Tag Archives: Gwyneth Paltrow

Then what

sliding doorsWhen I read the premise of Idina Menzel’s new musical If/Then (currently in previews at the Richard Rodgers Theatre), it sounded exactly like the Gwyneth Paltrow vehicle Sliding Doors (1998).

In Doors, Paltrow loses her job at a swanky London PR firm and rushes to catch the tube back to her apartment. The movie shows — in two parallel realities — how her future love life and career are changed depending on if she does (or doesn’t) catch the subway.

I saw the matinee of If/Then today, and it didn’t change my mind. While the choice that sends Menzel’s character on two potential paths takes place in Central Park, the two stories share more plot similarities than even I expected.

if thenBut I think If/Then could learn a thing or two from its movie doppelganger.

For one, the musical doesn’t focus on one character’s life in two parallel realities. Instead, it attempts to explore how Menzel’s friends, played by LaChaze and Anthony Rapp, also make their own unique choices.  (Now, I did love seeing Rapp back on Broadway, and his character is a bit of a Rent callback in many ways.)

But going back and forth between three story lines in two realities — and giving each character closure in both of those realities — takes time. Too much time.

Doors got ‘er dun in 99 minutes.  If/Then took over an hour more.

Today’s Playbill didn’t list the musical numbers; I’m sure that’s because the show is in previews, and some cuts may be made before the March 30th opening.  I highly recommend it.  While many numbers were amazingly heartfelt — a couple with language blissfully blue — others felt simplistic, like a rhyming dictionary set to a bouncy beat with awkward American Idiot-like choreography.

All that being said, the cast is wonderful, their voices worthy of Menzel. By opening night, I hope the show is worthy of her.

Most Annoying Celebrity Rag

You know how some TV show plot lines are ‘ripped from the headlines?’ I’ve decided People magazine rips theirs from any handy movie premiere calendar.

Easier than workin.’

people gwynethTake their latest World’s Most Beautiful Woman issue featuring Gwyneth Paltrow.

Gwyneth is lovely — I’ll give you that.  But the most beautiful woman in the world?  Of all the choices in Hollywood and around the globe?

In the words of Jerry Seinfeld — speaking to his young son outside my brownstone one Saturday afternoon —

“Probably not.”

But it is far simpler — isn’t it People editorial staff — to crown Ms. Paltrow?   She has Iron Man 3 coming out in a theatre near you…plus, your rival Star magazine just named her Most Hated Celebrity (which is probably more accurate).

Your advertisers are happy!  Moms her age are happy!  And Star has been put in its place.

Who cares if it isn’t true?

Skin deep

TMZ.com is one of those celebrity websites that makes me shake my head.

They apparently are willing to poke their cameras anywhere, and will post the pics and video immediately and without any pangs of conscience. If I end up reading something on their website, I usually feel guilty…and a little dirty.

(I still read it, but at least I feel bad.)

But today I hit their site via a link from who knows where, and I laughed aloud at their latest tasteless-yet-oh-so-true feature called “Amber Alert.”

Now, you no doubt know that, in the real world, an “Amber Alert” is designed to inform a community about a child’s abduction to aide in the search.  The name “Amber” honors an early victim.

Not so on TMZ.com.  There an “Amber Alert” calls out celebrities who have spent a little to much time under the spray tanner, with recent photos posted as evidence.  The most telling examples pair way white stars — like Anne Hathaway and Gwyneth Paltrow — with agent orange offenders like Ivanka Trump and Valentino.  Jennifer Love Hewitt and Kelly Ripa have also been called out of late for being a bit too baked.

As the founder and lifetime member of the PPA (Pasty People of America), I got a particular chuckle out of this feature.  And, yes, now that I have found it, will certainly return to TMZ.com to see who they skewer next.

But at least I will feel bad about it.