Dear Anne Hathaway:
Rumor has it you’ve picked another winner…
Current boyfriend Adam Shulman reportedly stole part of an art mural — where do they come up with this stuff?? — and the building owner wants it back, or he’s calling the police.
Admittedly, it’s not nearly as bad as your former boyfriend, ’embezzler to the Vatican’ Raffaello Follieri, who’s currently serving a 4 1/2-year prison sentence for ‘misappropriating investments’…but still.
Far be it from me to dole out relationship advice — ’cause I’m not — but I do want to point out some obvious physical characteristics that both Adam and Raffaello share. You might want to avoid them in the future (because they seem to have consistently attracted you in the past).
- Sloping eyes — You may consider this feature dreamy. I see shifty…and their behavior has followed suit.
- Rounded nose — Rounded, no doubt, from being stuck too often where it doesn’t belong.
- Tan — Too much time on their hands.
I hope this brief catalog of traits to avoid has been helpful.
Oh — and a background check wouldn’t hurt either.