Tag Archives: migraine headaches

Perspective

I had my first migraine headache in the first grade.

I thought I was dying.

I got to go home from school early where I laid in a dark room and cried because the pain was excruciating.  I eventually threw up and felt much better.

This cycle repeated itself a couple of times each month.  After a few years, I was put on two different types of medications that I take to this day — one to keep the headaches away, and one to take if I get one (which I still do).

Migraines suck.

I never felt lucky to get them until this week, when I saw the television footage of CBS2 reporter Serene Branson have a ‘complex migraine’ on-air that garbled her speech so badly, viewers thought she had a stroke.

You see, as bad as my headaches are, they are considered ‘common migraines,’ which are characterized by severe, throbbing headache, nausea and sensitivity to light and sound.

Check, check and check.

A ‘complex migraine’ — like Serene experienced during her report — can have neurological symptoms in addition to the headache, including weakness, loss of vision, or difficulty speaking.

Serene received medical attention after her attack, and is back at work and doing fine.

How’s your head?

Laugh thru the pain

I have a really bad headache.

I’m not all that surprised.  I’ve been on the road for the past few days and am sleep deficit, so this migraine is almost expected.  What does surprise me are the jokes I found online about migraine headaches.

I never realized how funny other people would find my pain.

Here are a couple of examples:

A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraines. The doctor discovers that the poor guy has tried practically every therapy known to man and still, no improvement.

“Listen,” says the doc, “When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks.”

Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. “Doc! I took your advice and it really works! I’ve had migraines for 17 years and this is the first time anyone has ever helped me!”

“Well,” says the physician, “I’m glad it worked.”

“By the way, Doc,” the patient adds, “You have a really nice house.”

(Rimshot)  And here’s another one, also a bit blue…

A guy with chronic migraine headaches sees a doctor about his pain. The doctor says, “I can cure your headaches, but I`ll have to cut your balls off to do it.”

The man is horrified at this idea, but he can`t work or sleep, and he`s generally miserable. He says, “I don’t care, cut them off. Just get rid of these damned headaches!”

The doctor performs the operation, and immediately the headaches go away.
The guy is relatively happy, so one day, he decides to get himself a new wardrobe at a new shop downtown.

As soon as he walks in the door, the clerk looks carefully at him and says, “You wear a 44 long jacket, don`t you?” The guy says, “Yeah, how did you know?”
“I have an eye,” says the clerk.

“You also wear a 36 large jockstrap.”  “Ah hah!  You’re wrong,” the guy says gleefully. “I wear a 32 small jockstrap.”  “No, you have to wear a 36 large,” says the clerk.  “Look,  I’m sorry, but you`re wrong. I wear a 32 small.”

That`s impossible,” says the confused clerk. “A 32 small jockstrap would pinch your balls and give you migraines.”

Heck, I didn’t even know jockstraps came in sizes.

Off to take more drugs.  Have a good day.