I had appointment after appointment today, so I was walking through the streets of Manhattan for hours….which meant I overheard a lot of chatter.
My favorites were between kids and their parents.
EAVESDROP #1
Child: Mom, can I get a smoothie?
Mom: I don’t have any money.
Child: Well, can’t we just buy some?
EAVESDROP #2
Child: …we saw Adrian afterwards.
Grandmother: It’s nice that he lives close by.
Child: Yes, right by the sewer.
EAVESDROP #3
Child in Stroller: Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo…
Dad: Do you simply have to be heard all the time?
Child: (silence) Yes. Woo Woo Woo Woo
You’re welcome.
You know how little kids will cry and scream like they’re dying, and then suddenly turn the tears off like a faucet?
It is surprisingly effective in adulthood.
When I was walking Rory before dinner tonight, I heard shouting and crying from somewhere in my neighborhood. Soon I discovered the source — a woman walking on the other side of my street, having a fit on her cellphone.
Then suddenly her cellphone signal appeared to drop, and so did the tantrum.
She stopped crying. Her face went slack. She looked as calm and cool as a cucumber as she redialed the number. But as soon as the other party picked up —
Insanity.
I have no idea how successful she was pleading her case on the phone, but she certainly got everyone’s attention on my street.
Posted in Humor, Life, Relationships, Walking
Tagged adulthood, attention, cellphone, cool as a cucumber, crying, dropped signal, Humor, insanity, kids, life, neighborhood, New York City, no signal, redial, Relationships, shouting, tantrum, tears, Wah, walking
I’m taking a class in children’s book publishing this semester at NYU. We’ve read picture books, middle grade, young adult, you name it.
I took the class the learn about the editing side of the biz…but the more I learn about children’s fiction and non-fiction, the more I’d like to take a stab at writing it.
The interesting twist is that, even though the books are for kids, the parents are the ones who buy and read them. So that’s why books like these are bestsellers.
Hey — maybe I can do this.
Posted in Books, Business, Children, Humor, Writing
Tagged bestsellers, book editing, book publishing, books, Business, children, children's books, class, dirty little secret, fiction, Go the F@uck to Sleep, Humor, kids, life, middle grade books, non-fiction, NYU, parents, picture books, writing, YA books, You Have to F@cking Eat, young adult books
It’s no secret that I’m claustrophobic.
There are security guards at the St. Louis Arch who probably still talk about the girl who hyperventilated all the way up the elevator to the top (and wouldn’t go back down…for two hours).
I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
So I am happy to see small children today won’t have any problem at all with small, enclosed spaces…what with their mothers wrapping them in plastic inside their strollers!!
I, on the other hand, am gasping for air just looking at those poor kids. Don’t they know their oxygen is running out?
Wheeze. Cough.
Sputter.
Posted in Children, Family, Humor, Life, Walking
Tagged children, claustrophobia, cough, elevator, gasping for air, Humor, hyperventilation, kids, life, oxygen, phobia, plastic covers, save the children, security guard, small spaces, sputter, St. Louis Arch, strollers, walking, wheeze
When I was walking through baggage claim tonight in Terminal C at LaGuardia, I noticed a little boy — four or to five years of age, I’m guessin? — who was closely examining the wall-mounted water fountain.
His father stood patiently to one side as his son pushed the button again and again, seemingly fascinated by the stream of water he was summoning forth.
“That is so cool,” the boy said.
“It is really cool,” his dad replied.
And then we all smiled at each other and shared the moment, which was really cool, too.
My friend Caroline is one of the most creative people I know. So it’s no surprise that her kids are doing amazing things.
Nick, a filmmaker, has his mom’s skewed sense of humor…which translates into some pretty fun stuff on screen.
The recent, recurring snowy weather inspired his latest short, “Winter Clothing.”
Wes Anderson would be proud.
Posted in Commentary, Entertainment, Friends, Humor, Life, Movies
Tagged commentary, creative people, entertainment, Fashion, filmmakers, friends, Humor, kids, life, Movies, sense of humor, snow, video, Wes Anderson, winter clothing
Kids today have it SO GOOD.
Case in point: Charlotte, the daughter of my friends Amy and Chris.
Charlotte requested an Angry Birds-themed cake for her birthday. Did Amy pick up the phone, call a bakery and order the aforementioned birdie birthday baked good?
No.
She made the entire cast of fierce, feathered friends in fondant. All by HERSELF.
Charlotte is one lucky little girl.
And Amy is rockin’ creative!
Ever feel like you’re wearing too many hats? Perhaps it’s time to make yourself a new one.
And what better day than today — Annual Make a Hat Day!
Yep. That’s an actual holiday, folks. I read about it on the Intertubes, so you know it’s true. It’s apparently very popular in pre-school, kindergarten and grade school classrooms. Kiddies love making hats as crafts projects.
Why do they get to have all the fun?
I think we would all benefit from a little headpiece handiwork. Whadda ya say? Are you ready to hit the pause button on your usual 9-to-5 routine, strap on the hot glue gun and dream up a tempting ten gallon topper?
No????
Okay. Meet me at Target.
Posted in Children, Crafts, Design, Education, Family, Fashion, Humor, Life, Shopping
Tagged children, commentary, craft project, crafts, design, education, family, Fashion, glue gune, grade school, hats, Humor, Internet, kids, kindergarten, life, Make a Hat Day, pre-school, shopping, shopping at Target, Target, ten gallon topper, wearing too many hats
Know how?
The more you know…
Did you know NBC has been producing those cheesy PSAs for 25 years?
I think they are some of the more cringe-worthy moments in television writing history, and I only have to watch them. The poor celebrities have to try and sell the stuff. But the network keeps cranking it out to meet their public service commitment to the local community.
Now, I’m not saying the ideas behind the messages aren’t good. But there has to be a more creative way to do it. Music videos. Demonstrations. Puppets. You name it.
I think the celebrity spokespersons and the audiences would appreciate it (and actually listen to the darn things for a change).
Someone has to know that.
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Posted in Advertising, Celebrities, Commentary, Education, Entertainment, Humor, Life, Television
Tagged advertising, anniversary, celebrities, commentary, creativity, cringe-worthy, entertainment, Humor, information superhighway, kids, knowledge is power, life, Matt Lauer, NBC, PSA, public service announcement, Television, television history, The more you know, writing