Tag Archives: takeout

That thing you do

Today the very funny folks at College Humor posed the question —

What if things we did religiously had their own religion?

They developed religions for things like…

  • The weekly TV dramas and sitcoms that we can’t miss
  • Our morning Starbucks run
  • The smartphone permanently attached to our hip
  • Workouts
  • Takeout

You get the drift.

I could add even more activities like making my bed (a holdover from my childhood), walking the dog and playing Candy Crush before bed.

And while I am definitely a member of the TV viewership religion, I participate in a more radical faction —

daily tv show fellowship


(The DVR made me do it.)

Might I suggest ‘drop?’

When I was a humor editor at Hallmark Cards back in the day, part of my job was to read greeting card copy and look for any possible innuendo.

Was it dirty or gross? Could people take it wrong? Especially it if was unintentional, it was my job to suss it out.

dump cakeApparently the writers of these cookbooks don’t think that way.

“Dump” to them only has the one meaning…to ‘drop heavily or suddenly,’ which appears to be their intent.

But every time the infomercial airs — and it airs a lot —

I’m afraid a very different and unappetizing meaning for ‘dump’ comes to mind.

Sorry, Cathy.  I’m ordering takeout.

Food stereotypes

Freshdirect.com, my favorite website for ordering groceries in the neighborhood, posted this ‘goodbye to summer’ today on Facebook.

I love the sentiment — the poster’s graphic look and feel, too.

But they can’t honestly be suggesting that my popsicles, fudge bars and toffee crunch bars — all reduced fat and sugar-free, of course — should be packed away with my summer clothes and flip flops….

Not even.

I find popsicles refreshing year round.  They are the perfect light dessert — that little taste of sweet that doesn’t linger compared to heavy cakes and pies.

They aren’t seasonal.  They’re sensible.

Of course, I feel much the same way about soup — love me some soup any time of year, especially in summer.  When the AC is cranked in public buildings, soup is the best way to warm up.

Turning up the thermostat also works.

Let’s give food a chance.

Come clean

Grab the takeout menu; it’s time to celebrate!

If you’ve been looking for a legitimate reason to never cook again, now there’s scientific proof.  A new research study suggests that at least one in seven home kitchens wouldn’t pass the health inspection given to restaurants…so the meals prepared in them could make people sick.

In the study — which was conducted online in 2008 in California’s Los Angeles County — only 61 percent of the homes taking the test would have scored an A or B if put through the actual health inspection.  In comparison, 98 percent of all restaurants in Los Angeles County scored an A or B in their inspections.

Think of all the cases of food poisoning that have been blamed on restaurants, when the real culprit was a lot closer to home.  Your mother?  Trying to kill you.  Your wife?  Plotting to get your money.  Or perhaps you simply have a death wish.

Not convinced?  Think your kitchen would score an easy A?  Take the online test and see for yourself.

And if your score is a disappointment, the only other decision you have to make is delivery or carryout.