Tag Archives: toilet

Sure he could

I was clicking through the cable channels this Sunday morning and happened upon one of my favorite Jim Carrey movies, Bruce Almighty, at the exact moment that Bruce — enjoying his God-like powers by this point — tells his dog to use the toilet instead of going outside.

bruce almighty dogThe image at left may have been doctored a bit, but if you’ve seen the film, the dog walks up to the tank, steps on the seat, does his business, flushes and even puts down the lid in deference to the ‘lady of the house.’

Now that I have an older dog in the house with more, shall we say, unpredictable pee pee patterns, I totally wish I had bought a little kiddie toilet and hired a dog trainer to teach him how to use it.

It would so rock.

He already reads the newspaper, of course.

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Inconceivable

I am so over this hashtag and how people throw it around:

image

Really?  Are you really feeling blessed to get a fancy toilet? 

Just Iike some folks on Facebook are blessed to find a parking spot or blessed to go out to dinner or blessed to do anything.

In the words of Inigo Montoya,  “I do not think this word means what you think it means.”

Don’t wear it out,  people…especially not on a toilet.

Call me handy

My toilet lost its handle on life this morning.

toilet handleSad, sad.

Luckily I’m handy enough around the house not only to know how to remove the faulty handle, but also to head to the hardware store,  buy a new one and install it.

Yes, I will bring the flush back to my toilet’s cheeks.  And on my tiny apartment-sized model, it costs less than $10.

Take that, Mr. Plumber.

In case you were wondering….

poopingGo ahead now…

Clean it up.

Dear New York City airports,

I will be headed back your way in less than 48 hours. Coming home is always a pleasure. But let’s be honest, my Big Apple airstrips…

Youse guys are fugly.

My current trip through Narita-Tokyo Airport en route to Singapore drove that point home…hard. I only spent two hours in Japan, and the ultramodern, high-tech facility convinced me that JFK and LGA need a major redo.

2013-04-28_09.08.16We can begin with a fun identity for each of you. Look at this little guy; he graces most of the signage at Narita Airport.

What is he?  Who cares? He’s cute… and LaGuardia could use a major dose of cuteness… JFK, too.

There’s nothing cute about either of you now.  No offense.

And speaking of high-tech, check out this gadget in the airport restrooms in Narita.

2013-04-28_09.14.23The facilities in Japan have talents that go far beyond the simple flush. (Come to think of it, everyone was smiling a lot.)

Lastly, you need better food…but I’ve always said that.

Okay, NYC airports, get started.  I’ll be back in two days, and I am expecting great things!

Potty time

Love potty humor?  How ’bout potties themselves?

Cintas Corporation, provider of specialty services to businesses — including bathroom sanitation — is searching for “America’s Best Restroom” in their ninth annual competition.

Nine times they’ve done this?  Where was I — in the john?

They started taking nominations in February and recently announced 10 finalists. Now it’s up to all of us to vote for our favorites…and in September, they’ll name “America’s Best Restroom.”

I’m proud to say that two of the nominees are right here in New York City — the public restrooms at The Muse Hotel and Bryant Park.  But there are toilets on the list from Wichita to Louisville to Fort Wayne to Las Vegas.

And these potties — all public restrooms, mind you — are pretty spectacular.  Even if you initially thought “Why is the Egg talking toilets?” I think you’ll enjoy a tour of the Top 10. Vote while you’re at it, too.

If you’ve ever needed a public restroom and couldn’t find one, you know how truly important this topic really is.

May the best potty win!