Tag Archives: Jerry Seinfeld

In a pickle

What a difference a joke can make.


I was at my primary physician’s office early this morning, waiting to take my yearly physical. As I looked at the exam table,  I could hear the words of Jerry Seinfeld bounce around my brain:

“They have that butcher paper pulled out over the table. Sometimes I bring a pickle and put it next to me on the table,  in case the doctor wants to fold the whole thing up for a to-go order.”

Now, that’s a classic story.

Most Annoying Celebrity Rag

You know how some TV show plot lines are ‘ripped from the headlines?’ I’ve decided People magazine rips theirs from any handy movie premiere calendar.

Easier than workin.’

people gwynethTake their latest World’s Most Beautiful Woman issue featuring Gwyneth Paltrow.

Gwyneth is lovely — I’ll give you that.  But the most beautiful woman in the world?  Of all the choices in Hollywood and around the globe?

In the words of Jerry Seinfeld — speaking to his young son outside my brownstone one Saturday afternoon —

“Probably not.”

But it is far simpler — isn’t it People editorial staff — to crown Ms. Paltrow?   She has Iron Man 3 coming out in a theatre near you…plus, your rival Star magazine just named her Most Hated Celebrity (which is probably more accurate).

Your advertisers are happy!  Moms her age are happy!  And Star has been put in its place.

Who cares if it isn’t true?

Unzip it

What the loc?


Zip loc, that is.

Why are they locked when you take them out of the box?

I use a lot of these bags. At home for storage that doesn’t take up gobs of space. On the road for storage that doesn’t take up gobs of space. And every time I take the snack size, the quart, even the gallon freezer bag out of the box…

It’s zipped tight.

Is it a matter of hygiene? Would unzipping it add several steps in the production process and increase the price? I don’t mean to go all Jerry Seinfeld on you, but…

What’s that all about?

Everybody poops

New York City prides itself on letting celebrities live their lives.

While you do see stars of TV and film out and about, you rarely see paparazzi trailing behind.

So I was particularly amused by this Huffington Post slideshow of stars picking up their dogs’ poop — all West Coast shots, mind you.

Everyone from The Office’s John Krasinski to Catherine Zeta-Jones to Paul Bettany are pictured with their pooch and that familiar blue baggie…’cause your dog doesn’t care what you do for a living as long as you take care of their business.

Personally, I haven’t spied any celebs in NYC picking up after their dogs.  I have had a celebrity spy on me and my dog.

(It’s a favorite story — a ‘greatest hit,’ as my friend Dan would say.)

My dog Rory and I had just stepped outside of my apartment, and — good dog that he is — he was relieving himself in the street.  During this process, I heard a small child’s voice from the sidewalk behind me say,

“Daddy, is that dog gonna bite me?”

A very familiar voice responded drily, “It probably won’t.”  That’s when I turned around and saw Jerry Seinfeld watching me and my dog.

But don’t worry — he didn’t take any pictures.

He’s a New Yorker, after all.

As you wish

When I was a sophomore in college, my mom came to campus for a weekend visit, and we decided to go to the movies on Saturday night.  I can remember agonizing over what we would see together.

It couldn’t be too sexy, or have a lot of bad language.  I had to be really careful about the subject matter, too.  (You would have thought my mom was in grade school.)

I ended up choosing a ‘compromise film’ — a movie that wasn’t necessarily at the top of my list, but that I didn’t think would offend my mom.  And it ended up being one of our favorites of all time — the amazingly wonderful, ever-so-classic “The Princess Bride.”

I ended up seeing “The Princess Bride” in the theater about seven or eight times.  I kept taking friends back to see it (plus, movies were a lot cheaper back then).  I thought a movie that funny and sweet and smart and one-of-a-kind should be experienced by everyone…and I certainly did my part to get butts in the seats.

I also had a huge girly crush on Cary Elwes, who played Westley.  “As you wish.”  Sigh.

For Christmas that year, I got “The Princess Bride” movie (on VHS), the soundtrack (it was an actual LP record), the poster, the book — you name it.  I was all “Princess Bride” all the time.

And today — this very afternoon, in fact — I have the opportunity to meet Cary Elwes in person.  He’s appearing at New York Comic Con at the Javits Center.

He’s older and heavier, and he’s promoting those horrendous “Saw” movies that you would have had to pay me to sit through…but still.

Cary Elwes.  Here…in New York City.  And I may actually get to speak to him.


Update:  Success!!!

Run to NYC

Living in New York City, I see celebrities fairly often.

Sometimes they are simply walking down the street in my neighborhood.  Jerry Seinfeld, John McEnroe, and Kevin Bacon live within 2-3 blocks of me, so it’s not uncommon to see them with their kids.

Other times I see celebrities in the Times Square area in a bar or restaurant. I saw Daniel Radcliffe of “Harry Potter” fame get carded at a bar — by my friend Lucas, who was bartending — one of my favorite New York moments.  And, of course, I have seen them from time to time when I do extra work on a movie or TV show.

But this week, I have discovered a new venue for celebrity sightings, and I wanted to pass this along to anyone coming to Manhattan for a visit.

A great place to see celebrities in NYC?  The horse path in Central Park between 7-8am.

The past two mornings, the weather has been cool and brisk, and Rory Dog and I have been up early with all the other dogs and their people in the park.  On Thursday morning, I saw a group of four runners go by, and one of them — I’m darn certain — was actor James McAvoy, who starred in “The Last King of Scotland,” “Atonement,” “Becoming Jane,” and “Wanted.”

I’m guessing the other runners were a combination of trainers/bodyguards in case a fan like me decided to take chase.

I don’t know that I would thought much about it except this morning, as Rory and I were walking along in the sunshine, I noticed another group of four runners similarly dressed coming towards me, and I wondered if it might be McAvoy again.  But when I looked closer, I realized one of the runners was Adrien Brody, who won an Oscar for “The Piano.”

Maybe both actors are staying at the same hotel or working with the same gym;  I don’t know.  But they are sending the celeb’s out in the park on the Upper West Side for their early morning runs.

Just so you know.  In case ya wanna take a gander.

That’s New York City.  Always something to see.