Dear Robert Pattinson:
Please hire me as your publicist.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. Being no doubt a faithful reader of The Sticky Egg — and why wouldn’t you? I’ve mentioned you a whopping 12 times during the blog’s two-year existence — you might deem my motives less than honorable.
True, my mind does go a bit blank when I see photos of you. And I will cop to letting a scream or two fly at midnight premieres of the Twilight films.
(All the other kids were doing it.)
No, this plea to join your entourage is motivated by a sincere wish to improve your public speaking skills. It is purely professional. Any personal enjoyment I might glean during the coaching process is simply collateral damage.
Don’t get me wrong — your sense of humor and lack of ‘slickness’ is charming in one-on-one interviews. But in acceptance speeches and during the MTV Movie Awards’ salute to Reece Witherspoon last night, for example, just a bit of preparation and polish would have made a world of difference in that larger venue.
Your ideas are fun; they just need a little more work. Reece showed that when she stepped on stage and made them better.
Let Chelsea Handler’s shocked reaction be your guide…and let me be your coach.
I promise to keep our interaction age appropriate.
Lessons learned
What a difference a year makes.
Just ask Google.
Father’s Day 2011
Last year I spanked them for the Father’s Day tribute on their homepage. Sure, they remembered Dad, but the gesture was minimal, stereotypical and lacked animation — a sad effort compared to their extravagant nods to Les Paul and PacMan.
Dad deserves better.
Google Fathers Day 2012
And this year, Google delivered. Their team has developed not only an animated tribute, but a charming story with heart and sweetness worthy of the man of the hour.
Nice work, Google. I knew you had it in you. It just took a little tough love to get the job done right.
Rather fitting on Father’s Day, don’t you think?
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Posted in Commentary, Design, Family, Holiday, Humor, Internet, Life, Love
Tagged animation, commentary, family, Father's Day, Google, Holiday, homepage, Humor, Internet, Les Paul, life, Pacman, storytelling, tie, tough love, tribute, what a difference a year makes