Tag Archives: eyes

I see

I was the ‘blind one’ in my family.

The kid who got glasses in fourth grade. Who probably should have had them years before, but faked her way through school eye exams.

The only one in glasses in my family. The only one in glasses in my class.

Over the years, I’ve gotten used to having bad eyesight.  To doctors saying I can’t buy certain eyeglasses frames because “your lenses are too thick.” It’s all good.

I can wear contacts, too.

But at my annual checkup this week, my ophthalmologist said my retinas were ‘textbook.’

Take a look.


Aren’t they beautiful?

It’s nice to see one part of my eyes living up to their potential.


I can see clearly now

Central Park is green.

No more pastel buds of spring, no more varying shades of color — just a solid canopy of green.


As I was walking Rory Dog this morning — and gazing upward at all those green leaves — I was reminded of the day I got my very first pair of glasses.

I was in the fourth grade.  My teacher Ms. Laws had noticed I was squinting at the chalkboard, and ratted me out to my mom.  When the optometrist did the eye exam, it turned out —

I was pretty blind.  Who knew?

I wasn’t very excited about getting glasses; I was the first in my class and would be teased for months.  But I still remember wearing my new glasses on the ride home from the eye doctor, and staring in wonder up at the trees.

“You can see individual leaves?



Eye full

To make it in Hollywood, a girl used to have to know how to act or know someone.


She needs GINORMOUS eyes, too.

It’s true.  The latest crop of actresses have the largest eyeballs I have ever seen.  We’re talking eyes so huge, they are practically on either side of their head.

Like fish.  Freaky, pretty fish.

Are more girls being born with these bulbous baby blues?  Or are casting directors merely drawn to how actresses with prodigious peepers look on television and film?

Goodness knows Disney is guilty of perpetuating this trend.  Every princess from
“Beauty and the Beast” to “Little Mermaid” has been drawn with impossibly enormous eyes.  In their latest movie “Tangled,” Rapunzel has green eyes so gigantic, the two combined are bigger across than her waist.

(But I really loved that film…so I’m gonna give it a pass.)

So, let’s consider some human examples.  Anne Hathaway in Devil Wears Prada and Love and Other Drugs. Amanda Seyfried in Dear John and Letters to Juliet. All of the actresses on ABC Family’s “Pretty Little Liars.”  Mila Kunis, who goes toe-to-toe with Natalie Portman in the ever-so-creepy — and I mean that as a huge compliment — Black Swan.

All new Hollywood.  All wearing those mega-watt eyes.

In fact, when I tried to think of a successful actress with even slightly squinty eyes, I had to go back a few years to Renee Zellweger, who was so charming with Ewan McGregor in Down with Love and won an Oscar for Cold Mountain. And she’s really just squinty in comparison…not squinty in that Clint Eastwood/Dirty Harry “Make my day” kinda way.

See what I mean?

So, if you have your sights set on the bright lights, make sure your eyes are a sight to behold.

(Meaning they are big…really big.)

Smart foods

Retinal scans.  They’re all the rage in action films.

  • How do you gain access to most high-security labs?  Retinal scan.
  • What unlocks the CONTROL headquarter doors in “Get Smart?”  Retinal scan.
  • Why does Tom Cruise steal eyeballs in “Minority Report?” Retinal scan.


And now retinal scans are coming to a vending machine near you! (Well…if you live outside the United States, that is.)

Massachusetts-based Next Generation Vending and Food Service has begun testing machines that use retinal scans to identify and charge customers for their vending machine purchases.

Kinda creepy, kinda invasive.  Which may be why in the United States, they decided to instead test cash-free machines that link a person’s thumbprint to his or her credit card.

Not sure why that’s less creepy…but it is.  Maybe because we shake hands with people all the time, but it’s rare that we rub eyeballs.  Or let people scan our heads unless it’s medically necessary.

Buying a PayDay doesn’t seem like a medical necessity.  Unless it’s been a really hard day at work.