Tag Archives: funny

Apple of my eye

As Hollywood couples go, Kristen Bell and Dax Shephard are the coolest.

Both are really funny on-screen, and if you follow them on Twitter, you get a feeling they crack each up other at home as well.

‘Cause they don’t take themselves too seriously.  Appear to live fairly simply.  Love their daughter and their dogs.

Then they go and make this commercial —

They’re not in the Apple cult!

I love them so much right now.

That thing you do

Today the very funny folks at College Humor posed the question —

What if things we did religiously had their own religion?

They developed religions for things like…

  • The weekly TV dramas and sitcoms that we can’t miss
  • Our morning Starbucks run
  • The smartphone permanently attached to our hip
  • Workouts
  • Takeout

You get the drift.

I could add even more activities like making my bed (a holdover from my childhood), walking the dog and playing Candy Crush before bed.

And while I am definitely a member of the TV viewership religion, I participate in a more radical faction —

daily tv show fellowship

 

(The DVR made me do it.)

Remembering the funny

robin williams

 

 

 

 

 

 

Comedy is acting out optimism. — Robin Williams

I’m a Veronica

I bought a ticket to see Heathers: The Musical in late March.

I finally got to use it tonight.
heathers the musical

Is it as dark as the movie? Definitely.

Is it funnier than the movie? Definitely.

Does its soundtrack feature some of the wildest lyrics I have heard on a stage to date?

Most definitely.  (We’re talking blue balls, ‘sword fighting’ — yes, you should take that in a dirty way — and a salute to ‘my dead gay son’ that rocks the house.

If you’re a fan of the movie, you will love it.  If you have never seen the movie — like my friend Beth, who joined me tonight — you will love it.  And if you love great parody…

You’ve probably already seen it.  Go again.  You deserve it!

 

 

Safety is fun!

Move over, Southwest Airlines.  There’s a new contender for ‘funniest in the air.’

Delta Airlines

Their new safety video is filled with sight gags large and small.  I’ve seen it on two flights, and am still discovering all the little surprises they have left for the attentive viewer.

juggling chainsawscartwheelsMy favorites?  Bogus safety stickers featured on distant cabin walls.  Sure, we are used to observing “No smoking” and “No electronics”…but “No juggling chainsaws” and “No cartwheels”?

(The video version on my flight also featured “No comb overs”, which I sadly could not find online.)

A robot turns himself off when the cabin door shuts.  The main spokesperson changes clothing and accessories for no apparent reason. And remember the “cat lady” who did the previous safety video for Delta? She makes a cameo, too.

It’s worth a watch or two or seven.  I’ve never enjoyed a safety video more. Or, in fact…

Watched one.

Spelunking

In November of 1995, my friend Dan and I saw a one-man show on Broadway called “Defending the Caveman.”  It had opened earlier that March and eventually went on to set the record as the longest-running solo play in Broadway history.

Rob Becker, the show’s star and creator, explained the differences between men and women in cavemen terms, with only a recliner and a TV set — both honed out of stone — sharing the stage.

It was flipping hilarious.

I remember my stomach muscles being literally sore when we left the Helen Hayes Theater and raced to our next show.  (We didn’t mess around in those days.  It wasn’t like I lived in New York or anything.)

So I had to laugh when I saw an article in Glamour some 15 years later on the cave woman’s guide to — of all things — good health.

My, my…we’ve gotten a tad bit more serious over the years, haven’t we?

The mag does offer some good tips, based on our cave women forebearers’ daily habits, including things like:

  1. Move your body
  2. Get some natural light
  3. Eat real food
  4. Beware of predators (sexual)
  5. Accept some natural moodiness
  6. Connect with others…in person
  7. Get some ZZZZZs
  8. Create some healthy downtime
  9. Party like a cave woman

Not nearly as funny as Rob Becker’s show.  But maybe seeing “Defending the Caveman” — it’s still on tour all over the world — would fall under tip #9.

Laugh thru the pain

I have a really bad headache.

I’m not all that surprised.  I’ve been on the road for the past few days and am sleep deficit, so this migraine is almost expected.  What does surprise me are the jokes I found online about migraine headaches.

I never realized how funny other people would find my pain.

Here are a couple of examples:

A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraines. The doctor discovers that the poor guy has tried practically every therapy known to man and still, no improvement.

“Listen,” says the doc, “When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks.”

Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. “Doc! I took your advice and it really works! I’ve had migraines for 17 years and this is the first time anyone has ever helped me!”

“Well,” says the physician, “I’m glad it worked.”

“By the way, Doc,” the patient adds, “You have a really nice house.”

(Rimshot)  And here’s another one, also a bit blue…

A guy with chronic migraine headaches sees a doctor about his pain. The doctor says, “I can cure your headaches, but I`ll have to cut your balls off to do it.”

The man is horrified at this idea, but he can`t work or sleep, and he`s generally miserable. He says, “I don’t care, cut them off. Just get rid of these damned headaches!”

The doctor performs the operation, and immediately the headaches go away.
The guy is relatively happy, so one day, he decides to get himself a new wardrobe at a new shop downtown.

As soon as he walks in the door, the clerk looks carefully at him and says, “You wear a 44 long jacket, don`t you?” The guy says, “Yeah, how did you know?”
“I have an eye,” says the clerk.

“You also wear a 36 large jockstrap.”  “Ah hah!  You’re wrong,” the guy says gleefully. “I wear a 32 small jockstrap.”  “No, you have to wear a 36 large,” says the clerk.  “Look,  I’m sorry, but you`re wrong. I wear a 32 small.”

That`s impossible,” says the confused clerk. “A 32 small jockstrap would pinch your balls and give you migraines.”

Heck, I didn’t even know jockstraps came in sizes.

Off to take more drugs.  Have a good day.