Tag Archives: ripped from the headlines

Most Annoying Celebrity Rag

You know how some TV show plot lines are ‘ripped from the headlines?’ I’ve decided People magazine rips theirs from any handy movie premiere calendar.

Easier than workin.’

people gwynethTake their latest World’s Most Beautiful Woman issue featuring Gwyneth Paltrow.

Gwyneth is lovely — I’ll give you that.  But the most beautiful woman in the world?  Of all the choices in Hollywood and around the globe?

In the words of Jerry Seinfeld — speaking to his young son outside my brownstone one Saturday afternoon —

“Probably not.”

But it is far simpler — isn’t it People editorial staff — to crown Ms. Paltrow?   She has Iron Man 3 coming out in a theatre near you…plus, your rival Star magazine just named her Most Hated Celebrity (which is probably more accurate).

Your advertisers are happy!  Moms her age are happy!  And Star has been put in its place.

Who cares if it isn’t true?

Priceless

Ripped from the headlines in jolly ol’ England…

Downton Abbey meets Occupy Wall Street!

Manchester resident Steph Pike was arrested for aggravated trespass while protesting outside a Barclays Bank.

Friends say she was conducting a peaceful protest as a member ‘UK Uncut,’ a grassroots group formed to highlight ‘corporate tax dodging’ and alternatives to the government’s spending cuts.

Police say she was arrested to preempt the aggravated trespass that was clearly being established.

Seriously?

While I’m sure her presence outside the window was aggravating to certain Barclays employees, any charges of trespass are trumped up at best.

Me? I’d charge her with a keen sense of humor, creativity and — I gotta say it…

Balls.

Action!

The Daily Show may be smarter and funnier.and The Colbert Report more cutting edge.

But The Onion News Network?

They’ve got action figures.

And not just dolls of the lead anchors like you might expect them to sell — even Stephen Colbert has one of those — but action figures for names that appear daily in their newscast…like ‘missing sorority girl,’ ‘trunk mom,’ and ‘noted author pundit doll.’

Awesome sauce.

It’s the quality you demand in your children’s action figures. They want to play with ripped-from-the headlines toys, and The Onion News Network is bringing them to their playrooms and sandboxes.

Here’s the commercial for the figures, but be warned.  If your kids see it, they’ll want ’em.

So be prepared…to take action!