Tag Archives: vampire

Hangry

Halloween is only five days away.

vampire baby

Better have your candy ready…

‘Cause I’m pretty sure she wants some.

Scare me, please

When I was but a wee lass, I watched Dark Shadows every afternoon after school.

It scared the bejeezers out of me.

Barnabas Collins, the vampire who ‘lived’ at the Collinwood estate, made me jump out of my skin.  More than once, I had to walk outside into the bright sunshine because I was too spooked to watch what happened next.

So I was particularly excited to see what horrors Tim Burton’s remake would hold, especially with his favorite lead Johnny Depp occupying the role of Barnabas.

Then I saw the trailer this weekend on television and quickly discovered…

The new Dark Shadows is a comedy.

Depp is sporting white makeup a la Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and the script appears to be one deadpan zinger after another.

True, it’s a dark comedy, and I can appreciate their sense of humor.  I’ll no doubt go see it out of curiosity at the very least.

But I’m sad to say that Depp’s version of Barnabas will never elicit a single gasp of fear or horror.

Except, perhaps, at the 70’s clothing.

For your consideration

I watched the season finale of “Men of a Certain Age” last night on TNT.

I hope you did, too. Because, simply stated, it’s the best thing on television.

Prepare yourself if you do watch.  There are no police officers, forensic units or personality plus crime-solving sidekicks.  No one is a vampire, zombie or even remotely undead.  There is no competition for cash or prizes, no celebrity judge at the ready with praise or pith.

There isn’t even a man in a dog suit.

No, Men of a Certain Age just follows three friends turning 50 who are all at turning points in their lives.  Jobs, relationships, kids, health, addiction, dreams — it’s not Everybody Loves Raymond comedy, it’s real life.

I want everyone to see this show.  I hope you’re all that lucky.

You gotta give me one thing.  I’m a scary judge of talent. — Al Pacino, “The Recuit”

Look again

There is nothing I love more than watching a movie and discovering a hidden gem.

You know — that actor or actress who’s the friend of the lead who looks kinda familiar but you can’t figure out where you’ve seen ’em before.

But I can.

It’s one of my favorite pastimes.  Ask my friends.  I’m actually pretty annoying about it.  So I cannot believe that I totally missed this one.

After seeing Anna Kendrick play Jessica in three “Twilight” movies and nab a much-deserved Oscar nomination for her work in “Up in the Air,”  it was only this week during publicity for her upcoming stint in “Scott Pilgrim vs. the World” — opening in theaters today — that I realized that I had seen her years ago in a little movie musical called “Camp.”

I think I hear my friends laughing at me….

If you haven’t seen it, “Camp” is about a summer camp for theater geeks.  Anna plays Fritzi, a wallflower who attaches herself to the camp diva…or so it appears.  At the end of the film, when all the campers are performing at the big gala for the parents, Fritzi sabotages the diva and steps in to sing her big number, “Ladies Who Lunch,” blowing off the roof in an incredible performance.

Of course, I didn’t know it was Anna then…just that there was this HUGE voice coming out of a teeny tiny little girl.

And that little girl was Anna Kendrick.

Well, knock me over with a vampire.

Bad blood

Is it just me, or are the women of “True Blood” getting a bit…well… annoying?

I would put them on the following scale:

  • only slighting annoying — new vampire Jessica
  • annoying — the always crying Sookie
  • very annoying — Queen Sophie
  • shoot-her-with-a-gun annoying — Bill’s maker Lorena and Tara (it’s a tie)

Right now, it’s hard to like any of them.  All they do is cry and whine and then cry some more.  Then they get kidnapped or attacked and start crying again.  At least Sookie can read minds and do that flashy light thing with her hands, but then she sees Bill…and starts crying.

I suppose it’s the writers’ fault.  But maybe it’s hard to concentrate when all your male stars are so gosh darn good looking.

I have a scale for them as well:

  • cute like a puppy dog — Hoyt and Terry
  • good-looking guy next door — Sam
  • ripped, dumb guy next door — Jason
  • the hot one with the beard — Alcide
  • the hottest (until Eric) — Bill
  • the hottest thing in Bon Temps — Eric

I should probably add a category for “ugly mean guys,” since they’ve added a few this year to punch up the storyline.  I appreciate that, even though they’re not that fun to look at.

(That vampire Franklin who grabbed Tara?  Ug-ly.  But she annoys me, so I was kinda hoping he’d kill her. It could still happen.  Crossed fingers.)

So, to the writers of “True Blood” — if you’re planning to keep all these women around — or any characters for that matter — give them something interesting to do.

Crying bloody tears only works so many times.

Fab vocab

I learned a new word today, one that I can repeat in mixed company:

“Shamecrush”

According to my favorite website lemondrop.com, a shamecrush is the “secret type of guy you lust after” that ventures into the “shameful desire” category.  They list as examples serial killers, paparazzi and — get ready — Republicans.

Icky.

Now, I consider myself a bit of an expert on crushes.  I mean, I have had so many through the years.  But I’m not sure any of them would qualify as a shamecrush.

In junior high, I crushed on pop stars and high school basketball players.  In high school, my taste turned to the funny guys — both at my school and on TV.  Even after I became a serial monogamist, I usually had a crush on the back burner if only for the entertainment value.

But there was never a sickie or pervert in that role….and god forbid a conservative.

I guess the darkest I’ve gone is a vampire.  And there’s no shame in that.

How ’bout you?

Waiting is the twi-hardest part

I figured out why people behaving badly is bothering me so much.

I miss Edward. I miss my perfect vampire.

It’s especially hard now that ‘True Blood’ has finished its season, and I can no longer distract myself with icy blond Eric or southern gentleman Bill.  They were always placeholders for Edward — I knew that; we all knew that — but it was an oh, so pleasant way to fill the void.

Now, I’m back to a world crowded with normal, often obnoxious humans.  No pale skin that shimmers in the sunlight.  No singular kiss that can knock me to my knees (or possibly kill). No endless wealth, because, gee, it’s just as easy to fall in love with a rich vampire as it is a poor one in these hard economic times.

I know I’m not alone in my twi-longings. The Internet is filled with blogs and boards and sites where fans of the series wax poetic as they count down the days until the premiere of “The Twilight Saga: New Moon” on November 20th.

But today I realized that even my local AMC theatre longs for Edward.  How can I tell?  As I walked my dog past the marquee, where it typically promotes movies currently showing, it displayed:

“Sorority Row,” featuring the trailer for “The Twilight Saga: New Moon”

Wow.  So, now they’re promoting the trailer for “New Moon.”  They must think we’ll go see anything with Twilight on it.

I mean, I was already planning to see this sure-to-be-a-classic horror film starring Rumor Willis and Audrina Partridge.  The “New Moon” trailer playing at the start has nothing to do with it.

At all.