There’s egg on my face, but for the very best of reasons —
It’s World Egg Day!
Here at the Egg, we’re laying low to avoid the paparazzi, but there are celebrations of some import across the globe.
If you live in Bangladesh, grab one of the more than 5000 free boiled eggs being distributed, and attend “EGG FEST 2016.”
The Philippines is holding a charity Family Fun Run event in honor of eggs, and Canada is focusing their celebrations on the EFC — Egg Farmers of Canada — who apparently are very active in their communities, volunteering and donating eggs.
The American EGG Board has a video about an ‘Adventure Egg’ who travels the globe looking for great recipes, but I think the United Kingdom has the right idea. Their theme?
“Put an Egg on It” — to encourage folks to eat eggs in unusual ways.
I follow a lot of entertainment magazines on Twitter…probably too many. And if I’m willing to admit that, they should meet me half way and admit they use the following headline way, way, way too much:
“____________ is barely recognizable [in new hair cut] [in hat] [after losing weight]
Either that, or their reporters, writers and editors are BLIND AS BATS.
Exhibit A: US Weekly found Pam Anderson ‘barely recognizable’ after she cut her trademark long locks into a short pixie.
Even with her shades on, I think it looks exactly like Pam Anderson…just with shorter hair.
Perhaps I am just more observant. And adaptable. And brilliant.
I am willing to own that.
Exhibit B: Another publication struggled to identify Anne Hathaway when she donned a beige sock top while out on a smoothie run.
I don’t know — maybe I do have amazing powers of deduction.
‘Cause I think it’s pretty obvious.
Maybe I have missed my true calling and should be an annoying member of the paparazzi. Or perhaps I should just blame the copy editor for using hyperbole — instead of creativity — to drive folks to their websites.
Although I do like the idea that I have super powers.
Could it be all the goodwill surrounding Beyonce’s pregnancy?
The headline of this year’s MTV Video Music Awards was the announcement of the impending arrival of the superstar coupling of Beyonce and Jay-Z. Her red carpet gown and the teeny tiny tuxedo she later wore on stage were both tailored to put her baby bump on full display.
Cue the oohs and ahhs.
But photos taken only one week prior to the event reveal a very different mother-to-be, her flat stomach barely showing at all…as you might expect from someone who’s only two months along.
So why would Beyonce fake it?
Some say she wanted to announce the pregnancy at the awards show, and a cute, rounded bump garners more attention than no tummy at all. Poor baby — it isn’t even born yet, and Beyonce is already using implants to make it appear more ‘perfect.’
Did she forget the paparazzi follows her and photographs her 24/7? Someone was bound to notice her stomach’s way-too-sudden eruption.
Perhaps I bought into her PR machine, but I thought Beyonce was more genuine than that.
New York City prides itself on letting celebrities live their lives.
While you do see stars of TV and film out and about, you rarely see paparazzi trailing behind.
So I was particularly amused by this Huffington Post slideshow of stars picking up their dogs’ poop — all West Coast shots, mind you.
Everyone from The Office’s John Krasinski to Catherine Zeta-Jones to Paul Bettany are pictured with their pooch and that familiar blue baggie…’cause your dog doesn’t care what you do for a living as long as you take care of their business.
Personally, I haven’t spied any celebs in NYC picking up after their dogs. I have had a celebrity spy on me and my dog.
(It’s a favorite story — a ‘greatest hit,’ as my friend Dan would say.)
My dog Rory and I had just stepped outside of my apartment, and — good dog that he is — he was relieving himself in the street. During this process, I heard a small child’s voice from the sidewalk behind me say,
“Daddy, is that dog gonna bite me?”
A very familiar voice responded drily, “It probably won’t.” That’s when I turned around and saw Jerry Seinfeld watching me and my dog.
I learned a new word today, one that I can repeat in mixed company:
According to my favorite website lemondrop.com, a shamecrush is the “secret type of guy you lust after” that ventures into the “shameful desire” category. They list as examples serial killers, paparazzi and — get ready — Republicans.
Now, I consider myself a bit of an expert on crushes. I mean, I have had so many through the years. But I’m not sure any of them would qualify as a shamecrush.
In junior high, I crushed on pop stars and high school basketball players. In high school, my taste turned to the funny guys — both at my school and on TV. Even after I became a serial monogamist, I usually had a crush on the back burner if only for the entertainment value.
But there was never a sickie or pervert in that role….and god forbid a conservative.
I guess the darkest I’ve gone is a vampire. And there’s no shame in that.
That was one of the headlines today after photos online surfaced of Shiloh Jolie Pitt sporting a new, cropped ‘do. Other less vindictive reporters mused that “Shiloh missed her father and dressing like him made her feel closer.”
Poor little rich kid.
I wonder what reporters would have made of the haircuts my mom gave to my sister and me when we were children. Inevitably, our bangs were way too short…or crooked…or simply missing in spots.
I’m sure they turned out that way because we wouldn’t sit still during the trim, but the paparazzi would have assumed much, much worse.
Local mother’s attempts to behead children fail
Strangely, we didn’t get much pap in Kentucky or West Virginia.
Jane Fonda was recently spied out and about hiding behind large sunglasses and a high turtleneck.
This in itself isn’t that unusual; what is surprising is Fonda admitted her disguise was not to avoid reporters, but to hide the after effects of recent plastic surgery on her eyes and neck.
Now, Fonda is 72 years old now….and she’s an actor. I would have expected her to have had work done long before now.
But apparently she made very strong comments against plastic surgery some 10 years ago, and now feels she will be dinged by the press and other actresses at her abrupt about face (excuse the wonderful pun).
Changing your mind about something after a decade? Wow. She must be the first person to ever do that. I know I feel exactly the same way today about every issue in life as I did 10 years ago.
I figure Fonda and other actresses who end up having plastic surgery – after swearing against it in their youth – are probably less horrified at their change of mind than their change in appearance. When you are one of the beautiful people, the realization that you age and sag and decay just like ugly folk must be devastating.
Heck, I started contemplating plastic surgery in first grade. Thoughts about it later in life have shifted merely to accommodate the shifting of my various parts!
Finally, an advantage to not being beautiful – less angst about maintenance and repair.
I read all the celebrity rags — and I certainly hope they read me — because today I am throwing a HUGE scoop their way.
It’s not an actual story, but it is the must-have tool to getting those major headlines they so highly covet.
It’s a dog.
I have discovered that, if Rory is with me, or if I am discussing him with another dog owner, they are willing to spill all kinds of personal information at the drop of the hat. I don’t have to ask; I don’t have to care; I don’t even have to want to know.
It just pours out of them. It’s like they have no control.
Take this morning, for instance. My dog Rory and I were returning from our morning walk in Central Park with my sister who is visiting from Oregon. We stopped to chat on the street with a woman who was walking her maltese/poodle mix puppy.
The conversation began innocently enough — what kind of dogs, how old, names, etc. And then it started. Her former dog was a poodle who lived to be 17 years old…before it drowned in her pool…and she’s living with the guilt.
Oh. My. God. Who tells that kind of story…to anyone, let alone a total stranger on the street??
Or there’s the lady on the airplane who, when we were swapping dog owner stories mid-flight, suddenly asked for my advice on the best time to dump her live-in boyfriend — before or after the holidays?
(Perhaps crate training gives me a unique perspective.)
Celebrity press, take note. Paparazzi, paws to consider. Reporters with dogs on leash will get far juicer stories from the famous people you ‘hound’ on a daily basis.
By now you have read the news that John Krasinki, who plays Jim on “The Office,” is engaged to wed fellow actor Emily Blunt of “The Devil Wears Prada” fame. Isn’t that wonderful?
Then why do I feel like crying?
John and Emily are both in their late 20’s, so they are definitely old enough to marry. And they have dated for the better part of a year, so it’s not like they are rushing into anything. Heck, they’re both funny and attractive — I’m sure they are a great match.
But marriage — really?
Marriage is hard enough for John and Emily no-name down the street who don’t have to deal with all the pressures that accompany stardom. Most newlyweds don’t have the paparazzi following them everywhere they go; try to make a marriage work with that going on every day. (Right, Jon and Kate + Eight?)
Stay engaged for a long, long time, guys. Wait until you are really sure. Because from what I’ve seen of late…the media is going make you wish you had.