Tag Archives: doctor

In a pickle

What a difference a joke can make.

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I was at my primary physician’s office early this morning, waiting to take my yearly physical. As I looked at the exam table,  I could hear the words of Jerry Seinfeld bounce around my brain:

“They have that butcher paper pulled out over the table. Sometimes I bring a pickle and put it next to me on the table,  in case the doctor wants to fold the whole thing up for a to-go order.”

Now, that’s a classic story.

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A weighty subject

When you go to the lady doctor for your yearly poke-and-prod, some tests aren’t so yearly anymore.

Depending on your age and family history, your physician may recommend a Pap smear, for example, every two years… or a mammogram only after age 40.

(My family history is so checkered, I get to do these type of tests every year, but I’ve heard rumors.)

The other thing you have to do every time you walk in a doctor’s office is a weight check. This I feel should change.

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The nurse usually takes my weight, after consulting my chart. Unless I appear to have ballooned to an obese level, I don’t feel this is a necessary measure. It’s not the way I want to start the conversation, either…

Unless the nurse takes his/her weight, too. Then we have something to discuss.

Sorry about that

My back hurts.

pain blocksI don’t know why. Or even how.

But for the better part of a week, it has been giving me fits.

I’ve seen one doctor; I have an appointment with another on Tuesday. I wouldn’t be surprised if it takes a few more to figure out what’s going on and how to get me some relief.

This isn’t the first time my back has ‘gone out,’ as they say.  But I had forgotten how much it affects everything else. I mean, when it hurts to sit and lie down and walk and stand…

Well, let’s just say it’s hard to find joy in the simple things. Or anything.  You become a big ol’ grouch.

I’m trying not to be. But it hurts when I do.

Conquering fears (with lots of help)

Today I survived a closed MRI.

For someone who is intensely claustrophobic, this is a red-letter event.

ClaustrophobiaI did my homework on the procedure, so I knew what to expect.  That’s why I opted for an open MRI when I needed imaging on my left shoulder a couple of years ago.

But an closed MRI was the only option today, which meant I had to face my fears.

I began by taking a light sedative, at my doctor’s advice — to take the edge off.  And the technicians were great, walking me through the device and the actual procedure step-by-step.  But the greatest help during what would have been 30 minutes of hell?

A series of mirrors that bounce images in the exam room back to me, so I always felt like I could see the outside world clearly…regardless of my position within the tube.

Hey — mind games are welcome here.

Splash mountain

I’m not a doctor, but I play one in today’s post…

Feeling down?  Lethargic?  Watch this clip:

I watched a rerun of Wipeout during my lunch hour yesterday and laughed myself silly!  It was the perfect pick-me-up.

Try it!  You’ll like it.

The producers

If you’re a fan of Downton Abbey — and really, who isn’t — you’ve no doubt seen this a few times:

“Funding for Masterpiece is provided by the Masterpiece Trust, created to ensure the series future, with support from Donald and Darlene Shiley and the following…”

“The following” change episode to episode, but the Shileys remain at the top of the list.  You’ll even see their names as supporters of Masterpiece Mystery.

Which got me thinking — who are Donald and Darlene Shiley? Should I know their names already?  And can I personally thank them for ‘ensuring the future’ and very existence of Downton Abbey?

Sadly, Donald died in August of last year, but not before he made tremendous contributions as a doctor and philanthropist.  Shiley collaborated with Swedish cardiologist Dr. Viking Bjork to develop the Bjork-Shiley heart valve, which is credited with saving hundreds of thousands of lives.

He also contributed millions to research centers in San Diego which bear his name. The Shiley Eye Center at UC San Diego. The Shiley Center for Science and Technology at the University of San Diego. The Donald P. Shiley Cardiovascular Research Center at San Diego State University.

He and his wife Darlene have given millions to Alzheimers research, the Scripps Clinic, The Old Globe Theater and KPBS.  (She worked as a TV public service director and promotions manager before their marriage.)

So now, each time I sit down to enjoy another addictive episode of Downton Abbey, I’ll smile knowing an even greater love story made the whole darn thing possible.

Military mirth

HAPPY VETERAN’S DAY!

This holiday makes me think of — and be extremely thankful for — all the men and women from every branch of the military, past and present.

I discovered yesterday that a friend of mine in the neighborhood was a former MARINE.  Since my oldest brother is a retired ARMY Lt. Colonel, I’ve heard a few good-natured jokes over the years about MARINES…so I asked my friend if the humor runs both ways.

The man turned into a stand-up comic.

So in honor of the day, I thought I would share a few jokes about all branches of the military.  (I’m sure none of them would want to be left out.)

ARMY
Doesn’t ARMY stand for Ain’t Really Men Yet?

MARINES
An Airman in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, “Wanna hear a MARINE joke?” The guy replies, “I am a MARINE. The huge guy sitting next to me is a MARINE. The big fella next to him is also a MARINE. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?” The Airman says, “Nah. I don’t want to have to explain it three times.”

NAVY
Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, “Why do you want to join the NAVY, son?”
“My father said it’d be a good idea, Sir.”
“Oh? And what does your father do?”
“He’s in the ARMY, Sir.”

AIR FORCE
Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
A: He’ll tell you.

Q: What’s the difference between God and fighter pilots?
A: God doesn’t think he’s a fighter pilot.

Q: What’s the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.

Good stuff.

Have you heard one from your family or friends? Add it in the comments section.