Tag Archives: bruises

Time for a knap

I spent most of last week on ‘planes, trains and automobiles.’ Unlike Steve Martin and John Candy in the iconic film of the same name, I suffered only minor delays in my journeys, but was constantly annoyed by one group of travelers —

Backpackers

backpack in airport

Backpackers clog the aisles of both airplanes and trains and, for reasons unbeknownst to me, appear to have no idea of the additional girth their over-the-shoulder luggage adds to their body. They careen down the center aisle, bumping people on either side (and behind when they need to back up).

Apparently the backpack cushions their body from all collisions too, because they never seem to notice or feel the need to apologize.

So, if any backpackers are reading this, take note the next time you travel. You leave behind a wake of bruised body parts and bad attitudes…

And they all have your name on ’em.

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Giddy off

Many of my childhood beliefs have been shaken, but there’s one that holds firm:

If you suffer a bruise, you show the bruise.

On this Conan and I agree.

O’Brien fell off a water buffalo — of all things — while rehearsing a bit for a visit from animal expert David Mizejewski Tuesday night. Conan hit the stage floor hard…and the bit didn’t make the live show.

But the bruise on his thigh sure did.

Wednesday night Conan dropped trou and displayed the enormous purple souvenir of his not-so-smart ride for all to see. The studio audience. The band. Andy Richter. And oh yeah…

All the folks at home watching on TV.

At first glance you might think, “Geez, Conan — will you stop at nothing to get a laugh?” But I understand that, in this case, it goes beyond comedy —

He suffered the bruise. He shows the bruise.

It’s as simple and as complicated as that.