Dear Robert Pattinson:
Please hire me as your publicist.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. Being no doubt a faithful reader of The Sticky Egg — and why wouldn’t you? I’ve mentioned you a whopping 12 times during the blog’s two-year existence — you might deem my motives less than honorable.
True, my mind does go a bit blank when I see photos of you. And I will cop to letting a scream or two fly at midnight premieres of the Twilight films.
(All the other kids were doing it.)
No, this plea to join your entourage is motivated by a sincere wish to improve your public speaking skills. It is purely professional. Any personal enjoyment I might glean during the coaching process is simply collateral damage.
Don’t get me wrong — your sense of humor and lack of ‘slickness’ is charming in one-on-one interviews. But in acceptance speeches and during the MTV Movie Awards’ salute to Reece Witherspoon last night, for example, just a bit of preparation and polish would have made a world of difference in that larger venue.
Your ideas are fun; they just need a little more work. Reece showed that when she stepped on stage and made them better.
Let Chelsea Handler’s shocked reaction be your guide…and let me be your coach.
I promise to keep our interaction age appropriate.
For hire
Dear Robert Pattinson:
Please hire me as your publicist.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. Being no doubt a faithful reader of The Sticky Egg — and why wouldn’t you? I’ve mentioned you a whopping 12 times during the blog’s two-year existence — you might deem my motives less than honorable.
True, my mind does go a bit blank when I see photos of you. And I will cop to letting a scream or two fly at midnight premieres of the Twilight films.
(All the other kids were doing it.)
No, this plea to join your entourage is motivated by a sincere wish to improve your public speaking skills. It is purely professional. Any personal enjoyment I might glean during the coaching process is simply collateral damage.
Your ideas are fun; they just need a little more work. Reece showed that when she stepped on stage and made them better.
Let Chelsea Handler’s shocked reaction be your guide…and let me be your coach.
I promise to keep our interaction age appropriate.
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Posted in Celebrities, Comedy, Commentary, Entertainment, Humor, Movies, Television, TV
Tagged blog, Business, celebrities, Chelsea Handler, collateral damage, comedy, commentary, entertainment, Humor, Movies, MTV Movie Awards, polish, presentation skills, public speaking, publicist, Reece Witherspoon, Robert Pattinson, speaker coaching, Television, The Sticky Egg, tribute, TV, Twilight saga