Tag Archives: alcohol

Hard to swallow

I loved grape soda as a child, and more than once have lamented the lack of diet options.

How about a liquored up one?

Hard-Grape-6pk_web

Henry’s Hard Grape is all grown up — 4.2 percent alcohol by volume, as you can see — with cool retro branding.

I appreciate both.

I was curious enough to buy a six-pack, and it’s pretty tasty. But my diet soda sensibilities are offended by the cane sugar.  To this day, it’s hard for me to drink anything with calories.

Those six hard sodas are gonna last me a good long time.

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Liquid lunch

People magazine is all about the ‘boozy popsicle‘ today —

watermelon mojito pops‘Boozy’ as in popular popsicle flavors spiked with alcohol — like the watermelon mojito pops garnished with mint pictured at the left.

Looks cool and refreshing, yes…and perhaps a bit lethal for the younger set.

But, I’m sorry.

Every time I hear the phrase ‘boozy popsicle,’ I think —

What a perfect stripper name.

Or maybe even the name of a band (depending on what kind of music they play). Let’s not forget that one, folks.

It’s a keeper.

The other Cup

Okay, patriotic sports fans.

It’s time for you to hurl your alcohol-soaked national pride at one of my favorite sporting events — a sport that dare I say more people watch year-round (instead of once every four years):

RyderCup2014Logo.svgGolf’s Ryder Cup, which pits the United States Team versus The World — that’s the entire world, people — kicks off tomorrow in Scotland.

I’m giving you an entire day to prepare.  Gather your buddies. Pick your bar and drink of choice.  Warm up your vocal chords for the vigorous screaming that will commence.

If you’ve never experienced golf on television before, I invite you to watch these world-class players representing their countries going head-to head.

ryder cup celebrationI think you will be surprised to see how truly exciting it is.

You just might find yourself screaming, beer or not beer.

 

 

Beery, beery creative

I have more than one friend and/or family member who records their beer consumption on Twitter.

Why yes, I am very proud.

beer namesThe app shows the beer name, where they were when they swigged it, and how long they breathed — if indeed they did — between frosty brews.

Now, I’m not much of a beer drinker, but I find myself looking forward to this digital diary…and wanting to participate even though I don’t like it!

Luckily I found the perfect way:

The Random Beer Name Generator.

Just click the button, and it generates a way cool beer name.  For example, it just gave me “Irish Elvis Dubble”…

So let’s pretend that’s what I drank this round.

 

News so big it can’t be measured

Attention lovers of potty humor and word police alike:

BUTT LOAD is an actual unit of measurement.

buttload of whiskeyAll these years — I thought I was being rude when I described something ‘big’ as being a butt load!

How I laughed at this crude turn of phrase —

So evil!  So edgy!

But it still stopped short of being an actual curse word…so don’t try to accuse me of committing any great sin.

It’s just a good ol’ butt load of fun!

Or. So. I. Thought.

Now I discover a butt load is a traditional unit of volume for wine and other alcoholic beverages.  A butt is two hogsheads, which is equivalent to 63 US gallons.

Actually…that sounds way bigger than a butt load to me.

Spray say

With all the talk of late about pepper spray — meme, ecards, Bella toting it in Twilight (yes, I watched it again on FX) — I found myself wondering:

Is there a difference between pepper spray and mace?

Yes. Yes, there is.

Turns out they are two very different self defense products.

Mace is the brand name for an irritant similar to tear gas and usually has no effect on criminals under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

Pepper spray is an inflammatory agent that will immediately take down and cause temporary pain to an assailant. It inflames the capillaries of the eyes and skin causing temporary blindness, nausea, breathing difficulties and an intense burning sensation.

Wow.

Makes you wonder why pepper spray was the self defense product ‘of choice’ at places like Walmart and Occupy Wall Street.  Wouldn’t a simple irritant have been good enough?

(And wouldn’t nothing have been the best choice?)

Plus, this seems less funny now.  And way more painful.