were still speaking — and “Jon and Kate + 8″ was on the air — they pulled in $75,000 a show.  Even the girls  on “The Hills” get $90-100,000 per episode.

Heck, even the worst celebrity dancer on “Dancing with the Stars” — the one who gets voted off first, the one we feel bad for — is guaranteed $125,000 for simply showing up.

How many times have I sat on the couch and shook my head at the news of the antics of these reality TV stars?  Turns out, they were just living up to their high price tag.

Remind me again — why do we call it reality TV?

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Posted in Humor, Television

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Ellen Degeneres: keep your day job

Posted on September 10, 2009 | 1 Comment

TheEllenShow Guess what? Go ahead… nope… keep guessing… Okay, I’ll just tell you–I’m gonna be the new judge on American Idol!

When I read this on my Twitter homepage, my jaw literally hit the floor.  I recently dislocated my jaw, so on a physical level, this really hurt.

Ellen Degeneres as a permanent judge on American Idol?

I know American Idol is a television show first, and ratings are king.  Bringing in a judge who already has a huge following on her popular daytime talk show may seem like a ratings bonanza.  But in the words of US Open tennis star Melanie Oudin…

COME ON!

Ellen Degeneres, although probably one of the nicest, funniest, girl-next-door-iest comediennes on the planet, has no credibility to sit on the American Idol judging panel…not even as a guest judge. And I seriously doubt she is ever going to drop her nice gal persona long enough to give anyone any useful vocal criticism.

When people give me crap for watching American Idol or Dancing with the Stars because they are ‘reality TV shows,’ I always stand up for them because they are competitions, not a lot of celebrity seekers sitting in a living room starting fights for the cameras.

But Ellen Degeneres as a judge of singing talent on American Idol smacks of reality show casting in the worst way.

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Posted in Humor, Music, Television

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